I 'd considered myself strong and unbeatable until I met a guy i was totally unimpressed with. He kept calling me even though I ignored and didn't return his calls because after one conversation i felt he was not interested in me. However, i began to like him. I was getting mad at his constant calls (and emotional inaccessiblity) but when i saw him go by in the car one day i foound him very appealing suddenly. After years of celibacy and devotion to Christianity, i was overcome with lust for this guy that was on cocaine (but stillran his small business), and was just trying to use me. He obviously didn't feel a mental attraction to me and made that clear. I had a couple coffee dates with him, but i would not let anything physical happen. I have avoided him for 4 years for the most part, but someitmes I feel so angry and hurt-- I just can't get over it-- Plus, i found out he's married-- I can't rationalize my way out of this--i know I'm a bigger person than he is, but I never felt so powerless in a situation with a person i wasn't even in a relatinship with! It's like i've lost all perspective and fallen in "love" with a guy that doesn't feel for me. i am a very normal female, but too nice for him-- most guys are interested i me wholly, but he just thinks i'd be a cute bed partner-- i think this is the stockholm syndrome as he has said some mean , sarcastic things alternating with his comedic jokes. he is kind of a calloused person, yet he has feelings for his wife(who he cheats on)
Person's Gender: Male
Person's Age: he is 45
I have tried focusing away from it, moving to a new town, but i still pass him on the road my ego can't take that i elt him win and reject and put me down
Welcoeme to Just answer !
Welcome to Just answer !'
Well, since you mentioned in the start of your post that you have been a strong and unbeatable person until you met this guy, the answer to your conundrum and dilemma about your strong attraction for him lies here only and that is THIS PERSON LIKE NO OTHER MAN BEFORE HIM CALLENGED YOU, CHASED YOU MADLY TILL YOU BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO HIS PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE AND THEN HELD HIMSELF BACK SO THAT YOU BECOME CURIOUS AND DESPERATE TO KNOW WHAT COULOD HAVE BEEN THE RESULT AND LIFE HAD YOU GIVEN IN TO HIS ANTICS AND CHARMING TACTICS.
Basically speaking this man tried to manipulate you for his own callous needs of sexual nature and had nothing to do with you emotionally and liaison with him would only have ended in being a physical one with bondign and sharing of emotions taking place, so non- happening of this liaison should be regarded by you as a blessing in disguise as his reasons for getting close to you were for his mean self satisfaction and this would be relationship was deemed right from the moment go.
Now i can understand your attraction for him , more so because you deep down inside your heart liked the chase and hot pursuit he indulged in to get you , like no other man must have tried in the past , also the edginess and arrogance of his demeaner with which he used to approach you somewhat drove you closer to him , but believe me such a man could never have fulfilled your emotional quotient which like any other woman is a necessity for you to be able to feel complete in a relationship.
So try to think of this liaison as a one off indiscretion that was good to pass off without much emotional damage and now think of forgetting this experience with this man as a bad one and try to move on in life looking for someone special who respects you , values you for who you are , and does not have a one track mind thinking of you as an object.
If you are really unable to get over him on your own then i reckon you shall consult a clinical psychologist and ue therapy sessions to work out your emotional issues with the hel of this specialist and learn some mental strengthening exercises to gain control over yourthinking pattern so as to come out of this phase and start looking ahead for a potential worthy love interest who considers you more than an object of desire and has emotional connect with you as well.
I hope this helps..
Wish you all the best..
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Thank you for your answer. i know i am suffering a loss of perspective. i am upset that i gave someone( I had pegged as an egotist from the start) a fair chance at friendhsip. I guess his ego couldn't quit until he'd won or gotten the upper hand. i know someone like that usually falls for a biggger game player than they are, but how can i recover my dignity and sense of power in the situation other than by avoiding him as i have been? I had TOLD him a couple years ago i had lust for him and he asked me out, only to say bye on phone when he realized I expected a real date, not a sex appt. To make myself feel better, i just emailed him a few days ago that MY compromise(association with him) was temporary, but that his wife's was permanant. Is there any way for me to put him in his place without feeding his ego? (you will probably say, just avoid him)
i will pay you extra if nec, can you please tell me how i can withdraw or "delete" my past approval of him and how i fed his ego? how can i go back to being another woman he saw as a challenge until he disocvered she had a crush onhim? what can i say to him to lead him to see he is a smaller person than me or that i don't like him anymore? In the emiail i sent him recently i also told hm it was the stockholm syndrome that caused my attraction to him.
thanks for your help--- this weak moment inspired me to write a great song. I also rescued a wounded bird this morning. I know there are guys out there with his good qualitites, minus the bad. i just have to keep looking.
I believe now you should adopt a stoic silence on this issue , do not give him any justifications why and how you fell for him, he does not desrve this , he is too shallow a person to understand your pure sentiments and goodness of heart.
And i am sure you will meet your match soon who will be as nice person as you are and will prove to be an eternal soul mate.
I hope this ..