I don't think so. I mean, she has mentioned it several times, like when I cry, that I must be grieving over what happened or whatever, and Dr. M has said, when I have explained to her that I cry a lot in session or whatever (or when Linda told her I did) that it is normal to cry because I'm grieving ... and Monday, when she returned my message from Friday asking if the increased dose of zoloft could be making me feel worse, that she thought I was grieving. And you have mentioned it a number of times. But as far as "working" with it - no, I guess not.
If this is "grieving" (which concept seems so confusing to me), it is ironic, because in the past several days, in addition to having nightmares, I had a very realistic dream one night that I was in jail and there were several random people there that I knew, who were really disappointed in me, and basically saying goodbye and how sad it was that I had thrown away my life and others' and it was because I had just been convicted of murdering my friend, Katie (the one who died several months ago). I was so upset with myself and somehow knew I had done it. Her brother was there and was mad at me, but at least would talk to me, but he said their dad was too mad at me to even look at me. As I said, in the dream, I knew I had done it, but didn't remember it or why, and was trying tofigure out if I had admitted it or neede d to not admit it in case I was going to appeal. It was strange, but the jail seemed nice.
Then the next night I had a dream that I was in my drum teacher's shop (although it wasn't the same shop - it was much bigger), and he was showing me some tihings, and I couldn't do it very well, and I was there a long time, and he was talkng to a bunch of otherpeople but wanted me to practice something. I knew he was going to die that day, so I thought that I would stick around as long as he wanted me to, but I had to run home and get a book. When I was home, I was really tired, and thought to myself that I didn't have to go back - my lesson was over and he was working with other people anyway, and I had pretty much decided just to stay home, and felt bad about it because I knew he would die and I wouldn't see him again. I didn't so much care for my sake, but was battling in my head between not wanting to upset him by not returning and thinking that he probably wouldn't notice and it was no big deal.
Very weird. But if I am grieving, I thought it was appropriate I had been dreaming about dead people. :)
I am struggling at work today. I am getting work done, but I am so easily irritated. It is Austin's last day (he is going back to college next week) and he is also doing a lot of projects (like putting up new shelves for me, etc.), but I cannt stand to have my door open for more than about 15 minutes. Then I have to close it. I can't stand hearing other people talk or staple or whatever. Jamie's laughing is driving me absolutely insane. I want to explode. I feel so angry at them for absolutely no reason, and so I have to keep my door shut most of the time to avoid blowing up at them. It's like monster PMS, except that's not it, and it is more intense. I do not want anyone near me.