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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
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My husband of 28 years thinks he may be gay. He was sexually

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My husband of 28 years thinks he may be gay. He was sexually assulted as a child by 3 different men. What is the likely hood that he was assulted by men and that he is really gay vs this being confussion because of the assults.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

An individual who identifies oneself as gay, most likely would of felt attracted to the same sex early on in his life. In cases of bisexuality, a person can develop an interest in the same sex partner over time or at least during the onset of their sexual life as a young adult.

 

Someone who had been sexually assaulted as a child can in adulthood exhibit confusion in regard to sexual preference. Of course, even without an assault, this can take place as well for some individuals who had suppressed their emotions and especially what is arousing to them.

 

There are different ways to look at this. One may be a repressed urge to "get even" with a male to make up for past wrongs. Another may be him on some level questioning his sexual performance with women that is causing him to think or believe that it may be more fulfilling w/ men. Yet, another way to look at this would be as a preference in leading a bisexual life style. Then, there is the Jungian psychology perspective that each individual carries within psychological and emotional traits of both male/female in the form of Anima/Animus concept and that there is a desire to express these traits outwardly.

 

The chances can be 50%-50% and it largely depends on 1) the trigger behind the behavior even if this is a suppressed trigger he's acting on subconsciously 2) whether or not he felt attracted to the same gender partners early on 3) whether or not he can live the live of a gay man to the fullest. Being gay does not only revolve around the sexual intimacy. It would mean him living with a partner and sharing the same activities as he's with you as far as family life is concerned.

 

Feel free to reply/clarify as needed.

 

 

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