AA does not give a definition to alcoholism. Perhaps you are just suffering from social anxiety
and you need a few drinks to "loosen" you up, and just don't know when to stop.
Unfortunately your longstanding boyfriend lost faith in your ability to control your drinking, and left you. If you do have social anxiety or Social Phobia
, then you can be treated with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which can train you to interpret things in a more positive manner and thence control your behaviour because you have truly seen your situation from a slightly different angle.
AA has two interesting websites, one defining alcoholism medically:
and the other providing a self-test as a prelude to further treatment.
There are other approaches such as Stages of Change therapy, but that may not be available in Spain.
Finally, there are medications that can be used for social anxiety, as well as counseling. The safest is a beta blocker blood pressure medicine often given for "performance" situations such as acting, musical performance, sports performance (banned), or general public gatherings. It is called propanolol (the universal generic name).
I don't recommend substituting one drug for another, but he propanolol is safer and with much less side effects than alcohol.
If you can quit altogether, and stick to it, then this would by far be the best solution. I have conducted many drug cessation programs at the local county jail, on a voluntary basis, and have seen great results, including people who vowed not to drink again once they were released, and have stuck to their self-promise.
I wish you the courage and strength to stop as of now. I still recommend that you attend some meetings and learn and be inspired. However, it is in your hands, and it seems that in your case, they are apt and able hands.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC