Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.
I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through in this relationship.
In reading what you have written, although I know you have fond feelings for this person, her history of unresolved abuse and relationship issues if not a good foundation for any lasting relationship and there is little you can do but to accept this and move on.
I wish I had better news for you but these are the dynamics of relationships with those who have so much psychological baggage that they have extremely poor coping skills, judgement and ability to sustain a mutually lasting relationship.
Now that you have separated is a good time for you to really take a step back and try to examine the conflict between what you feel in your heart and you know in your head.
In you heart, you have feelings for this person, although your head tells you that this is not stable and you are on thin ice.
Pay attention to your head and your gut feeling about this relationship and you will get on the right path.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change her. If you could- you would have done so.
Therefore, the only true control you have is over you.
You need to ask yourself why you don't deserve more from a relationship than all of this drama.
Does this make sense to you?
Yes thank you for confirming and your time sir
You are most welcome. This is a relationship with no future.
I appreciate your positive feedback as it is the only way I receive credit for my time.
I was trying to work it out with her therapist and do couples therapy but it seems no use
Nope- I have been in this work for 35 years and I can tell you that you will be spinning your wheels.
Here is a good article for you to read:
I wish you the very best. Go and get someone that doesn't have all the baggage.
Best regards. Bill