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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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Hi there,I need to ask a question that have been troubling

Resolved Question:

Hi there, I need to ask a question that have been troubling me for 16 years+: I'm having my bachelor degree of software development now, and I'm really talented in math, and programming, I could have a great job. However, I've been drop out of high school, uni many many times for becoming a pianist. Now I don't want to apply for a job, don't want to talk, eat, sleep but only want to play piano. By the way, I was abused by my parents since I was a baby. They beat me up very hard, and it is almost everyday. They also lie to me, and "promised" me about the education opportunity on piano, but never fulfilled it. They just make me back to uni/school by saying if you can...... I will support you to learn piano. But all of them are lies.
And I never have a boyfriend because my family not allow me to get involved in a relationship. And I receive a lot of sex harassment in working environment and school/uni. 

Now I getting my degree in a few weeks, and I'm very very sick. refused to get jobs, or talk to people. my parents tried to make me to be a programmer, I depressed, and try to kill myself twice. And I suffering from sleep/digest disorders. I need your help badly. Plz tell me what to do?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX X'd like to help you out.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about what you've been going through. While you are obviously very talented in math and programming, it sounds like your real passion is playing piano. In many ways it is great that you have been able to identify so many strengths in yourself, but it does sound like you are in a tough position now that you are getting your degree in a few weeks and need to look for a job.

I would think that one of the reasons you are having such a difficult time right now is because you are so close to starting your life as a programmer, and in reality, this is not necessarily what you wanted for yourself, but more of what your parents wanted for you. If you have always dreamed of being a piano player or professional musician, you may be at a very difficult point in your life if you are feeling like this degree of software development signifies the end of this dream. This is also very frustrating if your parents always said that they would support you in piano, but still ended up pushing you back towards programming.

It is good that you have not given up on piano, and i would strongly encourage you to continue to see your councilor at Uni. A job in software development may not be the way that you want to live your life, however there may also be a way to make it work in a positive way for yourself. If a job in software development will allow you to pay for your own musical studies and pursue your own interests in piano, then there may be a way to turn this into something positive.

Although you may not be passionate about programming, it may be possible to use programming as a stepping stone to where you want to be. If you can get a good and steady job now, you may be able to use the experience or the money you make to help you to pursue your dreams. I'm terribly sorry to hear about what you went through with your parents, and I'm sure that has not helped to make this easier. If you are feeling so depressed that you are going to try and kill yourself I would strongly recommend going to the hospital right away. Otherwise, it seems like you have a lot of strengths, and even though your life has not gone exactly in the direction that you want it to, you may be able to use this degree and the job you get to help you pursue your other goals in music. If this career allows you enough financial independence to do that, it may all be worthwhile in the end if it allows you to continue to pursue your passion with piano.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this and hope that you are able to stay strong through these next few weeks. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for give me such detailed and brilliant answer.

but If I follow the suggestions, it would be really difficult to accept that my parents are wining. I really can't accept it emotionally.

On the other hand, if I'm not being a programmer, I probably got nothing to do after gradation. may be try to kill myself again?

I don't even have the chance to touch a piano in past ten years, I guess I can't apply for musician jobs right away.

All of the facts is killing me.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
I understand what you are saying about your parents winning, but at the same time, after graduation you may have a lot more freedom to start pursuing your dreams than you have had up until this point. This is only a stepping stone, so it doesn't have to be about winning or losing, especially because nothing has to be final or permanent right now. If your dream is to become a musician, then taking a programmers job could be a great help to you.

Many musicians struggle to find full time work at first, and are forced to do other work too, at least in the beginning. Since you know that most likely you will be good at a programmer's job, the confidence from performing well in front of your coworkers will be a big boost to your confidence in general, which will only help you in pursuing a career in music. A programmer's job may allow you the time to play piano again regularly, and start looking into what it would take to become a professional musician.

It may be difficult emotionally, but the game isn't over and you have not lost. Instead, you have been able to identify a true passion in your life in piano. Many people are unable to do that, and even if they can, only the really lucky/talented people get to pursue it full time. You may still be in a position where you can do that, which is reason to be optimistic. Now it would seem that it is a matter of taking your best skills (even if they are of a programmer) and finding the best way to use them to pursue what you love to do.

I'm sorry to hear that you are so upset about this that you would consider taking your life. I hope that you are able to continue with counciling and take precautions if you depression gets that bad. Despite the fact that this may be a tough point in your life emotionally because of what you went through with your parents, I think there can still be a lot of positives in this situation that you can use to your advantage moving forward. Hang in there.

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Individual and Family Therapist
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