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RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My sons girlfriend of three months

Resolved Question:

My sons girlfriend of three months possesses lots of qualities, and I became friends with her over time. She goes to church every Saturday and stays from early morning to night. my son has gone with her on several occasions. My husband comes from a religious background and I do not. I reserved judgement about his decision because I thought the church may have been meeting a need in him. If not careful, I can be very opinionated about organized religion, and have been earlier in my marriage.
After careful consideration, my son came to realize he is uncomfortable with her religion and approached her delicately but honestly that he felt the relationship long term would not work out for this reason.
I didn't expect to feel so bad about it, as I like her a lot. My son realized I was upset although I tried to hide it. He I felt handled the situation maturely and did what he felt was the right thing to do. This just happened today. I support his decision despite my feelings for her and he knows that. After all, religion is a big issue, and she is very religious.
My question is... Will the grief hit my son later? Also... I tried to be careful, but is it my fault? Indoctrinating him to be non religious? Those are my two main questions.
A close friend of mine is less opinionated than me also thought her level of religious involvement to be unhealthy.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  RealSupport replied 4 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this challenging situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are totally right when you say religion is a big issue, since for relationships to develop and grow as healthy and truly fulfilling ones, both partners need to share the same value and belief systems, otherwise constant destructive conflict or disagreement would arise leading to the need of relationships, or to thier perpetuation as dysfunctional or unfulfilling ones.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

People could have great qualities but they never guaranty happiness and fulfillment in relationship, what could only be developed by team work between two people sharing compatible personalities, having mutual interest, core needs and expectations in life, and same values and beliefs, since it is from here that we shape everything we do in life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Grief is natural and necessary experience in life for people to mature and grow as whole human being. It allows as to mature and value things and what truly matters. Your role is to guide, model what is assertive and support in respectful and empathic ways your son, with unconditional love and consistent and assertive discipline and good judgment. Please continue to support him the best you can.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust.

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