There could be other stresses involved here other than BPD. It sounds as if the moving in together maybe triggered something to me Do you know much about her relationship history? What might be triggering this? By the way, I am adult ADD myself and we can be difficult to deal with at times. When you say after 16 years, are you referring to your time together? I notice you are 64. How old is she?
She's 59, ADD is all of a sudden a do or die situation? I"m not denying I have it but I asking her to do couples conselling and shes basically saying its all my problem She's never been married and had another relationship with a lot of fighting and anger.
Here are the symptoms of BPD as outlined in the DSM. You can find more details at PsychCentral.com.
I didn't really hear this from what you have said. Go ahead and change my mind though. It does sound to me this recent move maybe has brought some stress to her that has triggered this. Do you mind telling me what it is specifically about your ADD that seems to bother her so much? I am sorry for the continued questions, but I do want to be a help.
I started to see a therapist at her urging and he seems to be asking my why am I staying in a relationship with a woman who always in control and whom I haven't had sex with in three years.Which is quite surprising. He seems to be intimateing that she's a problem child and the universe revolves around her. It's all so confusing. She's made ADD more of a monster than it is.
Well, as far as ADD goes, you have my support. I have managed to use it to my advantage over the years. I can accomplish more without thinking about it....literally, than most can while thinking about it. It is all a matter of making it work for you.
Has she always been this way? Could this be menopause? Why do you stay?
Here goes again...
As I said earlier, we ADD folks can be frustrating to live with, but it does sound you are making genuine efforts toward improvement. Sounds to me she needs to make some effort as well. This really doesnt sound like BPD to me, but you are the one living with her. If I were you I would try to find a way to gracefully suggest she see an OBGYN or at least GP. This very well could be related. Not sure I would be upfront about it. A doctor could prescribe meds for anxiety and depression as well. If you wish to continue this relationship, you probably need to give some bounadaries for her. You have attended therapy . It is time she attends with you. It sounds to me your therapist was dead on, but you might benefit as a couple from couples therapy. Dont accept no for an answer. It is time she share at least a little of the remedy if not the blame.
I hope this all works out for you. Let me know if you have questions or want further dialog. I really do want to be a help to you.