Yes, I stare at my computer or coursework for hours, sometimes 7-8 hours. I may read an assignment and commence to write, erase, and rewrite the same paragraph over and over again. I thought it may be a fear of the fast approaching deadline. My courses end at the end of this week, but I have been given until the end of August to complete all six courses by the university. I was diagnosed with IBS and ulcerative colitis. Consequently, I received extensions in six courses. While in school I was extremely involved. I always worked, was apart of various clubs and completed internships. But constantly being at the doctors, suffering from vomiting and not being able to attend all my classes put a damper to my active academic life. Contrary to what I was told to do, I continued my heavy load in involvement, full time schooling, working part time and interning. As a result, my health suffered and I had a hard time keeping up with my workload. After recovery, all of my professors agreed to help me. They all gave me extensions and I have been given a year grace period.
It is IMPERATIVE that I finish school at the end of this month. My parents have supported me emotionally and financially throughout this whole process.
Initally, after walking across the stage and particiapating in graduation activities, I was in denial that I had not truly completed my coursework. Job searches put me back into reality that I had not attained my bachelor's and I needed to... fast. My loans are piling up and my parents can not afford to continue to support me finanically.
I am extremely blessed family wise. My parents and brothers have ALWAYS been there for me. Growing up, being the only girl and the oldest, I was determined to be a high achiever and make my parents proud. The realization that I dissappointed them is paralyzing.
Dr. Mark, all I aspire to do is help others. I know that a bachelor's is key in being able to fulfill my purpose. In fact, a master's is required for most counseling positions. So, I am very discouraged regarding school. If Im having this hard of a time getting a bachelor's, master's seems extremely farfetched. I have had incredible experiences in my young life, Dr. Mark. As a representative, I was afforded the opportunity to travel to various states and four countries, representing my nation and my university. Im trying to find that ambitous, hardworking part of myself again. I dont understand why I am having such a hard time.
IBS has not helped throughout this situation, but it does not cripple my abilities. I have had ailments since I was young, so I know the process of persevernece. I have taken the steps to fight being relaeased from the school. I have taken care of business in that regard, but now is just the actual coursework that I am having such a hard time with. I do not have any mental health issues any longer. At least, I dont think I do. I was extremely depressed in the beginning of the year, due to feelings of failure, but now I have a zest for life and I find joy in the little things. Could it be a fear of inadequacy that is immobilized my ability to produce great work and affected my work ethic?