Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Your question is very evocative that there is so much behind the simple few words you write. Did you ever have periods of this type of "block" before? Can you share more about them? When? How did they abate?
So you've stopped social activities, telephone, etc. So, what are you actually spending your time doing when you're barricaded in your room? Give me a detailed report. Are you actually sitting and staring for 4 hours non stop?
Why are you trying to finish school right now? Is it possible you'd be happier going back to work and finishing at a later date when you really want to?
What was your illness? Your timeline is that the illness seems to have disrupted your life. Is this the case? Is there some trauma involved here?
Was there trauma or abuse in your childhood? What about alcohol or dysfunction in your family when you were growing up?
Are you interested in medications to help? Or self help techniques? Or psychotherapy?
Have you had any mental health issues?
Are you getting any treatment right now? If so, what type? How is it going?
If not, when was the last treatment? What type of treatment was it? Was it helpful?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
Yes, I stare at my computer or coursework for hours, sometimes 7-8 hours. I may read an assignment and commence to write, erase, and rewrite the same paragraph over and over again. I thought it may be a fear of the fast approaching deadline. My courses end at the end of this week, but I have been given until the end of August to complete all six courses by the university. I was diagnosed with IBS and ulcerative colitis. Consequently, I received extensions in six courses. While in school I was extremely involved. I always worked, was apart of various clubs and completed internships. But constantly being at the doctors, suffering from vomiting and not being able to attend all my classes put a damper to my active academic life. Contrary to what I was told to do, I continued my heavy load in involvement, full time schooling, working part time and interning. As a result, my health suffered and I had a hard time keeping up with my workload. After recovery, all of my professors agreed to help me. They all gave me extensions and I have been given a year grace period.
It is IMPERATIVE that I finish school at the end of this month. My parents have supported me emotionally and financially throughout this whole process.
Initally, after walking across the stage and particiapating in graduation activities, I was in denial that I had not truly completed my coursework. Job searches put me back into reality that I had not attained my bachelor's and I needed to... fast. My loans are piling up and my parents can not afford to continue to support me finanically.
I am extremely blessed family wise. My parents and brothers have ALWAYS been there for me. Growing up, being the only girl and the oldest, I was determined to be a high achiever and make my parents proud. The realization that I dissappointed them is paralyzing.
Dr. Mark, all I aspire to do is help others. I know that a bachelor's is key in being able to fulfill my purpose. In fact, a master's is required for most counseling positions. So, I am very discouraged regarding school. If Im having this hard of a time getting a bachelor's, master's seems extremely farfetched. I have had incredible experiences in my young life, Dr. Mark. As a representative, I was afforded the opportunity to travel to various states and four countries, representing my nation and my university. Im trying to find that ambitous, hardworking part of myself again. I dont understand why I am having such a hard time.
IBS has not helped throughout this situation, but it does not cripple my abilities. I have had ailments since I was young, so I know the process of persevernece. I have taken the steps to fight being relaeased from the school. I have taken care of business in that regard, but now is just the actual coursework that I am having such a hard time with. I do not have any mental health issues any longer. At least, I dont think I do. I was extremely depressed in the beginning of the year, due to feelings of failure, but now I have a zest for life and I find joy in the little things. Could it be a fear of inadequacy that is immobilized my ability to produce great work and affected my work ethic?
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.
I do have some questions first though. What would you say is the reason for these feelings of inadequacy? How much time do you feel it would take to just get by on the required assignments? Can you accept just getting by? I really do want to help you but the answers to these questions might help me in doing so.
Well, I have always had very high expectations. My family also has high expectations of me, even after I failed them with not getting my degree. I have gotten past the idea of dissapointing all my instructors who believed in me and now I just want that degree as a tool to catapult me into the future. Im just not sure how to make it occur. Perhaps, I fear the ability to live up to anyone's professional expectations anymore... including my own.
I just need the rest of the month to just get by and I feel that I can complete the work. I thought maybe that is an issue as well. As I begin my work, I feel overwhelmed and my thoughts of not being able to please my professors take over and I am right back where I started. I must kick these thoughts and feelings to the side, so that I can execute my goals quickly and effeiciently like I used to. At this point, it feels like a reoccuring nightmare that I am trying to wake up from. Not getting work done is not me. I have been a hardworking, high achiever all my life.... I am searching desperately for a solution...
Thank you. That seems very realistic. I have made short goal lists recently, but nothing too detailed. So, perhaps if I make a realistic goal to finish certain assignments and not think about the other classes until I am done with each one, then you believe I can finish it all by the end of August?