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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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OK, IM BACK AND I RATED YOU, AND YES I HAD TO PAY AGAIN, DID

Customer Question

OK, IM BACK AND I RATED YOU, AND YES I HAD TO PAY AGAIN, DID YOU GET MY LAST COMMENTS?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. I am here. I will be leaving my office for the afternoon in 10 minutes but will be back at 7pm. thank you for the positive rating.

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

WHAT SHOULD I DO

CoachJenK :

more time. I know that is hard. But you have no other choice. you dont want to leave. give her some time to see your therapist.

CoachJenK :

you love her and want to be with her so honor what she needs now and hope that she will come around and desire what you do.

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

its so hard

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

i know she need time

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

but i feel useless

CoachJenK :

I know it is. You are doing all you can right now

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

talking helps, i wish i could talk to someone everyday, to help me be patient, do you recommend medication for me

CoachJenK :

I am so sorry but I need to run to pick up my kids from school. Click save and exit and come back to it tonight after 7pm so I can support you.

CoachJenK :

I would speak with your therapist about meds

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

ok

CoachJenK :

and you can come to me as often as you need to.

CoachJenK :

I want to listen and keep you grounded.

JACUSTOMER-woivtuwj- :

ok

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
r u back?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I think i made some very bad comments to her, i said i wish you were dead, i called her a monster, iam searching for answers and its killing any chance i have to fix things, she is going thru a mid life crisis and there is nothing i can do to help her, the pros say that all i can do is NOTHING, just do nothing. I not use to doing nothing.........
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I am sorry to hear that. You are frustrated but clearly you know those words you spoke were not the best choice. I am hoping you can go to her and let her know how sad and frustrated you are and you lost your cool because you feel like you are losing her and you don't want to do that. She is the world to you...please let her know that and you must give her the space she needs or she will disappear.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I apologized to her more then once, and i asked her to forgive me, i told her that people say many things they dont mean in the moment of anger, she said that she could not forgive or forget what i said. Even she said once that she wished she was dead. I am trying, but i think that she is clearly in a mid life crisis, i keep telling her how much she means to me, she know just how much, but she resents me, she is scared of me, the things i say when we argue. every time i open my mouth i but my foot in it and it gives more reason to hate me. Tonight i am going to try to talk to her once more, quitely hopefully, people who are going thru midlife crisis are just hard to thru too,
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Let's not put a label on what she is going through, but rather have some love and care for her while she is struggling with things in the marriage. Please give her some room.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
its so hard to do, but i will try to be patent and quite
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I know you are suffering too and you want answers, but this cannot be rushed so you need to keep your goal in mind and that is you want her back, so while she is going through this you need to give her the room to do so.

Call your therapist and ask for some additional sessions during this time. If finances are an issue then ask him to give you a break on the fee for additional sessions. You need that extra support now.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Well last night she went to see my therapist, and it did not turn out the way i expected. He told her that we needed to separate for 6 months to a year because both of us are in a crisis. I do not agree with this, but she does. He also told her that she needed to see psychoatris instead of a therapist becasue she really has some deep issuse going way back in her life..

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I am sorry to hear that but it is not much different than what has been transpiring. It is just a different way of saying that she needs space. I agree that you are both in crisis and things are not working right now. This separation may give you both the time and space to work on yourselves and hopefully reconnect with one another. Stay as calm as you can....I know how you are suffering, but this may turn out okay. I am hoping for that for you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I am not as sure as you are that this will work out in the long run, i believe that once i leave the house it will all be over, because i dont reallt think she ever loved me at all. because how do you just fall out of love? she loves me as her childrens father still, she is so cold, but you know last night after we talked, she let me make love to her, what the hell that? i asked for it and she said ok..

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
That does show me she is a woman who loves you but also a woman who is so very confused. All we can do now is to let things fall where they do. It is not always the case that once you leave things are over. We have no way to predict that, but we do know that if you continue living the way you are now, then things will continue to spiral downward.

So, you work on yourself, give her what she needs in terms of space and hope and pray that it works out how you want.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I guess i knew deep down inside that i was going to have to leave and give her the time she needs to clear her head. i am so sad, i have no one else to turn too, its going to be so hard just going to work and coming home and not seeing my wife and kids, and sleeping alone, being alone, i have no one. I mean i helped my kids with their homework, cleaning cooking, bathing, dressing brushing teeth, walking the dog, man what am i going to do now?

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
You are going to keep being the man and father you are. You will remain in your kids lives doing all that you do and yes with a bit of change around it, but focus on the time with them and also yourself. This is your time too to work on things.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Its going to be very hard for me to be around the kids while she is there, its going to be very hard for me not to call her, its going to be very hard not to text and e-mail her. So i thought about diappearing for a month or two while i get my head together. I just cant see her after i leave, i love her too muchto pretent every thing is going to be ok... i hope she get the help she needs...right now i cant funstion at work, its a shame these things happen

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I understand your desire to disappear but think of your children...I am not sure that will be the best thing for them.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well, thanks for your help, i guess only time will tell, i have a frrling of hopelessness, and i also feel worthless, like its my fault this happened. I can't help thinking ahead and seeing my wife in another relationship. its just too much to handle. i know i have kids to look after, it be hard not seeing them. good bye coach and thanks again..
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Please take care of yourself and focus on you now and being the man you desire to be. If she sees the changes it may allow her to reconnect to you. Stay in therapy and keep working on you. You need that support. I am here when you need.

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