Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know how overwhelming this situation has been for you.
What you describe here seems to show real severe depression. For how long have you been feeling this way?
Is this my answer?
I have not provided an answer, since you did not specify a concrete question. I was trying to invite you to dialogue about your situation in order to provide some support.
That's why I asked a question about it.
What else can I tell you?
I have been feeling this way for quite some time....only as of late the intensitiy is greater
I see, then you have been depressed for months or years, but recent stressors may have triggered further depression.
This is probably true....my mom passed about a year ago after a long illness
Your message seems to refer to multiple life issues leading you to depression.
The job is getting much more intense as far as expectations
I am very sorry for your loss. grieving a mother is never easy and it could take from months to years for a person to recover. If you were facing challenges from her long illness, then you were already impacted by big pressure.
I guess i get depression confused because of the fact that I do not feel sad
Then you have been receiving much pressure from different fronts when already depressed. Under such circumstances, without necessary support, anybody in your shoes would get this depressed and overwhelmed.
O verwhelmed is a key word in my life
Right. What happens is that mostly males express sadness through anger, since it is more socially acceptable, it is that way because of cultural conditioning. We tend to repress much more and that's why painful feelings are acted out as anger instead of showing themselves the way they are.
So what do you suggest?....Ihave been on ssri's in the past but they affect me badly
We get hurt, feel pain inside, do not know how to handle it, then repress, deny or avoid it and try to move on. But it does not work for long, since we are mainly numbing ourselves, while the pain stays inside undermining from mood to functioning.
I do never recommend any drugs, they mostly numb you and create extra issues. Psychotherapy is the way to go, for you to work on truly identifying, venting and processing painful feelings, improving coping, self -esteem and assertiveness to better experience life and its issues.
Also have recently been on amitriptyline....with no relief.....just left with alprazolam now
I seriously recommend you to start individual psychotherapy ASAP and also look for group therapy or a support group for depression / grief.
I have tried with no success to find a support group
have you asked for referrals from your primary care physician, at local hospitals or clinics? have you contacted local county mental health department and asked for such information?
I guess that is the way I'll have to go....as looking through the phone book and online has beed unsuccessful
Thank You for your time
You're very welcome. Please take gentle care and consistent action. You need and deserve to be and feel better, just need adequate support.
Again thanks....good bye