I am so sad
right now, it is hard for me to write. My husband and I have been married for 24 years and have 3 children. Twenty years ago, after the birth of our daughter, my husband had a one night stand while I was away to which he admitted.
We went through counseling together as I was devastated. He was the first and only person with whom I have ever slept. At the time, my husband acknowledged that he may have been blaming me subconsciously for how difficult things were at work and in essence, how poorly he felt about himself.
Well, we managed to work things out and while we have had our share of stress
with children and with jobs, I really felt we were on the right track. Until recently, when on holiday, my husband had a few too many drinks and was uncharacteristically verbally hostile with me when we were alone. I attributed it to job stress (work has been difficult for him lately) and did
speak with him the following days about his manner and actions that night.
My husband went back to where we live as he had to work while I stayed in the vacation place with the kids. Upon my return, a week and a half later, my husband confessed that on his first night home, he met up with colleagues and drank far too much. In the middle of the night, he woke up with jet lag (still drunk apparently) and went to a local bar. He ended up with a girl/.prostitute in our bed and says he has no recollection of what transpired when he got home. He awoke the next morning and asked the girl to leave. When showering, he noticed a cut/sore on his penis and went immediately to a family clinic for testing. He is now taking HIV meds as a precaution.
So there you have it...He is not even sure if the girl was a prostitute or whether he paid her. He found his money in the refrigerator the next morning. What compelled him to put it there in a drunken state, I can only assume a fear that she would take his money.
Ans so...on some level he had to have some awareness of his actions. I don't know what to do at this point. He has said he doesn't understand what got into him and that he felt like a different person was orchestrating his behavior. He says he feels disgusted with himself and his actions. He has offered to leave if I need space but has been extremely supportive and has tried to help me in any way he can (making dinner, cleaning up the house, walking the dog...)
He has said our life was so good and doesn't understand why he sabotaged our marriage/life for one stupid night.