I want a professional opinion about parenting a 10 year old boy. I have lived with my girlfriend for a year. She has been divorced for two years. We alternate weeks with her ex. I have a wonderful relationship with mother and son. I also get along just fine with ex hubby.
Her son looks up to me and enjoys spending time with me. He is a good hearted kid for the most part and very bright. I don’t actively parent him, but I do try to share values and lead by example. He responds well to my advice and actions.
My issue is that I feel his mother needs to set some boundaries and start treating him like a young man. He lies straight to her face all the time, cries like a baby when in trouble and back talks her all the time. He doesn’t back talk me at all. I’ve never disciplined him in any way. Mother expects him to be responsible and start acting like a young man, yet treats him like a 4 year old in many ways.
When I try to talk to her about changing her approach, she shuts me out and gets angry with me. She doesn’t want to hear it and thinks I have no basis for my opinion because I don’t have children.
I think everything with the son stems from a lack of boundaries and letting go of her baby. She thinks it is perfectly fine to engage in long body hugs with him in public while he kisses her on the chest. When we watch a movie together, he lays all over us and rubs her legs. She cuddles with him in our bed, which annoys me. He mounts her and gives her back massages. I believe there should be space for us that he isn’t part of and our bed seems like one of them. He walks around naked without any thought of it being inappropriate. She cuts his nails and starts the shower for him. She tried to talk him out of a field trip to a small amusement park with his summer camp because he may get lost or whatever. All of this behavior seems like something you may do with a 4 or 5 year old, but he is 10. I feel he thinks much more like 15 than 5.
She slept in bed with him until he was almost nine. Not every night I suppose, but most nights. She stopped doing this when I moved in. He seemed ok with it. She set a boundary and explained that he was getting older and it’s time to sleep in his bed. He hasn’t had any problems at all.
When he gets in trouble, he cries like a little baby. Next step is to act sweet and sad. Then he cuddles up with mom and everything is ok. She opens her arms and all is well. To me, that defeats the whole purpose of explaining what he did wrong and how he needs to change the behavior.
Yesterday they had an argument because he has been doing fun things all week and weekend. She asked him to work on his prep work for school. He didn’t listen and just goofed off all morning. She gave him a lecture and he starts crying and talking about how much pressure he is under. He lies to her about what he has done with the school work. She was upset and she left the room. Ten minutes later she is cuddled up in our bed with him and all is good. He got his way and all was fine. She then resents me for being disgusted by this behavior. He knows what he is doing. He told me he always wins with mom and he just has to do what he used to do (ie cry and cuddle).
Last weekend I suggested we all watch a movie and he got to stay up late. I explained to him that I hadn’t seen mom much this week so I wanted to cuddle with her during the movie. I asked if he would be good with just sitting next to us on the couch as opposed to on us. He said sure and it was a nice evening for all of us. I thought this seemed like a nice step in the right direction.
Am I crazy for thinking that it’s time to explain that he isn’t a baby and stop with the cuddling, body kisses and PDA? Wouldn’t it make sense to explain that he is a young man and this type of affection is for babies or partners? It annoys her many times, but she just asks him to do something else in order to get him off of her. I think she should just explain that he isn’t a baby and he isn’t her partner. She says it’s way too early for this and it will just naturally happen. He has her wrapped around his finger because she doesn’t want to lose her precious baby. I don’t view him as a baby. I view him as a spoiled brat that is getting worse, not better.
Also, he has to always be touching me as well. If we are talking or doing something quiet, he has to rub me and sit on me and constantly touch. It’s not a huge thing, but I think it is odd. I don’t always want his fingers in my face and his crotch pressed against me. I have managed to stop this behavior for the most part by just telling him that I don’t want him all over me. He seems to get it and be ok with the idea.
Most web posts advocate cuddling with your kids until they are teenagers if they like it. When I ask my mother or female friends with children, they tell me that they think mother and son could both use counseling. I see a 10 year old that thinks the

Optional Information:
Person's Gender: Male
Person's Age: 40

Already Tried:
Talking to my girlfriend and leading by example.