Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about the trauma-s you experienced years ago. Abuse is never acceptable under any circumstance, and I would say that when it gets to the point of being severe enough to impact on our vulnerability, it could and does deeply undermine our mental and emotional health, leading to consequences in mood, functioning and relationships.
Thus this "strong desire to submit yourself to slavery" could be a direct consequences of past traumatic abuse you suffered. This is clearly a very destructive form of self-neglect and self-abuse, where he person totally exposes himself to chronic abuse and neglect, which is the worst approach we could ever have, but one real, and many times common consequences from unresolved trauma - abuse.
I am glad you did not follow counselor's recommendations which seem unethical and non-professional.
My recommendation is for you to look for professional individual and group psychotherapy in order to work on yourself and past trauma and abuse. Healing must happen in order for you to be able to move on and take good care of yourself instead of this ultimate betrayal and abandonment allowing other people to exploit you, which is something people could do when they feel hopeless and helpless, unable to cope with life issues. Be patient and caution since you need a competent and ethical, experienced professional with expertise in depression, anxiety, trauma and sexual identity-related issues. Ideally one with a humanistic or integral approach, what means he-she would not mainly focus on mechanically changing your behavior, but on supporting you to better understand and support yourself, your past and present, to improve coping skills and assertiveness, and truly heal from past trauma and any present form of sabotage, abuse or neglect.
I hope this make sense and that you could take consistent action getting adequate support to build the life and well-being you need and deserve. Thank you for your trust.
of little help - i understood by last therapist wasn't right.. think this format is not suitable for such advise
This site is exclusively intended for general information and not for counseling or psychotherapy. You post a question and get an answer based on your understanding and agreement with site´s terms and conditions. I provided response based on information you posted. If you want counseling. please look for local psychological services or look online for -online counseling. I do keep previous recommendations.
I am sorry to know you rate bad service taking into account you expected a service this site does not offer. I sincerely hope you get the support you need and deserve.