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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1692
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My son become an addict at about 17 while living with his biological father! He was arrest

Customer Question

My son become an addict at about 17 while living with his biological father! He was arrested for cocaine and given 10 yrs.deferred adjudication!
I helped him to make it thru 7 of the 10 and it was hell! I became single again and I refused to let him live with me as long as he was using! He ended up doing 2/12 years in prison and one would think I forced him to screw-up! His anger toward me and the fact that he keep my grandson from seeing me, except on rare occasion has me heart broken! I was a good mom yet it appears that all the lies,things stolen from me were ok! I have blocked he, and my daughter from facebook!! I don't deserve the disrespect I have put up for all these years...I'm 66 now and at least I won't be sitting around thinking they might call!

AM I wrong?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 1 year ago.

Dr.Keane :

I can help you with this today.

Dr.Keane :

First off, you are not wrong in feeling the way you do, and I applaud you for not enabling him by letting him live with you when he was using. It is heartbreaking but anyone who has lived with an addict, worked with an addict knows that until they realize their behavior, present or past is the problem they will blame others. As far a blocking them from facebook that is not such a bad thing, only reason I can see to keep connected there would be to see pictures of your grandchild.

Dr.Keane :

Is he still using?

Customer:

No he's been sober for 10 years but he had blocked me a years ago! So I did the same! I don't understand how he can be around his brothers who drink and his sister also!

Dr.Keane :

sorry lost connection there.....

Dr.Keane :

If he has been sober for 10 years I would have hoped that the process helped him deal with his anger, evidently not. He is an adult and there is nothing you can do except take care of you and hopefully one day he will mature enough to make amends. If there is a support group (alanon) or you have access to counseling I would suggest you spend some time on you, you deserve better but that doesn't mean you'll get it.

Dr.Keane :

The sad part is that it's not just you losing out , your grandchild is as well. You may want to look into your legal rights to see your grandchild more often. It isn't the easiest process but you do have rights.

Dr.Keane :

Are you still here?

Customer:

Haven't seen or heard from my daughter for 2 months prior to Mother's Day, my son came over dropped of a present and left...not a word since! I live alone and tend to fall yet had I they would never have known! I wish them well...but I'm finished! She is 48 and he's 44 so I think they are as grown as the will ever be!

Customer:

look above

Dr.Keane :

they may be grown but they are not mature. Now is the time to focus on you as difficult as it may be. Just the fact that your son dropped off a gift says deep down he knows you have been there for him. His anger is overriding his judgement. You are smart but don't close the door all the way.

Dr.Keane :

Take care of YOU and see where it goes. Keep in touch with the grandchild with cards and ask for visitation.

Dr.Keane :

Not much more you can do and I know it's heartbreaking and unfair, that's being a parent, no guarantees.

Customer:

Ok and thank you! I just believe he hasn't worked all his steps

Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1692
Experience: Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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