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Ask Norman M. Your Own Question

Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2543
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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If a childwas raped by family member, and kept it secret for

Resolved Question:

If a child was raped by family member, and kept it secret for 22 yrs, how much would it affect adult sexual experiences? Ifs there help for overcoming this?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 2 years ago.

NormanM :

Hello, I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?

Customer:

yes im ready


 

NormanM :

Hi - would you care to tell me yot name - it's nicer than chatting to a number. But if you don't want to, that's OK

Customer:
Customer:

cristi


 

NormanM :

Hello Cristi. The question you have is a difficult one. The adults perception of what happened to her is colored by he experiences while growing up, and by her whole life experince.

NormanM :

However, it is very common that people who were abused when they were young have difficulties with relationships, physical and emotional later on

Customer:

yes, how do u overcome the difficulties in relationship


 

NormanM :

Generally speaking, it is a matter of trust. Can I trust this man or woman not to hurt me, and not to betray me in any way. In your case, can you tell me if the problems are semotional or physical or both?

Customer:

i have a hard time beginning the intimacy, sometimes just being able to have conversation


 

NormanM :

OK - Have wou ever talked to anyone about your bad experiences in the past?

Customer:

i had emfp, i think it was called, had very vivid nghtmares there for awhile

Customer:

both emotional and physical


 

NormanM :

I think that your problem is indeed based on fear of what might happen. Even if that is on a sub-conscious level.

NormanM :

The best way forward for you, I suspect, would be a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which would help you overcome these stumbling blocks

NormanM :

Do you know anything about CBT?

Customer:

i am on my second marriage, i think this also has to do with the emotional and physical part that my first husband would push me away from lettig me be in charge of the intimacy, and now that i am with the love of my life and trying to have kids i want to overcome


 

Customer:

yes


 

NormanM :

How do you feel about seeing a CBT therapist?

Customer:

would consider it


 

NormanM :

Let me say too that your experience in your first marriage would have added to you problems, without a boubt.

Customer:

i figure that


 

Customer:
NormanM :

You really are going to need one-to-one help to resolve these issue. I don't think you can do it yourself - hence my suggestion of some CBT.

NormanM :

What do you think?

Customer:

idk if i can jsut go make appt or if i have to be referred, my hsuband is in the military, and he is seeign therapist


 

NormanM :

No, you do not have to be referred. Look around thgevarious CBT therapists in your area (you can find them easily on Google) and talk to at least three. Go with the one that makes you feel most comfortable.

Customer:

ok,


 

NormanM :

With a bit of help, you can get over this Cristi.

Customer:

im hoping


 

Customer:
NormanM :

Is there anything else you would like to know?

Customer:

i do regret keeping secret for so long


 

NormanM :

Would you like me to post my handout on CBT for you to read?

Customer:

ok


 

NormanM :

I'm sure you do regret it too! Perhaps now is the time to get rid of it!

NormanM :

Just a moment, and Ill get that info for you

NormanM :

Here you are -

NormanM :

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.


 


These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.


 


If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,


the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.


 


Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.


 


Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.


 


Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.


 


Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:


http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx


 


If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:


http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm


 


Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.


Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.


Best wishes, NormanM


 


 


 

NormanM :

I'm sure it would help you.

NormanM :

Anything else you would like to know, Cristi?

Customer:

ill have to look into that

NormanM :

Can you tell me why you thought my service was poor?

Customer:

i hit the wrong one


 

NormanM :

OK! Is there anythin g more?

Customer:

no that should be good

Customer:
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2543
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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