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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Good morning, Kate. I feel a lot calmer this morning. Dont

Resolved Question:

Good morning, Kate. I feel a lot calmer this morning. Don't feel great, but better! :). I have court this morning (waiting for my client right now, actually), which will be a good distraction, although short.

I sang a solo yesterday on church. A song that is really meaningful to me. P, c, s and our regular drummer played with me bit been such a production. Normally we practice once and we're fine. Apparently the guitar parts were weird and s hasn't played in a while, so we actually practiced a lot. But c has been out of town and it was a mess. I'm sure nobody else could tell, but it didn't go great and the morning was not good. I was in suh a bad mood and tired and then we had to go over it so many times, I was so frustrated. I didn't feel worshipful and it was a wreck. That made me mad, because it I such a cool song. The words are so great. Anyway, that didn't go well. Got home and fell asleep. I think I could have slept all day if we hadn't had to move furniture in the afternoon.

Ha a bad dream saturday night an again last night. I am torn about what I want to do vis-a-vis Linda this evening. I'll go to my appointment. I need to at least connect. Part of me doesn't want to talk about anything, part of me wants to talk about what happened Thursday and Friday, etc.and part of me wants to just go forward and continue what we were doing so that I don't delay this any further. Whatsoever you think? I get the sense that Linda will want to back off, which may be the way to go. I don't know. When things happen like what did Thursday, is that helpful in my progress or hurtful? If helpful, then I guess I could be willing to suck it up even if it keeps happening.

Also - you know how I told you c was inappropriate w/ one of P's 18 year old great nieces? And I think I told you that all 3 of them (the 18 yo twin & 20 yo sister) had been molested by their father when they were younger? Well, the oldest had told heron (she was 8), her mom immediately called ayluthorities and he was arrested and spent 10 years in jail on a plea in AZ. Just got out last summer, but there is no contact or anything. Well, the 20 to ("JE") has battled w/ depression and was in therapy on and off since then. She is doing so well. Is in school, working, responsible, has a great bf we all love. She has gone of her antidepressants a few times (never turns out well) and I think may be playing around with them again. Anyway, her mom, L (P's niece, good friend of mine) had talked to P and I several
Months ago, when one of the twins was having some major issues (drugs, shoplifting, anorexia) and refused to go to counseling. P (with my permission) told L I am in therapy and why and thataybe I could give them the # XXXXX Linda's center and maybe talk to J (twin) about going back to therapy. Anyway, I never spoke to anyone about it. But L tol me last week or th week before that JE was having lots of trouble a d having frequent meltdowns recently and wasn't too excited about starting therapy again because she didn't think it helped. L told her about my situation and JE aske her I I thought therapy helped, could she go to my therapist, and would I talk to her about it. Of course I said I would, but I don't know that I'm the one to talk to her. To refuse would harm her. But I am having trouble w/ therapy myself. I cant tell her she will feel better any time soon. L said she is blaming @ hating herself a lot. That I do understand. But ... I am taking JE to dinner tomorrow night. I don't know what to tell her, except that I think she should go back to therapy with soneone she chooses (since she is an adult now) and that she should probably get a referral to a psychiatrist for her meds, instead of the GP. I think she might feel differently now that she is an adult. I got the feeling that before, they all 3 went to the same counselor and sometimes were in together, etc. I wonder if she realizes it would be different now and she can choose her own therapist. Otherwise, what can I tell her? I am not an expert by any means, and I haven't figured out anything myself - so I don't have much knowledge to share with her. I can't tell her the right way to handle it or how to fix things, because I don't know myself. I guess icantell her what is NOT helpful - such as not dealing with it for years. I don't know. I don't want to discourage her or do more harm. Suggestions??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Shay,

I am glad you are feeling better, though the thing at church sounds frustrating. I'm with you, I love a good song in church. But if I had to deal with someone fiddling with it for a long time, that would kind of ruin it!

It's normal that you feel torn about talking tonight with Linda. Talking about how you feel can make you feel overwhelmed. And sometimes it is ok to not work so intensely on your emotions. But eventually, moving forward is important. These feelings are going to be there regardless, so addressing them by working through them is vital. You want to put them behind you and not have to work on them again. Keep in mind, you may feel the urge to avoid how you feel because of your background and it may feel like it is too overwhelming. But you will be ok. You have ways to cope. And your feelings are already there, you just need to bring them out and find new ways to deal with them. It might help you to write out some of the things that are foremost on your mind. Things you are feeling from your nightmares, for example. That way, you can have a focus. You can also continue your telling and see where that takes you.

Sessions like Thursday were good for your progress. Any way you deal with your feelings is going to help, whether you just sit and cry or you work through your telling. Just being there and talking helps no matter what.

You did mention the story about P's great niece and her father when we talked about A. When you do see JE, it may help to let her know that you are in therapy and that you are working through your issues. You don't have to tell her details, but letting her know that therapy is sometimes hard but is the best way to work out your problems is ok to do. You want to find a balance between discouraging her from trying and letting her know that it can be hard to face your issues but also rewarding. Talk about what made you go to therapy and how it has helped you work through what you feel. Also, let her know that every therapist is different. One bad experience does not mean therapy will not work. She just needs to find someone that has the knowledge and experience to help her. To help her find a therapist, suggest that she ask her doctor for a referral. She can also search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/. She can search for someone who she feels comfortable with and who she feels can help her. Having her see Linda is fine too if you feel that Linda is a good match for her. JE should also see a psychiatrist for her medications. General docs are good for temporary medications but if JE is having those kinds of issues, then she needs the knowledge of someone in the mental health field to help her. If it's ok, let me know how it goes when you meet with her.

Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I don't think Linda would be a good match for her. I think she'd like someone younger, from what I gather. Plus, Linda is not taking new clients right now. That is fine, because I don't know how I would feel about that. Not that Linda would break confidences - she wouldn't. But I don't really want JE to tell me what she & Linda talk about or, if she didn't get along with her, to tell me. I kind I want to keep her separate - I don't want to know anything about her that would affect my interactions with her, you know? It's hard enough as it is, with the things she has told me.

But the organization through which Linda work has a lot of therapists. I initially met with a therapist or a screening type of thing, then the director reviews notes and decides who he thinks woul be the best fit and which therapists have the necessary expertise. He chose Linda, she reviewed stuff and it was up to her whether she would take me. Then he called me, told me that he thought she would be the best fit, but that she was out of town for several weeks or something, so I could wait or He could have me go to another person. I chose to wait. I liked how they did it, and they made a good choice for me. So I think jE could get a good match through them. And they are all Christians, but you can choose up front whether you want that integrated as part of therapy or not.

Also, I am done with the telling. She had given me her notes from the telling and I read them and wrote down comments and gave them to her. She read through those and was commenting on what I had written. I don't know of she was done or she just stopped because I had taken to cryin the whole session. I will ask her.

The issue on Thursday was not so much the crying - it was going into a flashback and I think that is what made me feel so awful after. Can those be helpful for recovery, too?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like a good idea to refer her to another therapist then, if you feel uncomfortable having her see Linda. You could also ask Linda for a referral too.

Flashbacks are symptoms of PTSD rather than a useful tool. They can tell you a lot about where you are in recovery and what issues you are dealing with, but that is about it.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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