My mother has lived with me for 1.5 years. I'm bipolar
with borderline personality disorder
, I'm on medication and I see my doctors regularly. I know I'm not a joy to live with as I have frequent headaches and no social life and a child with behavioral problems and Aspergers traits. My mom helps a lot around the house. She has taken on the yard work and most of the house work. She does it, she says, because she doesn't know where she stands with me and she feels the need to earn her keep. If I do something, like wash dishes or reorganize my closet, she kind of sulks and asks why I didn't wait for her and is she not doing a good job and goes on and on about why she didn't get to it before me. When we have fights, she says she's nothing but a housekeeper and she should just stay in her room with the door shut and other mopey things. Sometimes she complains of being underappreciated, slams doors, sighs, mutters bitchy things just loud enough to be heard. Today, she was telling my daughter that her finding amusement with her farts was something she should quit, and came to tell me all about it, then told me that none of her friends farted and laughed like that. In fact, they didn't fart at all around her ever I think she said. I made the mistake of telling her that my friends did
(I am 34) when I was a kid, and I just talked to a teacher who told me it is normal for the age group (my child is 10) and they usually grow out of it. "Well, my friends didn't do that..." she said, I made another mistake by telling her she was never that intimate with anyone. To which she got very defensive and said she had been to a couple of girls' houses a total of two times, she played outside with kids, and went to holiday parties. I made the further mistake of saying that doesn't constitute intimacy, and that she had an abnormal childhood (which she has even said herself to me) but she got really defensive as if I were attacking her personally. I was thinking, what the hell? I said her childhood sucked, her parents fought like cats and dogs, she was treated like a little adult from an early age, and she's got poor people skills (which is true). Is that an attack on my part? I thought I was repeating what I had been told. My mom doesn't understand children. This was just an example of a behavior pattern. She's very upset at me now, she said I was beoing passive aggressive, but I was just presenting my opinions like I am here now, with you. Kind of emotional now, this sort of interchange has been going on for a while. She tells me I am not a doctor and I need to stop diagnosing her. I'm frustrated because she won't see a doctor. She says she is happy for the most part being a hermit and having no friends. I told her basically she came by that naturally, her childhood, although filled with a few memories of cowboys and indians and a Halloween party, wasn't healthy. I'm tired of her getting so neurotic on my daughter. My daughter has problems, but she is so much more friendly and happy than I was as a kid. I think my mom wants me to be what is called a "helicopter parent." When I zone out when Audrey is babbling or being annoying or getting on someones nerves, she says that is a problem. Is it? I feel overloaded. I'm a single parent and Audrey is active nonstop and needs lots of attention. If my relatives are bothered by something Audrey does, instead of talking about me behind my back, saying "She's just let her run wild" why don't they just correct Audrey? What do I need to do? I need advice. I have Audrey in counselling, for the last almost 4 years, I homeschool her (her IQ is about 170 and public school wasn't working to accomadate her needs), I keep her healthy. My mom has this neurotic, uptight mindset, she is easilly stressed out, complains a lot. It feels like poison. I have problems of my own. All of this doesn't help. What's wrong with my mom? What's wrong with me? What do I do?