Hello - I've picked up this question because you have been waiting a while, and perhaps your Expert has some urgent business. First of all, something fun with your husband? Now, I don't know him, and I don't know you, so specific suggestions are hard to make. However - what would you like to do? Tell him. Don't be shy or self effacing about it. What would he like to do? Ask him! Maybe you could play a game of "My turn to choose what we do this weekend, and yours next weekend! Rule nothing in, and rule nothing out, as long as you are both comfortable with what is being suggested. You might for example, write down a few fun things that both of you enjoy on bits of paper, and draw one out of a hat! You say that you feel depressed - now THAT needs to be dealt with.
Part of the problem is that you may be suffering from mixed anxiety and depression - depression is causing you to feel bad, and the other part is that your negative thinking about your life situation is just adding to that.
Both these things can be dealt with by a combination of proper medication and a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.
The first thing you need to do is to see your Doctor – he will give you a full diagnosis and if appropriate, start your on a suitable anti-depressant medication. He will also want to rule out any physical cause of what you is experiencing. You may, or may not be suffering from depression, but it reall is worthwhile getting checked out.
Depression is seen as a chemical imbalance in the brain, just as diabetes is a chemical imbalance in the body. Diabetics take medication to stay well, why shouldn’t you?
Don’t be afraid of taking medication – it could really help turn your whole life around
Two important issues about this - when you is on medication, you must take it at the correct dose and as prescribed. It is no use missing doses or messing around with the dose.
Secondly, you should know that anti-depressants can take up to 8 weeks from the start of therapy before they begin to show beneficial effects, so it's no use quitting after two weeks.
Even if it turns out that you do not have depression, I still think that you would benefit from a course of CBT, simply to help you find out where you are in life, where you want to go, and how to get there.
I mentioned CBT - is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also cause the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.
These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.
If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.
Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.
Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.
Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.
Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:
Make the first step NOW – get an appointment with your Doc, and you can start to get better.
You’ll also find some very good help here: