I'm married to a very controlling perfectionist that has made me feel less than for 15 years. Everytime I talked to him about this in the past he said, "I am who I am and that's not going to change." Basically that's the door if you don't like it. After 15 years and thinking about leaving him numerous times I finally got the nerve up and got an apartment. After pledding from my husband that he is now willing to change I went back home for six weeks to work on a marraige booklet. It didn't take long for the old Mark to come back, although I could tell he was trying a bit. But after 6 weeks it was really the same roles and I felt the same thing I had prior which is that I'm less than...All my friends and family say he can change and I'm confused because getting away from him was so hard and I don't know if he could change enough to make me happy and if I go back I feel like I will be stuck...Can a self absorbed, very selfish, perfectionist with severe intamacy issues turn 180 degrees to a loving attentive husband. I'm afraid that the amount of change I need is to much for any person to do...So my question is how much can a 53 year old male really change?
What he did
do recently is outlined his problems and what he needed to do. He said that he wasn't putting God first and he was putting things, status, and money first and he realizes that now. Do he do that because he beleives it or because he knew that's what I wanted to hear. He said somethings that men need to be hit in the eyes before he got it and leaving a 2nd time made him realize it...Here is my concern, he is a very successful business man and he gets what he he wants to achieve most of the time. I'm concerened me leaving just works at his life not being or having the perfect life...
Here is the things hes doing putting god first and doing daily readings before he starts hes days, although he has never done this before...He's outlined the things he was lacking with me and has idetified my love languages and he did try in the six weeks, but the controlling and feeling less than still came back..He's reading other christian books about being a man and coming out of darkness..Is he doing this because he knows it gets me the God, thing or is it real? Says hes willing to give me my space but wants to go to counseling..I just know he has teeth and I'm afraid I will got locked it.
Here is my concern: When I get away from him my light and happiness come back and when I get around him or in the 15 years I feel like it goes aways..
What are your thoughts as a professional I would really like to know...I want to leave, but if he can change really really really change I want to try and I'm scared I will locked in and then it will really go back...Is it ok for me to want to leave and say, "15 years is enough" or do I need to try..
Trying to find happiness and not hurt others in the process