How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
64783947
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

mMy 19 year old daughter announced she was gay 3 yeas ago.

Resolved Question:

mMy 19 year old daughter announced she was gay 3 yeas ago. She went away to college after graduating from high school as prom queen and calss prsident with hair lenth stopping in the middle of her back. People thought it was a weave. S damaged it with hydrogen peroxide while away at college. She then cut it to about an inch in a masculine style. Last night she shaved her head completely. She has been binding her brests for 3 years. The shaved head was shocking. Is she trying to be a boy. She hs asked for brast reduction which I interpret to mean removal. She has a beautiful soft feminine face and voice
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear about her pain and her struggle.

CoachJenK :

I am also glad to hear of your acceptance and I believe that can make a big difference for her own acceptance as she may be struggling with that and also struggling with her feelings of her body and feeling too feminine.

Customer:

What do you think I should do to help her. Where is she going with this Does she want gender reassignment surgery and hormones What can i do

CoachJenK :

I wouldnt jump to that yet at all. It could just be that she feels a bit more masculine and would like to be that way in her appearance now. In terms of helping her...keep the lines of communication open between the two of you and sit with her and let her know you love her no matter what. She can be free to be who she wants to. And try and get her to open up about the struggles she is having around it. She may be having a hard time accepting it for herself so support from you can go a long way.

CoachJenK :

I might also suggest seeing a therapist so she has a place to talk of it all.

CoachJenK :

would she be open to that?

CoachJenK :

how are you doing with all of it?

Customer:

She has rejected therapy in the past. She is very bright but began performing poorly in high school, that is when i took her to a therapist. SHe was resistant and only did one session.

Customer:

I've told her I love her no matter whateven if she grows horns a tail cloven hooves and tells me she is rosemary's baby!

CoachJenK :

she may have struggled as she was struggling within herself.

CoachJenK :

You are terrific you jsut gave me a big smile. I am so glad she has you.

CoachJenK :

I would suggest therapy again and I would talk to her as often as you can about it and ask her to tell you what she is feeling about it all and what the sadness and struggle is now.

CoachJenK :

I think the tears are coming from so much pent up emotion around this that she needs that outlet.

CoachJenK :

Maybe her being abit older now could help in her willingness to go?

Customer:

She is my child and I love her. I just feel helpless at this point because she seems to be in pain and I can't comfort her, but I will try what you suggest.

CoachJenK :

is she involved in any gay and lesbian organization or events at school where she could feel acepted and free?

CoachJenK :

*accepted

CoachJenK :

and maybe you can come out directly and ask her if she is unhappy in her body and wishes she was a different gender.

Customer:

No and surprisingly she rejects male type gays women and she will make disparaging comments about homosexual men and masculine gay women!

CoachJenK :

ok well she perfers a feminine woman but clearly she is struggling to identify and feeling that she doesn't fit in anywhere and so her isolation is big

CoachJenK :

the disparaging remarks may be an indication of her own internal discomfort about who she is and wishes it wasnt this way for her. She is looking for that place to belong and she needs to arrive at the place of acceptance for herself and find her similar kind within the lesbian community.

Customer:

I did ask her. She says she is a girl and proud of being a girl. Parents asked her if she was going to wear a dress to the prom and she wasoffended by their questions. She told me that of course she was going to where a dress and she wore a Cindy Lauper type toto dress with sweetheart neckline (bound breasts) She and her date wore NIkes. Ok then I need to find a teen lesbian group for her but I don't know how or where except maybe the internet.

CoachJenK :

so it sounds to me then that it is not about her wanting to be a boy but more about struggling with the acceptance of it all.

CoachJenK :

where is she in college as that is usually the best place to find the groups.

Customer:

She went to Philander Smith in Little Rock Arkansas last year but she wants to go to Olive Harvey Junior College in Chicago this year; she graduated from OH Middle College, an alternative high school offering college credits. She feels comfortable there. Her middle college teachers loved her.

CoachJenK :

so she is finding her way. I think you are doing a great job and I would continue talking about all of it with her, encourage therapy or some other groups through school or even locally and yes you can search either in your loacl hospital for those resources or online.

CoachJenK :

if you felt at any point that her sadness was deepening and she was depressed and suicidal then certainly emergency care is warranted.

CoachJenK :

the shaving of the head screams uncomfortability within who she is.

Customer:

Thabk you for the reassuring words because after she shaved her head I felt at a loss; I felt I had failed her and didn't have a clue. It seemed that loving her isn't enough. Yeah, I felt that the shaved head was an extreme rejection of her femininity. She is not suicidal. She feels awesome, beautiful and exudes confidence in every other area of her life. She just is rejecting feminine and embracing the masculine.

CoachJenK :

I can hear how you love her and it is heartwarming and you have not failed her at all and loving her is the best medicine.

CoachJenK :

Keep doing as you are.

Customer:

Thank you.

CoachJenK :

you can come to me anytime for support.

Customer:

K. How do I request you?

CoachJenK :

when you begin a question type for CoachJenK only and it will come to me.

Customer:

K I will Thanks for your suggrstions and reassurances. Will talk to you again.

CoachJenK :

it is my pleasure. I thank you in advance for taking a moment to offer a rating of my work.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education