Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
I am sorry to hear about her pain and her struggle.
I am also glad to hear of your acceptance and I believe that can make a big difference for her own acceptance as she may be struggling with that and also struggling with her feelings of her body and feeling too feminine.
What do you think I should do to help her. Where is she going with this Does she want gender reassignment surgery and hormones What can i do
I wouldnt jump to that yet at all. It could just be that she feels a bit more masculine and would like to be that way in her appearance now. In terms of helping her...keep the lines of communication open between the two of you and sit with her and let her know you love her no matter what. She can be free to be who she wants to. And try and get her to open up about the struggles she is having around it. She may be having a hard time accepting it for herself so support from you can go a long way.
I might also suggest seeing a therapist so she has a place to talk of it all.
would she be open to that?
how are you doing with all of it?
She has rejected therapy in the past. She is very bright but began performing poorly in high school, that is when i took her to a therapist. SHe was resistant and only did one session.
I've told her I love her no matter whateven if she grows horns a tail cloven hooves and tells me she is rosemary's baby!
she may have struggled as she was struggling within herself.
You are terrific you jsut gave me a big smile. I am so glad she has you.
I would suggest therapy again and I would talk to her as often as you can about it and ask her to tell you what she is feeling about it all and what the sadness and struggle is now.
I think the tears are coming from so much pent up emotion around this that she needs that outlet.
Maybe her being abit older now could help in her willingness to go?
She is my child and I love her. I just feel helpless at this point because she seems to be in pain and I can't comfort her, but I will try what you suggest.
is she involved in any gay and lesbian organization or events at school where she could feel acepted and free?
and maybe you can come out directly and ask her if she is unhappy in her body and wishes she was a different gender.
No and surprisingly she rejects male type gays women and she will make disparaging comments about homosexual men and masculine gay women!
ok well she perfers a feminine woman but clearly she is struggling to identify and feeling that she doesn't fit in anywhere and so her isolation is big
the disparaging remarks may be an indication of her own internal discomfort about who she is and wishes it wasnt this way for her. She is looking for that place to belong and she needs to arrive at the place of acceptance for herself and find her similar kind within the lesbian community.
I did ask her. She says she is a girl and proud of being a girl. Parents asked her if she was going to wear a dress to the prom and she wasoffended by their questions. She told me that of course she was going to where a dress and she wore a Cindy Lauper type toto dress with sweetheart neckline (bound breasts) She and her date wore NIkes. Ok then I need to find a teen lesbian group for her but I don't know how or where except maybe the internet.
so it sounds to me then that it is not about her wanting to be a boy but more about struggling with the acceptance of it all.
where is she in college as that is usually the best place to find the groups.
She went to Philander Smith in Little Rock Arkansas last year but she wants to go to Olive Harvey Junior College in Chicago this year; she graduated from OH Middle College, an alternative high school offering college credits. She feels comfortable there. Her middle college teachers loved her.
so she is finding her way. I think you are doing a great job and I would continue talking about all of it with her, encourage therapy or some other groups through school or even locally and yes you can search either in your loacl hospital for those resources or online.
if you felt at any point that her sadness was deepening and she was depressed and suicidal then certainly emergency care is warranted.
the shaving of the head screams uncomfortability within who she is.
Thabk you for the reassuring words because after she shaved her head I felt at a loss; I felt I had failed her and didn't have a clue. It seemed that loving her isn't enough. Yeah, I felt that the shaved head was an extreme rejection of her femininity. She is not suicidal. She feels awesome, beautiful and exudes confidence in every other area of her life. She just is rejecting feminine and embracing the masculine.
I can hear how you love her and it is heartwarming and you have not failed her at all and loving her is the best medicine.
Keep doing as you are.
you can come to me anytime for support.
K. How do I request you?
when you begin a question type for CoachJenK only and it will come to me.
K I will Thanks for your suggrstions and reassurances. Will talk to you again.
it is my pleasure. I thank you in advance for taking a moment to offer a rating of my work.