Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.
I think you have gone above and beyond the call of duty here and I don't hear you overreacting. I hear a lovely young woman who has stepped up to help someone without anything in return.
The Mum called you because she couldn't deal with it but you are not this girls babysitter.
If it were me I would be stepping out of this very unhealthy dynamic and I would focus on you and your life and your boyfriend. you deserve this.
Her issues seem to be quite deep and has a very destructive pattern toward herself and you and many others I am sure.
tell me your thoughts.
hi there, sorry its the first time i have used this chat so i was a bit lost lol
its ok. lol.
its fun and easy.
thankyou for your response. I was worried that i was overreacting because she did invite me out a few times? but like i said i was just an add on at the last minute. in light of this do u think its legitimate that i feel keen to leave this friendship
absolutely. It sounds so horrible and you have done so much. This is not your sister this is a "friend" said lightly, who has hurt you over and over. You are not responsible for her or her mum
I would walk away and never look back. enjoy your life and know you are a great person for trying all this time.
and if you forget that ...come back here to me and I will remind you. :-)
Thanx very much for that! i will take your advice. One more thing, is it normal to feel both anger and feel used by her mother or is this to sensitive of me?. When she called me her mum only informed me about one of this girls falling outs. However, when i entered the relationship i discovered she had numerous falling outs with people, problems at most workplaces she had worked in, she had vandalised one of her ex-bf cars, thrown a rock through a window of her families home and had an issue with the police. The mother failed to tell me this and i feel she down played this girls issues so i would be more inclined to become friends with her.
All of your feelings are normal. It is also common for her Mum to downplay the issues as she was probably struggling with dealing with it all. She sees you as a stable and loving force so she reached out to you for help as she had no idea what else to do, but you have gone above and beyond and you have every right to all of your feelings but the best thing is to heal from those wounds and they are deep and focus on your wonderful life and what a wonderful person you are that you would go to such great lengths for another.
no need to rush here with me....I am here to listen and support.
are you still with me?
thanx for that. yes i am
k thought i lost you
i think she exhibits certain behaviours which suggests she has a personality disorder. She has also been on medication for the past 6 years, seen numerous psychiatrists and counsellors so i think I'm not skilled enough to deal with her
its not about you being skilled...because you sound like a very skilled friend to me but as you say the issues are deeper and more significant and not something any friend can work through.
go easy on yourself here. know that you did so much but this is not healthy for YOU
my focus is on you and your well being
and you deserve that space to be happy with your life and bf and whatever else you have going on.
when i raised the issues i have just told you about she attacked me about a sensitive issue concerning an incident i had with a guy about two years ago. During our friendship I spoke to her about it because i helped her with her problems for such a long time so i thought it would be ok for me to talk to her about an issue. However, during our recent argument she said she was sick of me speaking about it. like i said i did talk about the issue when we hung out from time to time but she would often initiate conversation about it as well. I also saw a counsellor and i hadn't spoken about it in several months. Due to this, the irrelevance of the issue given the context of the conversation and the fact i helped her for such an extended period of time do you think this attack was just to put me down
similar to how she attacked me about my adopted when we were friends many years ago
yes and she has a great way to make you feel bad and question your sense of abilities. This is quite toxic for you and this is not how friendships are. Run don't walk.
you stepped in to be a wonderful friend and now it is time to step out to be a wonderful friend to yourself.
i appreciate that i may have annoyed her with these conversations but that was not my intention, i was pro-active about the issue and sought help and made a conscious effort not to talk about the issue with her as the counsellor i was seeing for advised against talking about the issue with her so i feel so was just looking for anything to attack me about and shift the blame onto me instead of acknowledging her rude actions.
Thanx so much for your help
i just need to check i wasn't overreacting, being paranoid or inconsiderate of her illness
oh please...friends are supposed to be there for one another...she just has a great way of making you feel bad for doing and needing normal things such as processing something even if you needed to talk about it a few times...big deal...that is what girlfriends do.
no you are not. you have been quite considerate not turn that consideration toward you.
it is my pleasure to support you.
come to me anytime.
shall do, thanx so much and have a great evening! x
and you. please take a moment to click on the rating tab
my goal is EXCELLENT.