How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1722
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi - my partner feels it is okay to go on a holiday with his

Resolved Question:

Hi - my partner feels it is okay to go on a holiday with his ex and their child - without me although I would like to go - I feel like I am being made the outsider and if his ex has an issue then they are the one that shouldnt go. His ex keeps insisting on them spending time together to show their child they still get on but I feel maybe it confuses their little girl - shes only two - that she will think mummy and daddy will or are back together - what do you think - am I wrong to feel these things? Elaine
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

HI Elaine. How long are you and your partner together?

Customer:

just six months

CoachJenK :

ok and is there a possibility that he is just taking his time to have you around his child until he knows things are secure there so that the child doesnt get attached or have you already spent time together?

Customer:

yes have known the little girl for over six months now we get on very well I think the world of her and she is quite attached to me - reaches to me if shes upset etc

CoachJenK :

very sweet. Ok then here are my feelings.

CoachJenK :

i think you are entitled to feel as you do and I also believe that it is confusing for the little girl.

Customer:

am really sorry I have to go can you type your answer please and I will sign in again later?

CoachJenK :

mum and Dad can still show her they get on well without having to travel as a family and leave you out of it.

CoachJenK :

yes.

CoachJenK :

I would sit with him in a calm moment between the two of you and let him know how you love him and care for him and his child and desire to go and share this time. of course you respect the boundary that they are the parents but you believe it sends a confusing message to the child. If he isn't able to see that and will not have you go then I believe him going without you will be quite painful, but may have to be something you deal with if he is unwilling to bend here.

CoachJenK :

If they have done this before you knew him then changing that pattern may take some time. Talk with him with love and desire in your heart and see if he can really open up and hear you.

Customer:

hi there - thanks - they werent really doing this before I got together with him as they parted only about 8 months ago. I didnt know if I was just being selfish/insecure/jealous! it feels bad to me when they go anywhere together to be honest - I guess I have the fear he will want to return to being with the family again - although it was his ex that ended it - he says really they were only friends before it ended for a while - not lovers and I do believe this. He says it is me he wants to be with but I get scared and worry I am ruining things by getting upset. Each night he gives her a lift to work and brings his little girl home here so they see each other four days a week anyway - which i feel is plenty of time for her to see them getting on and to exchange any info they need to. His theory is that he will always be friends with his ex and as her friend wishes to spend time together but i wonder if they are still attached really. I feel awful to admit it but I am pleased when he says they arent getting on:( There are spells when he feels very distant to me and he knows he is and says it afterwards but I find that very difficult to deal with - maybe I expect too much from him - hes only 33 and I am 48. thanks

CoachJenK :

hi let me read above

CoachJenK :

well I think since he hasnt given any reason to doubt or mistrust him lets give him some leeway here as the break up is recent as is your time together and he is probably trying to figure out how to make it all work with his child.

CoachJenK :

you are entitled to feel all that you do and you are not nutty for having those feelings. sometimes just talking them out here can help to ease things and i think that having him go on this trip and seeing how things go will be telling for all...assuming you can get through it. They are not together and he is with you and that is what you focus on.

CoachJenK :

what do you think?

CoachJenK :

If you are satisfied with our time together please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating. My goal is excellent. Thanks so very much. Come back to me anytime.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1722
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions