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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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How do I deal with my husbands family who is always calling

Resolved Question:

How do I deal with my husbands family who is always calling or stopping over to our home uninvited? They interrupt "our" family time with my son. I have voiced my concern to my husband but he refuses to say anything to his family. I had words with my mother in law after she left a rude message on our phone. She is always needing to talk to our son. I asked her not to call so much that she is interferring in our lives. She got angry with me and hung up. We have not spoken in over 20 days. I feel my husband needs to talk with his family as I seem to have done enough damage. My family has been told to give us space and they have. In fact they feel hurt because my in laws just stop over all the time and my family waits to be invited. How do I get my husband to see how this is really upsetting me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

What you are experiencing is not all that uncommon.

CoachJenK :

In laws often intrude on boundaries until they are clearly set and unfortunately it doesnt seem like this will come from your husband.

CoachJenK :

It may be where you need to set the ground rules for them

CoachJenK :

if you force your husband to do so then he resents you for it. But if you are clear with how you want things in your home then you must advocate for that and not in anger but from a calm place

CoachJenK :

you are entitled to it.

CoachJenK :

and it may take a face to face discussion with them where you let them know you care for them and want them in your life and sons life too but you desire a call first before stopping by.

CoachJenK :

have you had this kind of calm conversation with them before?

CoachJenK :

are you here with me?

CoachJenK :

I would like to be able to help you. Will you chat with me?

CoachJenK :

how can I support you further?

Customer:

Yes, I am here....

CoachJenK :

How long are you married?

Customer:

I have had a conversations with my in laws, but they just don't listen or they seem to think they can do whatever they want. After 10 years I have had enough and pretty much told my mother in law this on the phone and now she won't speak to me. I have put my husband in a bad spot with his family, I realize this, but I told him this sort of thing would happen. I wasn't rude to her on the phone, but I was more stern with her and she didn't like it. She is used to getting what she wants!

Customer:

We have been together for 10 years married for 7 with a 6 year old son.

CoachJenK :

I think you are entitled to those stern feelings...you are not being heard by your mother in law or husband on this and it can be extremely frustrating.

CoachJenK :

Maybe she needs to not speak to you for some time in order to respect you.

CoachJenK :

maybe it isn't such a bad thing that is happening.

CoachJenK :

In her not speaking to you has she stopped coming over as much?

CoachJenK :

Here is a good book to rely on as well. http://www.amazon.com/Wifes-Guide-In-laws-Husbands-Loyalty/dp/0557025001/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1343057225&sr=8-2&keywords=setting+boundaries+with+in+laws

Customer:

Yes, I think this whole thing needed to happen, it is my fault that I didn't put up boundaries in the very beginning. I just assumed, she would let us live our lives. Yes, she has stopped coming over, but his father in law is still coming. I guess I should have been more specific on the phone! I will wait this out and see what happens....I don't think this is a bad thing at all....thank you for your help and the book sounds exactly what I need!

CoachJenK :

I think now is your opportunity and it could be a blessing in disguise.

CoachJenK :

come to me anytime for more support. I am here and i thank you in advance for your positive rating

Customer:

You are welcome and thank you!

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. You can do this and are entitled to do so

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to click on the rating tab again. it was disabled before.

Customer:

I sure will...thanks again!

CoachJenK :

talk soon.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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