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You are probably already asleep as I write this. I feel sorry for you; you are going through so much with the pregnancy and the job and the stress. It really is too much for anyone not pregnant, let alone all of this on top of it.
You do get slammed at work. The drunks sounded rough and the conversation with the restrained and despondent man had to be difficult to process. You have felt similarly to him in the past and I am sure what he felt and said touched you right where you hurt the most. You too have been abandoned and feel helpless and I am certain that even with all the stuff you have told me that there is lots of missing things, such as the feelings of great emptiness that you have had, and feelings of not wanting to go on due to all the pain. But the key is that even though you have felt this way, you have not quit. You may have wanted to, but you have not and you have grown through all of this. You are making the harder choice to go on.
Dr b may have simply taken your patients because he wanted to, not because of dr a. Dr b may be a doctor, but he does like you...
Kim, that was nice of her to say, but it was a little bit odd, especially in the context of you feeling the way that you do. Not know what to say to her...me either. I guess best practice would be to simply say that was very nice of you Kim and leave it at that. Or just do what you did and say nothing.
Maalox after each shift? Ah, how about having that looked at a bit more dr b? There are medications for that type of anxiety reaction. But dr a goes for the bonding moment? I You handled this well. You let him talk but only in a professional context. Keeping him away from you is a great idea. Steven
Who wouldn't understand about not buying the boy's things at the store. You have to wait until you feel you can. There is too much emotional stuff otherwise and you have to take this all slowly. That is more than understandable.
Kate spoiled? Well, you're her mother...Do you think she is spoiled? After all you buy this stuff for her. lol Anyway, you can't spoil a child with things, only if you do not discipline them or give them limits. That ruins them, not material things.
A new nurse got 11-11? Now that seems grossly unfair and I think is reason to say something. If this is true it is discriminatory in my view. Doesn't the union have rules about shift preference and longevity of employment? I would think with a year in that you would have some choices here. But angry, I get that! This is grossly unfair. I know he will hide behind the FMLA, but a new nurse...that is insulting.
I am sure dr a has some professional wondering about why dr b gets to be friendly with you vs him...but that is good. Let him wonder. What is going on here he says? Ah, a real working relationship, minus the abuse. duh. And Maalox moments. Hey, whatever it takes. If that is what he needs, so be it. Pepcid is my life though. I hate Maalox. It tastes like metal. Of course it has metal compounds in it so I guess my palate is accurate.
Dr a and you: So long as you do your work you don't have to be friendly with him. Sometimes people at work just cannot be trusted and he is one of them. I know you are trying to protect yourself and I do understand why you are so careful with him. You need to be. He is about himself and he really sees people as bodies that serve him and not real people. That, plus the narcissism is a dangerous combination. You are right be to careful.
I didn't think the missing patient would turn out badly. You did all that you could and it was a charting error.
Kim...I am not sure what to make of all that except for the clear psychological loneliness on her part that she feels. She sounds pretty sure she is not going to find anyone, but that is what it is like for many people, and then they find someone. I doubt she has any idea of what it is like to have a child and she sounds more like she is trying to be supportive and kind, combined with a certain naivety about babies. I guess this is flattering, but her emotional needs make this a more sad than supportive thing, at least as I see it. (How come so many people there at this facility have deep emotional issues? It seems rampant. Really, these types of things are supposed to be at tops, 11% of the whole workforce. These folks seem to make that closer to 60%. It must be something in the system there...wow. I feel for you. You can't escape the personal issues of these people. Wow.)
Liz, you are naturally anxious and conditioned by your family to feel guilty about so many things. When someone gets fired at work I can see that you feel sorry for them, but also that you feel worried about your own future.
Realize that this is a reaction from your familial past and your work past. Truth: You don't steal or hurt people or act crazy. You are a good nurse and employee. It may feel like you are on constant eggshells, but they are not going to get rid of you. I see this, but your past may cloud it. But I would not say it if I did not have good reason to see that it is true. You are much more safe here than you know. Steven
I don't think it helps your emotional well -being to be ill and tired. The lack of sleep combined with all the physical symptoms cannot be helping your mental outlook.
I am not sure what to say about Peter. I know the FMLA may have had an impact on the day shift selection, but the blatant unfairness, that he did not even have the guts to tell you, that is what gets to me. I realize you do not want a fight with him, but he is a callous bugger that is for sure. He knows you want this shift for the sake of your family. (If he even remembers this as it has nothing to do with him.) Plus they abandon you to what one of my employees calls Pooh Corner. That is where you work at a place but aside from your butt sticking out of a hole in the wall they do not notice you. In Japan they call this Window Dressing. The person works, but is ignored.
I actually feel ill reading about the Maalox. I can feel it slide down my throat as you write. gag. I hate that stuff. I can even deal with Pepto more than maalox and Pepto is bad enough. But count me in with the Pepcid. Hooray for whoever invented that wonder drug.
Well, I could give you the female biological reason why you will not let the dr a thing go...being that your memory is greatly impacted by the hippocampus, and it is considerably larger than a male's brain, and that your aggression and emotional regulation center is right below that...and it too is larger; So...you feel anger and you do not forget it. Plus, you have the cultural genetics. So. He's doomed. Nuf said.
It scared me that they can let a nurse like you described work and make errors the way she does.What is disgusting is how the patients feel about her. If they are angry and do not know much, what is she really doing wrong, probably a lot worse. But I think Coleen is correct, in that this hospital is like a huge dysfunctional family. The work is hard and treatment of the employees is poor, but the system holds on to its own. It is like being adopted into some sort of sick club. They torture you, but do not let you go, even if you are messing up. So, it is a warped crack house. Jenga has rules. But does this place?
Sometimes a payment of 5k is not that bad of a deal to eliminate a really awful situation. I can think of a million worse ways to spend 5k. Think of it, if you have to choose that option, as a permanent vacation choice. If it was me, and I could get out of this place for that cost...and I could find something better. I might consider it strongly. There are worse things Liz. Don't let that control you. Do what is right for you, not just for a bank account. Your worth 5k. Right? Steven
If you look at what is going on at your place of work, the unfair practice of loading nurses in an unbalanced manner seems par the course. I realize that the charge nurse may have gone to Peter about your complaint, but facts are facts and six patients on your plate, while someone else has three, is not appropriate at all. You would think with all of the technology that we have that a fair and equitable triage system would be in use there. But I guess not. "Fair" seems absent in this place.
And, my suggestion is to use those words, "fair and equitable", in your discussion should it come up, as this situation is neither. I can't see how they could legitimately defend this unfair practice if those words were used
The firing of the nurse seems to be more complex than they were letting on, and it is always dangerous to have an incident occur where any bystander could be implicated . (I control security codes for the main door of our office complex. When there was a theft, even though I had nothing to do with it, I get questioned as I have the ability to alter the entry codes, so I get bystander implication.) Truly your situation here at this place is not the best, XXXXX XXXXX now I do not think you are in any danger of a negative employment action, and that is where I would place my thoughts.
I am sure the baby is fine. You are healthy, and at this point have to see things in a positive light. If you go in the direction of this or that could be wrong...well, it will just mess with your emotional health. A billion things could happen with your job or the pregnancy. But, a trillion, trillion could in a good way as well. I think staying with the positive here has merit. The rest just makes you worry.
I have told you many times that you missed your calling. You have very good insight into people and you hit dr b exactly where he was living in his thoughts. The odd looks and hesitation on his face show that your comments created conflict for him, and that is the essence of true therapy, challenging thoughts and patterns of behavior.
He is giving what is called a meta message to his ex. That is, when we say something but show a reverse in actions. How much worse could he make this for himself? He takes her on vacation. That says I still care about you, but then he expects her to leave him alone and be with her friends. Now, if you wanted to end a relationship would you tale them with you (or near you) on a boat cruise? I wouldn't. I would want them in Maine and me in Hawaii. So, what you said was right on. She is too needy? He is describing himself. And he feels wither guilty or miserable about breaking up with her. I am thinking, unconscious guilt.
He needs to care for people and he attracts those who need that care, but who are also hurtful. That is because he shows too much vulnerability and not enough independence. He is too conciliatory with dr a and others. And, as a result, he collects the needy people, but ones who are harsh too.
He wants someone who seems normal but has an edge? Maybe...but, He needs to get in touch with his independent, confident side and I think the right person will find him. As it is he relies too much on the "hope method" of dating. That is where you hope someone finds you and meets your needs.
He has to meet his own emotional needs first. Anything less will result in a messed up relationship. He does not see that his unmet and unconscious needs are impacting him and allowing him to make these poor and double message choices.
Maybe you should get Dr a's pay too? He seems like he is not doing very well. You nailed him on two cases, ones that he should have caught, right away. And, I can see that your cold shoulder treatment seems to be working. He seems to be more attentive to you. (lucky you) Maybe he is one of these arrogant guys who like women who seem immune to their charms. What's next on his get Liz's attention list? Chocolates? As far as this young woman: I remember my wife with the three little ones at home. She was crazy from the stress. I could easily imagine stress had a part of this young woman's symptoms too.
Have a good night. Steven
It is always amazing for people who have emotional intelligence like you, well; how shallow and basic a lot of conversations seem to be. Worse, many people seem happy to talk about the weather, their due dates, their physical conditions, and little else. Meaningful conversation is rare. That is why when you find someone who can have that type of depth with you that you latch on, and hold tight. Very few people have the kind of emotional intelligence that allows them to talk about things apart from the typical everyday issues of small talk. If you sit alone in the corner with your eyes closed and feel disgusted by all the small talk and meaninglessness around you, welcome to the psychological insight club, less than 4% of the population from what I understand. It is a frustrating and lonely place except for the "clicking" with others who see things as you.
What, you don;t want to talk about gestational diabetes? What is wrong with you anyway???
I think Dr b is picking up on the fact that something is not right with you, but your own cueing and what he may have heard. The typical reaction of most people is to try to support you and praise is something that is rarely rejected. I think he is just trying to be supportive and possibly learn what is really going on, although he may just be trying to assure that you do not get ticked off at him. I get the feeling he need s to be liked and you not liking him would mean a lot of bad things for him. He is insecure.
I have some strong opinions on professional massages and similar and you might not want to hear my thoughts. I know it happens at many hospitals because of the physical nature of the work, but professional boundary crossings are risky. And, you are right. It is better that you did this in more of a public venue than a private one...and I am not sure how he read Dr b's comments. They are probably innocent, but I will say that I have always suspected that he is an opportunist, and although a friend, you can trust him only so far I would think. I would suggest being more careful with this sort of thing. That is just me.
800 a month to clean and organize? That is pretty decent. And his comment about why he is feeding you all the complements is partial BS. His comment of you do not even know how to take a complement is the typical response of someone who wants you to see his behavior as completely altruistic and without any gain. Yet, he is doing this to maintain your favor and the fact that you like him. Again, this is not too big of a deal, but still...he is being manipulative.
Dr a. You fit into his equation in the fact that you are female and females are supposed to like him. Yes, you can get annoyed, but in his world that must pass quickly because he is dr a. You know, the great dr a; harbinger of good looks, healing and admiration of females everywhere. Sigh. He just wants things to go back to his brain's status quo of what should be right. Because you are not he is trying to win back the balance he wants. It is sort of childish and narcissistic, but it fits him.
You are a smart nurse and your memory is fantastic. So, not surprised you know all that PDR stuff. See, even Bully Nurse is impressed. Steven
I would not worry about what to talk about or when. Just be yourself. You're funny; have a quick wit, a good memory and are bright. You tend to be situational rather than topic based in your thoughts. So, what is there really to talk about at an OB's office? The babies? Yeah, I guess, but that only goes so far.
And there are unattractive babies. I have seen this even within my own family. Some children are just gorgeous as children. My oldest was stopped all the time and was asked to model, blah blah. It just depends on the child. But as far as feeling isolated and uncertain about what to talk about: That makes sense to me. You are just not that type of person who small talks or is concerned about who shot who and where. It is not you.
Your inner city nursing experience sounds like fun. Not. What a mess. You could not even go out for food? That is a rough place. I am not sure what to say about places like that. I mean we have stuff like that here but I have always been able to avoid the worst of the worst locations. I have been attacked, threatened, etc, but it was never racial. It was always drugs, specifically drunks who did the worst stuff.
I will say that the two nurses you talked about Keisha and Annmarie, they sound nice. Down to earth nice, not pretentious and arrogant like some of the ones you work with.
So, what is wrong with an old German cleaning woman? That seems like a good match for Dr b. lol It also describes my mother who cleaned schools and private homes for a living. Lots of the older guys thought she was pretty good looking. She even got a marriage proposal from one of them...who was rich, and died a year later. What was my mother thinking by saying no??? I could have my kids' college tuitions paid for by now!
I really am glad you didn't say the BJ thing to dr b. Yeah, I think that might have crossed the line. I feel reserving that was a good thing. But 800 bucks is a lot of money, and you really think he is that desperate that he would marry the cleaning lady? I know he is insecure and stutters, but he does have hospital administrators after him.
You know...I have seen a pattern: Whenever you have been given a complement, by others or even me, you argue it as insignificant or wrong. What is that about? (I think I could tell you but you telling me would be better.)
Dr b will remain your friend. He needs a female friend and you are like a family member to him. I think you could be out a long time on leave and still find that he adopts you back very quickly.
Yes, your hospital seems turbulent and the decisions of management seen almost arbitrary. Seniority and experience appear to be ignored and I have no doubt that trouble brews there everyday. The accountability seems so messed up there. It is like the place runs by spin the roulette wheel management. Oh, today we will try this crazy choice... No wonder there are problems; and, the theme of records and private information keeps coming up as a problem. What is going on with privacy in that place?
Stay uninvolved as much as you can there and do bring Kate. If you see Peter so much the better. Most of the docs and management there seem to see people as things. The more they see you as Liz the person with children the better off you are. Plus Kate is really cute and you can get some mileage with that. I sure would. Steven
I just wrote this huge post and the whole thing erased. Tell you what . I will give you bullet point highlights as information only, so you do not get an accept button. Then you can start a new question if you wish. I can't believe it. It was really long too!
The stress of getting to the doctor's office and the all day effort and exertion didn't sound too fun, and the fighting with Rob about streets, that had to be hard too. I hate to laugh at anything you write that isn't a joke, but that cross streets conversation sounds like something I would experience too with my wife.
But hey: Good news...the baby is okay and although there is fluid around the kidney still it doesn't sound like anything is wrong. And that has to be encouraging!
Jenn says that dr B's girlfriend or ex or whatever looks like you? But You say she is just some blonde in a club dress. Now someone is nor perceiving this correctly. But at least your girlfriend gave you a very indirect complement...cause the woman is really good looking.
I think you and Dr b would make an excellent team and you would manage the place well. He could easily make a lot of money doing what he is talking about and it certainly would be less stressful than the nightmare of work you are now in. That is food for thought, for certain.
Wow, you do pay a lot in school and property tax. I am not sure why I picture your house as this big brick home, but I know it is a wood frame. And, do you ever look around your neighborhood and ask yourself what you are doing wrong? I do. I think it must be that other people's families help them out. Yours do not, but then again, all that you have is yours and no one can make claim that you got anything except by your own merit. Steven