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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: I know I am trying to think instead of feel. But I feel

Customer Question

Kate: I know I am trying to think instead of feel. But I feel bad, so I am trying to figure out the key to feeling better - the thing I need to do to break through this for it to be over for good. But I can figure it out because none of it makes sense to me and things seem to be so subjective and unpredictable.

So, what are you saying? To just feel whatever it is - even if I don't know what it is or why? To keep it pushed down at work, but otherwise, cry whenever I feel like it? Will the reasons for the feelings and recognition of the feelings come? Do. I talk to Linda about this, or just go and cry and tell her I can't answer her questions righ now and I will talk when I can?

I will need to stay away from people kind of, because I can't break down in front of people. I am already worried about that. I don't want that kind of attention. I will make me feel worse.

I've been tryin to plan things that might make me feel better. I was supposed to go to a concert today - a tribute to my drum teacher. But I just am too tired. But I am going to a concert Tuesday - to see Barenaked Ladies, Blues Traveler, and 2 other bands. I saw BT in college and I would Go see them any time. I have her seen BNL and I have always wanted to, so it will be a neat thing to do. I put one of my drum sets upstairs (the electronic set) and Friday, p played bass and piano and s (her brother) played guitar, and I played drums. We just played a bu ch of random stuff and it was fun. S's wife, T, can sing w/ us when she gets back to town, and yesterday I bought a headset mic so I can sing while I play. I have fun doing that, and it takes my mind off things, so hopefully we can do it more. Tomorrow, p and s and our regular drummer are coming over to practice the song we're doing Sunday. C is playing electric guitar on it, but he is out of town. I'm just singing it.

So I'm trying. I'm not trying to wallow in it. But as soon as I'm not totally distracted, it comes back.

I guess I need to talk to Linda. I feel like all along, it's taken me hearing over and over from you and her and dr m that this is normal and it's okay that I'm not "over it" yet, but I am getting the impression that we've passed some point where Linda I thinking "okay. Now this is kind of getting ridiculous.". Ply I just sense this is t normal. It is hard to accept that not only does thi really bother me (and I'm sure has all this time, although I refused to admit it), I am apparently VERY sensitive. But I will take your advice and try not to over think it. It is what it is anyway.

But I do want to say that I disagree with one thing you said. My seeking help or working on this doesn't make me "win," and this is affecting me more now than it ever has. I will win if I get through all this and can see the good in it and feel like I'm " myself," whoever that is supposed to be, and not living in reaction to what happened. I'm not even close to that. And let's face it - at least the mean one got exactly what he wanted with no consequences. That is pretty much a success for him, wouldn't you say?

So, should I still talk to Linda about maybe stopping therapy for a while? Deciding that may make me over think. ?? If I "go with the flow," as you said, I guess I can just decide week-to-week whether to go once or twice or not at all. She would be okay with that, I think, since I'm usually the last of the day.

What of I just let my feelings flow freely and they get more painful? What if I get into a deep rut? I know you say feelings can't hurt me, but feelings DO hurt. You say I can't lose control, but it can make me feel out of control, and that is not comfortable.

Okay. I will try what you said. Thank you, Kate.

Btw, veryobe' other plan with A and C didn't work (shocking - although it didales some progress with c's mom). But botXXXXX XXXXXne is nobody reported it to the right people, and I told them if that happened, I had to do it. It's been way too long already. I was able to get everyone to go ahead and write out what they witnessed. I'm calling tomorrow morning, and everyone is on board, so .... Pray that they do something.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Shay,

It is easy to focus on the whys of how you feel. You want to know the reasons behind the intense emotions. But thinking about it so much only hinders your ability to express how you feel. I understand that you feel that you might lose control. The feelings can be overwhelming. But no one I have ever worked with has ever lost control. Nor have I heard of anyone in therapy losing control. Feelings can make you feel that way because they are overwhelming. But you will be in control when you have them.

It could be that your efforts to understand what you feel intellectually are causing you to feel as you do. Analyzing your feelings is a form of control. And the more you try to analyze your feelings, the more out of control they can feel. Feelings are subjective and therefore do not fit into any logic. But the more you try to fit it in, the more frustrated and upset you can become.

Accepting that feelings do not fit any logical reasoning can help them become less overwhelming. It's like holding your hand over a gushing fountain. The more you try, the more the pressure builds up. When the water is flowing everywhere, it makes sense to try to stop it. But sometimes it just needs to flow until it runs out, until the well is empty. Seeing the gushing water can make you feel out of control and upset. But you will find that if you just sit back and accept that it needs to run it's course, nothing bad will happen and it will eventually stop.

You are not overly sensitive. You are just trying to control the feelings intellectually and that is what is keeping you from experiencing your emotions. It is a normal situation. You are not abnormal because of it. Yes, feelings do hurt. But they won't become so painful that you cannot function. You may feel like you are having trouble functioning, but you will be able to keep going.

Talk to Linda about how you feel. Tell her that you don't know what to do. Talk to her about how you feel afraid of the feelings. And ask her about how you can experience the emotions without feeling like you are losing control. And if after that you still feel you need a break, then let her know that you want to take it week by week to see how it goes. I think she will understand.

Have fun at your concert! Sounds like it will be a good time.

I will pray that all works out with A. Let me know how it turns out. You are doing a good thing, Shay :)

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5559
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Okay. Thanks. :)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You're welcome! Let me know how things go for you.

Kate

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Mental Health Professional
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.