My adopted daughter abused me physically and emotionally for the past 5 years. She is 18 and has moved in with a friends family who has guided her to a path of loathing her family and feeds into her narcassistic tendencies. I am her mom and love unconditionally and am trying to release the pain she inflicted and the power she has over me. She will not communicate with me at all, she has been my daughter for 15 years and does not respect her family and has just moved on with this family. At times it drains me emotionally and physically. Is there any help for a broken mom?
Person's Gender: Female
Person's Age: 56
Yoga, meditation, spiritual healings, reiki and message.
Welcome to Just answer !
Well, i am really sorry to know about the current turn of events , it is really a shame that your daughter has chosen soem distant others over the unconditional love and affection of a mother like yours who has invested 15 long years of her life in rearing her up and providing all the happiness that you could possibly get your hands on.
I empathize with as you must have been pained so gravely that words are not enough to describe and feel what you are going through.
One can only assume the depth of hurt that you have been carrying in your heart .
Having said that , i completely condemn your daughtwer's abusive behaviour and i strongly believe that it about time for her to get a hands on experience of how hard can this big bad world be to the likes of hers who are ignorant as they get lured into overlooking and undermining true love of a mother for some make belief freedom set out by some detractors and so called friends who calin to be her wellwishers..
I think your pain may be too much to handle but it is about time for you to overcome your pain and begin to enjoy your life as an individual. I do not say that you turn your back against your daughter , by all means you shall tell her that your doors are always open for her but also make it a point to deliver a strong message across to her that from now on she should never ever cross the line and think of abusing you emotionally or physically as you have had enough and form now you will not tolerate any kind of nonsense.
I know you may think that this kind of attitude may push her away even more, but anyways she has chosen to dislodge you from her life ,so what more can you loose from here and believe me soon in a few days to weeks when the friends family will start showing their true colors and start treating as a burden upon themselves then she will have only you to come to , and then you can take her back but with a srict warning to give you respect which you deserve as you have had enough of her histrionics.
You see , perhaps somewhere in the past you have probably let her slip away from your hands by choosing to usher almost everything that she ever wanted and this possibly made her rebellious , sometimes as a paradox too much of love also can make a person drive away simply due to the feeling of get smothered with too mcubh to love and affection , yes this happens ,and it may be the case here.
I do not think that you need to find faults in your rearing system / manner , that may you got it wrong there in bringing her up this way or that way , i think what you should think about is to redeem your self confidence , dignity and assertativeness and for once try to think of self without feeling ashamed.
If alone this is too much to handle and to change your thinking about this , i will suggest that you consult a clinical psychlogist ad get started on CBT , that is Cognitive behaviour therapy , which is a type of counseling therapy that will help you to come to terms and accept your present situation better and to give you an insight into how and what changes you msut bring about in your thinking and actions so as to manage your stress and to be able to endure any future such stressful sitautions better than this time.
Also, i will suggest for later , once your daughter returns to you , to take her to a clinical psychologist and seek Family therapy for yourself and her together so as to work on your relationship and make it more condusive for a better harmonious future together where there is respect , love , trust and affection for each other and that too unconditionally.
I hope this helps.
Wish you all the best..
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Thank you for your expertise. I am tring to forgive myself for allowing myself to be abused and the effects it had on my family. Thank you, Elizabeth
You are welcome.