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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1722
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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My husband and I have been to counseling, it seemed to help

Resolved Question:

My husband and I have been to counseling, it seemed to help at the time but now 6 months after we are done Im not so sure. I dont think I love my husband in a way that he should be loved. I love him as a person but other than that I get really angry at him and want to hit him when he makes me mad. (several times a day). I long for the days when I was single and life seemed easier and I seemed happy. I dont want to leave him but I dont feel like I'm in this marriage. I cant have both but I dont want either.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

That is a tough space to be in....you don't love him in the way you want or he deserves but you don't want to leave? Why don't you want to leave? what is better or easier about staying?

CoachJenK :

what was the goal when you were in counseling together?

Customer:

I have 3 children. 2 from a prior marriage and a 3rd much younger from this marriage. I dont want to put my kids through crap again but then I wonder if what they are going through is crap. They are not happy most of the time either. We do a lot of fighting in my house. His parents have just moved from 13 hours away to be closer to us - how coudl i walk our now?

Customer:

in counseling the goal was to not divorce - i think

CoachJenK :

you must be under so much pressure...I am sorry for that.

CoachJenK :

And I am sorry that in a way you feel trapped, but it may not be the best for all to stay together

Customer:

i just woke up one day and said "we need counseling b.c if you walked out now i would really care less". He didnt think things were as bad as they were but he soon realized he had issues with me too. he said he would try harder at the family aspect of it at the spiritual aspect of being a family together but he always lets me down.

Customer:

Im tired. I am the director of case management at a law firm - extremely stressful and then my oldest son has aspergers and my husband doesnt know how to respond to him and my youngest daughter makes me feel like im raising a raging lunatic. i want to be sure im not making wrong decisions for wrong reasons. i dont want to act hastily. ik now he loves me but i just dont have anything anymore.

CoachJenK :

I understand it and i hear how tired you are...it is exhausting and you are handling so much.

CoachJenK :

you are correct about a hasty decision. Would it be possible that you do some individual counseling so you can figure out what you really feel, need and want?

CoachJenK :

it may be the better way to go so you have a space that is just for YOU

Customer:

I can do that.

CoachJenK :

wouldnt it be relieving that each week you can just let your hair down and breathe, and scream and cry or whatever else you need to do that is all yours and the focus only has to be on you!?

Customer:

yeah put that way. someone that actually listens and possibly cares...

CoachJenK :

yes that is what you totally need and deserve.

CoachJenK :

not about decision but just about letting it all out and seeing how it plays out for you

Customer:

so its totally not normal to feel like you just get by and just survive one day to the next? i just dont want to be someone that hides or that makes things worse

Customer:

Is there goal oriented counseling?

CoachJenK :

its not about what is normal or isn't...it is about your overwhelm and your feelings and needing a place that is just yours.

CoachJenK :

Yes you can make your therapy goal directed...you are in charge of your care and so you get to advocate for that. You may also do well with a life-relationship coach as that will be very goal directed and less about the feelings and deep stuff.

Customer:

that makes sense. its not about how other people respond or feel its about how i am and how i feel.

CoachJenK :

that is exactly right and when you give tirelessly like you have been giving at home and at work...guess who has gotten lost in it all....YOU

CoachJenK :

Now its time for you and only you.

CoachJenK :

and divorce may not where you arrive, but you may feel refreshed and renewed.

CoachJenK :

where are you located?

Customer:

how do you find a life-relationship coach? Parkersburg WV

CoachJenK :

there are many great coached and I will give you a link in a moment

Customer:

I think it would be refreshing to have someone that i can be totally honest with that wont judge me. I dont think any one person knows all ther eis to know when it comes to me. and after an entire bottle of wine last night i realize i cant live my nights like that.

Customer:

i really appreciate your help just pointing me in a direction feels better

CoachJenK :

http://www.coachfederation.org/clients/crs/

CoachJenK :

it is my pleasure to help you and you have no judgments here with me.

Customer:

Thank you. I am going to check this link out.

CoachJenK :

and I am glad you have reached out...shows me you really want to feel better and whether that is here with me tonight, a therapist on your own or a coach...that is a wonderful beginning

CoachJenK :

do you have a possibility for a therapist in your area?

Customer:

there is someone i had looked into - XXXXX XXXXX

Customer:

patrickwardphd.com

CoachJenK :

ok if you need another name just pass along your zip code and i can do a quick search too.

Customer:

26105

CoachJenK :

ok lemme look

Customer:

i just wnat to be sure who i reach out to is someone that i can really connect with b/c otherwise i feel like it would be futile to try.

CoachJenK :

I agree and you will know whether a connection exists or not.

Customer:

Ok so if i want to be able to talk with you again? this website just sent me to you..

CoachJenK :

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=42567&sid=1342915922.1972_19901&zipcode=26105&zipdist=75

CoachJenK :

Thats a woman.

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

Yes when you post a question it is open for any of us to take and i was lucky enough to get your question....

Customer:

well thanks :)

CoachJenK :

in the future if you want me you put for CoachJenK only at the beginning and it will come to me.

Customer:

oh ok, i see

CoachJenK :

coachbelinda.com check her out too.

CoachJenK :

not sure if she is still taking on clients but the best of the best...her work is by phone. and very goal directed. If not she can give you someone else.

Customer:

ok. i will take a look.

CoachJenK :

tell her CoachJenK sent you.

CoachJenK :

the most important thing in addition to all of these referrals is that you are important

CoachJenK :

and deserve a place that is just for you to work it all out

Customer:

i really feel like you have given my idle hands and mind something to do to sort this entire situation out which i needed. I was at a point i didnt know where to turn and i felt like this was the worst of the worst. thank you for making me feel important.

Customer:

i will look at everything you have given me and with luck you will only hear from me to say "thanks" again :)

CoachJenK :

I am so happy for that. You are important and all of us moms seem to get lost in the shuffle some time and it is crucial that we step from behind the shadows and advocate for our needs too.

CoachJenK :

my pleasure. Please take a moment to offer a rating on the rating tab. My goal is EXCELLENT

Customer:

will do.

CoachJenK :

wishing you the best and i am here any time you need.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1722
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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