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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2933
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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i met my girlfriend now fiance when she was 3 months from being

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i met my girlfriend now fiance when she was 3 months from being 17. The second time we hung out we were intimate, at the time we were just friends and neither of us new that it would escalate into a relationship. The first month or so we would have sex but there was nothing serious between the 2 of us so one night we got to casually talking and she told me that she had been with 6 guys prior to me and this struck me as odd but i didnt put much thought into it because we were only "hooking up". She said that she lost her virginity when she was 12 to a 13 year old kid and after that she started dating when she was 14. She dated 3 guys from 14-16.5 and had 2 hook ups. We recently got engaged after dating for 3 years and this has been bothering me ever since i saw her as someone i could marry. She is now 19 and in college and a phenomenal person.She is sweet, caring, loving, and trusting and to talk to her you would never know that she had that kind of past. Im 25 and have been with 3 times her number of partners and i know it makes me sound like a hypocrite but it still bothers me. I want to be able to except who for who she is free of judgement. A side note... When she was 15 her mother and father seperated and she was forced to live with her father whom was deaf and she had no responsibilty what so ever, she told me she ran with older girls and guys and drank and never had to really answer to anyone and i figure this played a large part in her upbringing. I just want to be able to get these thoughts out of my mind because it bugs me everyday, i want to be able to lover her free from judgement.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

Hi. It is not uncommon what you are experiencing. It can be tough to know that we all come with a past and a history, but we all do.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

I know it is hard but the botXXXXX XXXXXne is she has chosen you and not those other guys and they are in the past and nothing more.

Customer:

yes mam i understand that but this has really been bothering me for a couple of months now and i just wish i knew how to deal it better, so im not obsessing about it and can go on with my relationship


 

CoachJenK :

Look at all of the other wonderful qualities you have said about her and that is what you can focus on rather than on the other stuff.

CoachJenK :

I truly understand it.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

It will take a lot of self talk on your part to focus on something other than that and a bit of practice that each time those thoughts come in that you replace them with the throughts of her being wonderful.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

tell me what about it distresses you so..maybe if you can release that it will have less power.

Customer:

ive been trying to do that and it has been helping. Something else is that if she were 18 and she told me that she has had that number of partnters i wouldnt feel so bad but at times i feel sorry for her for no one teaching her any better


 

Customer:
CoachJenK :

ah I see and that makes sense because you feel it was young to be active sexually. I understand that. and here is an additional interpretation.

CoachJenK :

She most likely was feeling a lack of love and care from her family and her father and looked for it where she could find it...which again can be common.

CoachJenK :

I also hear empathy on your part that it was that way for her and maybe those feelings can turn more into the empathy and understanding of why and in doing so it may be less painful for you.

Customer:

Right..im hoping so because this girl is sweet and beautiful, even when we first met i could tell that she was innocent and was kind of looking for acceptance.. i guess what i feel is that she has been some how used and that just bothers me

CoachJenK :

yes i completely understand it. You have a big heart. Would you be open to listening to some self-hypnosis cd's? It can be very helpful to calm you and give you some inner peace around this when these thoughts come up.

CoachJenK :

and also as a man it taps into your protective side and wanting to protect her then....but you get to do that now and you get to care for her and give all the love you can.

Customer:
Customer:

if you think it would be worth a shot i would try it..Yea it just hurts that it happened to such an exceptional girl.


 

CoachJenK :

Of course it does and now get to care for her forever. There is a wonderful cd on focusing on the here and now which could be so helpful when those thoughts of her past come into play. Here is the link.http://www.stevegjones.com/appreciatingthehereandnowwithhypnosis.htm

Customer:
Customer:

ok ill go check it out.


 

CoachJenK :

and another one on inner peace. http://www.stevegjones.com/innerpeaceformenhypnosiscdmp3.htm

CoachJenK :

this gusy work is wonderful and you listen at night before sleep and you will love it.

CoachJenK :

you can buy the gold you dont need to buy his platinum program.

Customer:
Customer:

ok i gotcha


 

CoachJenK :

Can I support you in any other way?

Customer:

na you have helped some. I know i need to focus on the here and now and i know that at the age she was that the sex really didnt have much meaning other than simply pleasure. And i like that you said i get to take care of her forever :)

CoachJenK :

exactly all around. You sound like a wonderful gentleman and the two of you will do great with all of that love in your heart.

Customer:

Thank ya mam.. i hope your right

CoachJenK :

I believe I am. :-)

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work. My goal is EXCELLENT. It has been a pleasure come back anytime.

Customer:
Customer:

thank you


 

Customer:
CoachJenK :

my pleasure.

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