How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
64783947
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i met my girlfriend now fiance when she was 3 months from being

Resolved Question:

i met my girlfriend now fiance when she was 3 months from being 17. The second time we hung out we were intimate, at the time we were just friends and neither of us new that it would escalate into a relationship. The first month or so we would have sex but there was nothing serious between the 2 of us so one night we got to casually talking and she told me that she had been with 6 guys prior to me and this struck me as odd but i didnt put much thought into it because we were only "hooking up". She said that she lost her virginity when she was 12 to a 13 year old kid and after that she started dating when she was 14. She dated 3 guys from 14-16.5 and had 2 hook ups. We recently got engaged after dating for 3 years and this has been bothering me ever since i saw her as someone i could marry. She is now 19 and in college and a phenomenal person.She is sweet, caring, loving, and trusting and to talk to her you would never know that she had that kind of past. Im 25 and have been with 3 times her number of partners and i know it makes me sound like a hypocrite but it still bothers me. I want to be able to except who for who she is free of judgement. A side note... When she was 15 her mother and father seperated and she was forced to live with her father whom was deaf and she had no responsibilty what so ever, she told me she ran with older girls and guys and drank and never had to really answer to anyone and i figure this played a large part in her upbringing. I just want to be able to get these thoughts out of my mind because it bugs me everyday, i want to be able to lover her free from judgement.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

Hi. It is not uncommon what you are experiencing. It can be tough to know that we all come with a past and a history, but we all do.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

I know it is hard but the botXXXXX XXXXXne is she has chosen you and not those other guys and they are in the past and nothing more.

Customer:

yes mam i understand that but this has really been bothering me for a couple of months now and i just wish i knew how to deal it better, so im not obsessing about it and can go on with my relationship


 

CoachJenK :

Look at all of the other wonderful qualities you have said about her and that is what you can focus on rather than on the other stuff.

CoachJenK :

I truly understand it.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

It will take a lot of self talk on your part to focus on something other than that and a bit of practice that each time those thoughts come in that you replace them with the throughts of her being wonderful.

Customer:
CoachJenK :

tell me what about it distresses you so..maybe if you can release that it will have less power.

Customer:

ive been trying to do that and it has been helping. Something else is that if she were 18 and she told me that she has had that number of partnters i wouldnt feel so bad but at times i feel sorry for her for no one teaching her any better


 

Customer:
CoachJenK :

ah I see and that makes sense because you feel it was young to be active sexually. I understand that. and here is an additional interpretation.

CoachJenK :

She most likely was feeling a lack of love and care from her family and her father and looked for it where she could find it...which again can be common.

CoachJenK :

I also hear empathy on your part that it was that way for her and maybe those feelings can turn more into the empathy and understanding of why and in doing so it may be less painful for you.

Customer:

Right..im hoping so because this girl is sweet and beautiful, even when we first met i could tell that she was innocent and was kind of looking for acceptance.. i guess what i feel is that she has been some how used and that just bothers me

CoachJenK :

yes i completely understand it. You have a big heart. Would you be open to listening to some self-hypnosis cd's? It can be very helpful to calm you and give you some inner peace around this when these thoughts come up.

CoachJenK :

and also as a man it taps into your protective side and wanting to protect her then....but you get to do that now and you get to care for her and give all the love you can.

Customer:
Customer:

if you think it would be worth a shot i would try it..Yea it just hurts that it happened to such an exceptional girl.


 

CoachJenK :

Of course it does and now get to care for her forever. There is a wonderful cd on focusing on the here and now which could be so helpful when those thoughts of her past come into play. Here is the link.http://www.stevegjones.com/appreciatingthehereandnowwithhypnosis.htm

Customer:
Customer:

ok ill go check it out.


 

CoachJenK :

and another one on inner peace. http://www.stevegjones.com/innerpeaceformenhypnosiscdmp3.htm

CoachJenK :

this gusy work is wonderful and you listen at night before sleep and you will love it.

CoachJenK :

you can buy the gold you dont need to buy his platinum program.

Customer:
Customer:

ok i gotcha


 

CoachJenK :

Can I support you in any other way?

Customer:

na you have helped some. I know i need to focus on the here and now and i know that at the age she was that the sex really didnt have much meaning other than simply pleasure. And i like that you said i get to take care of her forever :)

CoachJenK :

exactly all around. You sound like a wonderful gentleman and the two of you will do great with all of that love in your heart.

Customer:

Thank ya mam.. i hope your right

CoachJenK :

I believe I am. :-)

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to click on the rating tab to offer a rating of my work. My goal is EXCELLENT. It has been a pleasure come back anytime.

Customer:
Customer:

thank you


 

Customer:
CoachJenK :

my pleasure.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education