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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3203
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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About six weeks ago, after talking to my son, I told my 80

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About six weeks ago, after talking to my son, I told my 80 y/o parents that he was gay. Their response was not at all what I expected-they really didn't seem to care and said they still loved him, etc. Two weeks after that all my children (25, 23, 19 y/o) were at the house, and just during the course of a friendly conversation, my daughter told them she was dating an African-American man. (We are white.) After that, everything changed. My mother did not want him at the 4th of July celebration the next day because she needed to "process" the info. I called her and told her how hurtful that was and that she put me in the position of having to lie to both my daughter and her boyfriend. She told me she was upset that my sister's knew all the info. before she did. Or so she said. Days later she called me and was all sweetness and light; then turned back into a witch when I talked to her again a few days later. Also, my sister told me in an e-mail that my parents think I call too much and I needed to cut back. I NEVER know what kind of mood she'll be in when I call. Right now I am still hurt and can't talk to her. I'm bipolar and I think my family believes that is responsible for my assertive behavior. Is there anything else I can say to her (I believe she owes me an apology) or should I just let it go? Sorry so long!

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear of your struggle. Parents at 80 years old are unlikely to change in the way you hope for. I am not saying you dont express your feelings, but maybe more about not expecting too much in the way of change.

CoachJenK :

If her moods are unpredictable then she may be suffering as well.

CoachJenK :

I see you are offline but look forward to chatting when you are back online.

Customer:

She's not suffering; her moods are always unpredictable. The question remains:Do I contact her or wait for her to call? I still have a lot of resentment.

CoachJenK :

Well if you contact her do you believe she can hear you? And what I mean about suffering was in terms of being bipolar as well?

CoachJenK :

I truly understand your feelings and you have every right to feel what you feel, I am just not sure I hear an ability on her part to hear you so it comes down to you deciding what works for you.

CoachJenK :

The other stuff about you calling to much doesnt make much sense but if you believe she does feel that then maybe pull back and let her reach out to you.

CoachJenK :

and you sound terrific with lots of love and acceptance for your children.

Customer:

OK. good advice. thank you!

CoachJenK :

it is my pleasure. can i support you in any other way?

Customer:

Not right now, but I may be back! :)

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