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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like your boyfriend may have some trust issues. If you feel he is testing you and leaving his phone on purpose to see if you look at it, then he is putting his trust feelings onto you. If there has not been any reason for him to mistrust you, such as you lying to him or cheating, then his issues are probably from his past.
People who do not trust are usually hurt either by parents who abuse them or he was hurt by someone else he was in a relationship with.
By continuing to argue with you and test you, he is undermining your relationship. You might want to talk with him about why he doesn't feel he can trust you. And if the issue continues, you might want to suggest he see a counselor. This issue may be beyond what you can help him with or that he can fix himself.
I hope this has helped you,Kate
I think I am the one who doesn't trust him... could it be he is trying to pick a fight to end this... if I said or questioned him he would tell me I am the one who doesn't trust him... why do I feel so uncomfortable....and why does he say he works on things and that he cant give me the attention i ask for which to him seems like all the time. I ca't get him to understand what i mean... i guess he isn't ready to listen to me
I agree, trusting him can be a big issue with how he is treating you. It is hard to tell what his motivation is with this. But if your needs are not being met, that is a sign that there is something wrong.Telling you that you are wrong and not meeting your needs may mean he is putting himself first. And that makes your relationship difficult because couples are supposed to put the other person first.
It sounds like he has a lot of rules for you and your behavior. Although his music may be important, you should still come first. It sounds like that is not what he is doing though. If he is not willing to talk to a therapist about his expectations in a relationship or even to work on this with you and see that he might be part of the problem, then you will need to decide if you want to stay in the relationship. You don't want to keep getting hurt by someone who puts themselves first.
It does sound like a good option if he will not put you first or meet your needs in the relationship.