Hi there! I hope to be of some assistance to you this morning! I can hear your frustration, but know that there is an answer. It will require some restructuring of your old patterns of reaction, but it can be done!! Let me ask; has he been screened for any attention-deficit type of issue by the pediatrician?
When I spoke to the individuals for the Early Intervention they said they felt it was "too early" and that he was "too young" to really determine. When I talked to the pediatrician about my concerns he referred me for counseling, but we currently have no health insurance.
First, I want to recommend a book that I recommend to all parents I work with on this issue: http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Positive-Parenting-Wonderful/dp/1567131751
Actually, to clarify, our children have health insurance but we do not.
Ok... so what we have here is an issue with teaching him to learn how to control his impulses and second, to help you learn some new techniques for managing behavior. I commend you for reaching out. Your gut instinct about spanking is right on the money; spanking is just adult temper-tantrums, in a way. You have trouble controlling your own impulse to get control of him, so you resort to force... and yes, many many people just do what was done to them, whether it is right or wrong! So, feel good that you are looking for another alternative!!
I tell families all the time that when we hit our kids, it teaches them that hitting is ok, and a viable option to use when you are angry... just fyi... so we want to stop this so that he learns that it is never ok to hit, at pre-school, etc...
I feel like he is heading down a terribly difficult path if I can't help teach him how to follow instructions, listen and help him not frustrate the adults who work with him. He is now hitting his older sister and me, it has already begun. :(
What you want to do is to use discipline to TEACH, not shame. So, when he misbehaves, he is telling you that there is something he needs to learn. Kids misbehave for two reasons: to gain something, or to avoid something. So when he acts up, ask yourself what he is trying to get, or get out of. Then it is your job to help him either follow through or you have to enforce a consequence. Consequences should always be directly related to the situation at hand, if they are necessary.
Give me an example of something he misbehaves in regards XXXXX XXXXX I will walk you through it.
He is hungry. He immediately goes to the pantry, opens it up and grabs what he wants to eat. Pudding, chips, nuts (nothing is terrible in the pantry) so I tell him I am making dinner. He will run away from me with the snack. I will tell him to come back and not chase him. He will either not come back and eat it, or I have to go follow him a physically remove it from his hands and he flips out. So now, I try to make meals before I know he will get hungry...but it is always planning to avoid a problem.
I am going to switch our conversation to the Q & A format as opposed to chat, so that you can reply when you can and I can do the same, as I may be interrupted as we chat and I don't want the window to freeze up... just keep typing your replies in the box as it appears and we will work this through!! OK?