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I read this carefully. The situation here is not as bad as you might think. I believe there are two issues going on here, maybe three.
First off: Peter: The man does not care, one way or another, about how this turns out with nursing personnel; you included. That isn't terrible (just pathetic), as he clearly is not involved with people, only things and how things are running. You fill a role for him, a shift. So long as you are in it, or he knows what to fill in that slot, he's happy. He does not care if you were out ill, or on vacation or dead. He just wants to know if he needs to fill slot with a body and if the paperwork is okay.
You being pregnant is just a fact to him, and an unimportant one for him at that. As long as you show up to work, or he knows to cover for you, and don't cause him to look badly, no problem.
Dr A and Peter. I can tell that Peter really is not invested in what happened to you and Dr a. I know his (Peter's) type, and he is just talking. I doubt he ever heard anything or much of anything about you. If he did, it was minor. He just wants to look informed, and this is a half-hearted way to make it look like he pays any attention to the interactions of the people he manages.
Again, he does not care about people, only the running of the unit. I would not go into whether or not Peter is hearing stuff about you from Dr A. I doubt it; really, really doubt it. He may have heard Dr A grumbling, and he (dr A) is in full blown melt down from his own stress, and he is displacing it all onto you. Last night was just a sample of how he does not handle things well. He was wrong, and I was grateful that another person stuck up for you. I am telling you he will eventually cross the line with you or someone else and explode. Then he will get in trouble. Just wait for it. He is a bomb waiting to go off. If this was not you, it would be someone else.
Your dad is right about his whole thing. Ignore this as a part of dealing with the goofballs at work. This dr A and Peter stuff is meaningless to them. Dr a will see this series of events only as his personal right...to yell at a nurse because he is a doctor. He doesn't care about facts, only his own power. (...Starting to really see why his wife hates him? He is an abuser. This is also why she wanted his license. She hates him for this trait. He's mean, and corrosive to others.)
Just act professional with him. Distant, but professional, and bide your time. He will explode, if not on you, someone else. This is no fun, but he is acting in great pathology and the best part is that you did not do wrong here. I would tell you so. The other female doctor sees him as he is. She can't stand his male ego either.
Liz, I know you miss Kate and feel badly that you are away and she is hurting. But you are doing what you have to do for the family right now. If she was more ill you would be there for her. This digestive stuff will eventually go away and kate will be fine, but for you...I would like you to see this situation as it is. This was a professional melt down. It was not you. You did not know this patient was like this or was an extreme frequent flyer. You got caught in the middle.
And Peter is not hearing vast info on Dr a or about you. He is aware that there is some heat between you and is acting this way for his own reasons. This too is not about you and it is career harmless. He is self centered and not, I really doubt at all, hearing anything from a source, nurse or otherwise.
This feels big but it is not to Peter or Dr a. They are for lack of a better word, abusers, each in a different way. One is neglectful, the other, a verbal and emotional abuser who hates women. It is obvious to me.
You are hurt and frustrated over this childishness. I would be too. But, the situation will not always be as such. Take care of you. Try to see this as their issues and Forget this (they have) and move on. You were victimized, but are not their victim. You are a good nurse and mother. So, fire that emotional dragon that sits in your mind telling you that this is your fault or that something will come out of this. It will not. And Peter...he would have told you ages ago if this was a real issue. Steven
You didn't do anything wrong. You did what was asked of you and this is on Dr A...not you. And if he says anything to you can simply say that you do not mind being talked to about a situation, but you do mind being cursed and treated unprofessionally, especially as a female nurse receiving this abuse from a male doctor. I guarantee that option, although nuclear, is an unconscious deterrent to him, and he will try to ignore this situation too.
I would be shocked if he pushed this in any way other than ignoring it, or if he is truly intelligent about what he did, an apology. ( I doubt that one.)
The female doctor will be supportive of her own profession, but don't be fooled. She is a tough cookie and she didn't get that way from taking it from guys like dr a. She knows what it is like to be hurt by these types. She will support you if he goes off the edge. Steven
Fun at the hospital...not.
I didn't think Dr a would say anything to you. I addition to arrogance and narcissism he is a childish man. Not talking to you is right up his alley, and good for you. Perhaps he will leave you alone a bit more, but in a good way. Count your blessings if he ignores you.
You really got slammed and Bully Nurse was removed from you, and then had all the patient's yourself? Not only is that unfair to you, it is dangerous to the patients. No one can do all that by themselves!
And you did right in documenting the incident last night. Even if they would say, why did you write this in the chart, the fact is that few to no people would bother to write such things if they were not true. And, they do not know about your past documentation issue, so it would be a new behavior for them to evaluate...and honestly it would not look good for Dr A. In the long run I am sure they would poo-poo the entire thing as minimal, but the point that you wrote it out is excellent. There is no perfect situation here, but it improves your odds of looking good that you wrote it at the time.
I agree with Bully Nurse. Good for you. And it seems that Dr A's entourage of admirers is decreasing each day. He will self destruct. It is just a matter of time.
Sometimes with people like Jen you need to try your very best to avoid them until your own crisis and stress time is past. She is a weight around your neck that you do not need, plus she is not opposed to having you, already ill and tired, helping her deal with her issues. Honestly, she seems to not have an ounce of common sense either. Orange juice for stomach problems? What has she been thinking? Maybe you could carry some Thai pepper salsa and chips for her next time, since the OJ was only marginally effective in making her ill. What a nut she is.
I really do think Peter is so wrapped up in himself that he cannot see anyone else. He, I am certain, did not hear anything about you. He said these things to cover his butt and make himself look like he has the pulse of the hospital. He knows nothing. Look, he didn't even know you were on medical leave...what is he going to recall about dr a and you if that huge thing escapes him? Answer: nothing. As long as you show up for work he will be fine.
You and Dr a sitting down together? I doubt anyone will make that suggestion because Wendy is right on. They already forgot about this. I hate to say it but doctor and nurse issues, unless it is a public knock down drag out screaming fight will be seen as not important.
The truth is they do not care if he or you like each other or get along, as long as money is being made and the patients are not seeing the conflicts. Peter is not going to praise you or give you any reinforcement. He is not about that; he is about, himself. I wouldn't even go there in your mind as he will never give you the kudos you deserve. This is not you. It is simply him. He would not praise Dorothea Dix or Clara Barton if they worked for him.
The Irish, moody? Not sure if that is true as I know some moody Irish, Polish and Italians as well as others. Who knows why people there are so moody, but I can say that you are doing what you need to, and as long as you remember to say that everything you do is related to professional behavior or judgment, and that you leave your own opinions out of it, you'll be fine. Really.
Surgeons are not doctors in terms of emotional psychology. You know Freud had special comments for them as he thought they were the most insane of the professions... as they simply sublimated anger into a professional choice? Of course you did not talk to this surgeon for years. Surgeons are different. I do think Dr a will forget about this issue quickly, if not already. Just act professional with him, and indeed this will pass.
I trust Dr b to be Dr b. So, I would not tell him anything about the dr A thing. Dr b is nice, but he has a few emotional issues and he seems to be a "doctor before other professionals" kind of guy. Although he may sympathize, I do not feel that this is an issue you want to trust with him. Plus if dr a asks, which I majorly doubt, you will have plausible "denyability".
You are not soft; you're stressed. Look at where you work! You have a crazy job; crazy coworkers and health issues on top of being almost 6 months pregnant. Give yourself a break. If you were 100% it would still be hard. Wait until the baby comes and then you can decide what to do. You may feel much differently about this job once the baby is here, either totally for, or totally against. Plus, it would not be shameful to leave this role for something better. You always wanted something more anyway. So, no problems there. Just give yourself some time.
TMM, the man has grim timing, for certain. Steven
If Dr a is this petty, that he plays "don't talk to me" games after a conflict of this magnitude...then he is being outrageously immature. And, if he only talks to you out of a professional need, then fine. Again, I feel he is an abuser, and is volatile and explosive. He has too much emotional baggage and is unable to express it in a healthy way. Really: It is best if he avoids you, and overall this is not a bad thing; although it may feel uncomfortable.
I talked about this Peter situation with Kate (my wife the therapist). She too feels that he is egocentric and a managerial clone-trooper. He is there to make the place run and for him to look good. If something gets in the way of that, he reacts. I am uncertain about the level of his passive-aggression.
There are a lot of managers who like to team up the players who dislike each other. ...but I am not certain if he did this to Jen intentionally or not. It is poor management and is called weaseling, after the practice of dumping a weasel into a barrel with a terrier so that they "work it all out".
There is a possible perspective that he is just so uncaring about the people he manages that he simply does whatever is needed to the schedule to get the job done, and the heck with the wants and desires of the workers. Or he is intentionally cruel, which is really awful, as that makes him along the lines of Dr a...But, then I do not get the same vibe from Peter as Dr a. To me. Peter is simply self centered and totally about his own issues and stuff.
However, if he is really saying that he begrudges you medical leave, that is pretty low and flies in the face of lawsuit. The have to give you this time off as the condition is considered possibly life threatening, if not yours the unborn child. If he is that stupid to say something sarcastic, then I have no faith in this man's decision making or overall brains. That would make him shortsighted and very stupid. Then again...
I am sure you could easily work in any ER. The test that you took in your prior position is no marker of reality, as I am sure it was not professionally vetted against any standard. In fact, I wonder why all the nursing unions do not require professional educational vetting of tests? It seems in your world that a test can be created for any purpose, and that the results are hard line and binding, totally ridiculous. A first year graduate research student could shoot holes in that process.
Ah, yeah. I would not listen to Wendy. You are a solid nurse and anxiety has its time but it will diminish. I think you are simply in an environment that feels crazy, and is. That does not help the anxiety I am sure. But it doe snot mean you are in the wrong career.
I knew a nurse who did ambulatory surgery. She loved it, and they let her double up shifts so she only worked a few days a week. I am not sure if you would be too bored there. ER work seems to suit you, but again, the people you work with now are no standard to compare your suitability. Plus, you never wanted to stay here. So, put in your time and get out as you planned. There are other places and with this hospital, just let them give you the experience you need; put in the time, and run.
It would be tempting to write TMM and say no. But that is what he wants. Loon. (Still think the black SUV wasn't him? It sure fits.)
Thank you for the bonus Liz. I have no way to give you feedback anymore so I have to say it here, but thank you so much!
Your process for getting a renewal at the DMV sounds nightmarish. I cannot believe that you were not able to renew Rob's registration. Now you know this most likely all came about because some nasty person took advantage of somebody and there was a lawsuit and the DMV was obligated to do something about it. Now, everyone pays for it.
You are always making people laugh. And I laughed at the father's tears comment. Although a part of me, being a parent of two girls, really feels for this family. They are really messed up and look at the results but I cannot help but feel badly for them.
Now the massage thing gave me pause. This seemed very inappropriate to have to requested to remove your bra and then he unhooks the thing. Although you fell asleep (you probably really needed the rest) the idea that this "guy" is touching you and you have your bra essentially off and have little else on but your underwear...now that gets into the creep factor, big time. Why on earth would this place employ a male in that role with women? It begs for a sexual misconduct action, and even if nothing "happened" per say, you are still with this guy, and could be the subject of voyeuristic actions, including having photos taken. The whole thing just seems weird and I can understand why you would feel so violated. I hope you will not be going back there.
You did not deserve anything, if something did happen. You did nothing wrong. You had a massage. You fell asleep. It is just the manner in which this all took place that was peculiar. I would double think if you should tell Rob. This was not your fault. Maybe he should know, just to be on the safe side. Your choice of course, but still...
Dr S: I have often found that when people tell me that someone is a real piece of work and is not to be trusted that about half the time I end up liking the person and get along with them. Dr S may be edgy, and perhaps he is a jerk sometimes, but he certainly seemed nice to you, and your conversation seemed better than a lot of the interactions that you have there. You laughed and joked and seemed to get along great. Maybe you could be bff's. (And in the context of what you were talking about I do not think that this was or could be misconstrued. There would have to be a serious effort to do that. I think this was an innocent comment and taken that way as well.) After all, no one can tell you who you will or will not get along with. Perhaps you and this dr s, click.
Dr a in silence with you? I would suggest, and do not hate me for saying it, that you make some overture of hello or something with him next time you run into him. There are a number of reasons for doing so, and it doesn't have to go past a hello, but I think you should break that barrier only for the power it give you to do so. That way the onus is on him, not you, to act professional in return.
I am sure Peter will not look you up unless he is looking bad himself. I still feel he sees those who work for him as chess pieces.
Managers who do not know the truth that you said here are sadly, common. Many manage by avoidance or have the employees duke it out, all bad processes. But then again. I haven't seen that much good management at the places you work.
TMM wasn't in the SUV...That is okay, but I wonder sometimes if he does not drive by you, just to see. Steven
Don't get me wrong. I have a soft spot for families, period, but I am not naive about Paris' lifestyle choices and the shame she has brought herself and family. She had it, not so rough at all financially, but her family did not allow her discipline and as a result it ruined her life. It is her fault ultimately, but the family had a strong role in it and I do feel sorry for the whole lot of them. I do not have the cash resources of the Hilton's, but at least my kids are disciplined.
You want to do stand up? Well, okay then. You are funny enough and female stand up comedians who are truly funny are rare. So, what the heck. Wear a nursing uniform on-stage and go from there.
Men and perversion: You could look like anything and still be victimized. It doesn't have anything to do with what you look like, but rather the opportunity. I know why you do not want to tell Rob and that is your choice. But it seems like this may be worth sharing in some way...It was weird at the very least.
I am not saying that this doctor is exactly well put together and stable, but rather that you may find that he gets along with you. Some people just do better together and you, combined with his traits, may in fact flatten out his anger and aggression. After all, you grew up with this sort of volatility and have developed means to deal with it. That is not to say you should seek this guy out , as he seems crazy, but that he may end up treating you not as terribly as the other nurses. And, good for you that you stand up for what is right and decent by the patients. I get the feeling that without help many of these patients and families would be run over by the doctors.
Jen is who she is. She seems insecure and is controlling. She also needs her posse and if you defect she is out one more comrade. So, I am not shocked she tried to be nice and apologetic. But, I think she has earned the yellow caution flag and despite her overtures of apology I think it is wise that you watch yourself with her.
You did nothing wrong to earn the problems you have with others. They just happen and you are one of those people who just attracts these dysfunctional folks. The loon magnet is one that tends to be pretty steady in life for those who have that trait. It is not your fault, but it is not fun to have and I know you have been hurt by the actions of these people, from Jen to Dr A to your family and beyond. At times it must feel like it is all just too much. Going after these folks doesn't change the hurt nor does it usually change them. So, I actually see the way you are now as better than the "hard and tough" Liz of before. I know you miss her, but truthfully the person you are now is so much more open and real than that walled off one.
Dr a: It is your own choice about whether you talk with him or not of course, but I really do not see that talking to him makes you lose status. You control him more if you talk to him in my opinion. Plus, so what if he thinks he was right? He thinks that anyway. Not talking to him is not going to alter that fact. Although it sounds trite I do not feel that you lose by acting professional, you gain.
It is obvious that he hurt you. He questioned your competence, made you look badly in front of others and refused to admit his flawed diagnostic ability in this cardiac case. Plus he is arrogant and self absorbed. He is not exactly a winner. But you are better than him, way better. That is why I feel you could speak to him and not lose any face whatsoever.
TMM and the car. You should live here. I live on a dead end street, six houses total. We have dozens of people pull over on our street, lost...so much so we have to ask them if they need help as many will sit as stare at you in the yard. Rudeness in that way never ceases to amaze me. (We have so many because our street is named the same as the street the local mall is on. The GS units do not distinguish the two and people drive down our dead end looking for the mall and feel puzzled when they see a residential area.
You are still a great nurse, fatigue, juice or whatever. Steven
Aren't mattresses ridiculously expensive? Why should they be? They are simply cotton and polyester and some springs around a wood frame. Shop class stuff, yet 1000k and up is common as dust, and that often does not include delivery and extras like disposal of the old one and buying new sheets and blah blah blah...I just bought a mattress myself the pain is still there.
That is cheap for a dress for Kate like that. I have seen that price at second hand stores.Nice deal. And I know exactly the Victorian play house you bought. I have seen that one a lot. It is really cute.
We live for Leap Frog. I think we had every one of the modules. They are great and they last and do not break easily. I think the one made it through all three kids.
You and that stroller. You are determined to get one. And someone got two for a shower? I wouldn't even want to think about the overall income of that particular family. That is some high end stuff. And, Rob bought you chocolates too? Godiva's? You must have been good, or he wants something. Can't imagine what.
You want to sleep with Ellen to gain entry into the female comedians club? You know I never thought she was all that funny. Her humor is canned. Yours is more spontaneous. You don't need her anyway.
The older you get the more difficult it is to have friends who are close, real ones at least. Jen, I think, feels that she is your friend, but she also makes it difficult to be around her as she is so controlling. I think too that having some space away from her might help, but as her problems are personality based, she is not going to change much between her baby and yours, even with a full six months of avoidance. So, I think you eventually will have to make a choice with her. I mean, I could be wrong here, but as I see it she is pretty solid into her patterns of behavior and I doubt the maternity vacation will help too much.
Nah, it could not be a documentation error at work, not her. She is too good and doesn't make that kind of error, you know that. (Wouldn't you be beside yourself if this was you who put in for a vacation and the manager failed to make it registe? If I had a signed vacation slip you can bet I would be at HR commenting on all the stupidity going on there. Think about it. These people probably had paid plans. I do, and my vacation is not until Oct. If I was told I could not go I would be really angry. This prior place of yours was its own sad comedy of errors. And they are mean beside being incompetent. Those two traits together are pretty bad. You must feel kind of odd about hearing this stuff, huh? You went through so much there and they tried so hard to blame everything on you. Really amazing to see the lack of competence there in so obvious a way...And, you have been through it. There is no doubt there. You endured more than a year of torture with these people blaming you for there stuff. Crazy. I know what you mean when you say that you feel like you get punished for their incompetence when you are so detail oriented.
If you want to avoid all the doctors there except for what is professionally necessary I would get why and fully support it. When you do try to be informative you pay for it. Sometimes it is easier to just do the work and get out. Have you given further thought as to what you might do after the baby. How long do you have to go before they cannot charge you the 5k?
You did and do a good job at both places. I know at this one it is the lack of respect that you so miss. That is important as the job is thankless in so many other ways; it is good to have something like value and respect as an extra. But for whatever reason this place just doesn't seem to grab a hold of you and value you. When that happens it is usually okay to bid your time and then get out. You do not want to be lost in a system of that nature and it seems so cultural to this place. The only way to get noticed in a place like this current one is to leave. Then everyone wonders why you weren't happy. Just look at this place. It is like one big circus. But all in all I think leaving for something else once the baby arrives might not be such a bad thing. You can still pursue your dreams in this career, but at this hospital...it just seems too difficult.
You are more brave and bold than either dr a or b. But I would not look at this hospital as one where you are defined by how you are treated. They cannot give you your value and you are right. You are better than both of them as well as this whole place in general. You are only trapped until your time is up for the 5k. Then you can run somewhere where you have a better shot at being recognized for your abilities. This place is just too dysfunctional, too cold and removed. Steven BTW we need a new question. This is too long now.