How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask KansasTherapist Your Own Question

KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
KansasTherapist is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What a rollercoaster ride my life has been.I have done

Resolved Question:

What a rollercoaster ride my life has been.

I have done so well. I have been healing and things just don’t get to me anymore. Since then he has been over me and checking up on me. I don’t let the comments get to me anymore, the not calling and not coming home after work. Why? There just is no point. He of course as we spoke was working at his sisters house and now is done. I hate it. I loved my independence of coming home alone and having my own time….

BUT then….this weekend happened and I had a set back. I just need help moving forward again.

The setback was a quincenera his sister had. She had a huge party for her daughters 15th birthday. There was like 150 people who showed up and…one of those people was his sisters best friend. This girl is the one who has been cheating with him and was convinced he was going to leave me for her. It felt so awkward at first but then I let it go because I felt I had not done anything wrong. I felt they crossed lines and they should be the ones to feel stupid not me.

On Friday he came home late and didn’t take my call. The thing is he came home with makeup stains on his hat and then denied what they were. I felt disappointed and hurt for the first time in along time. I had been working so hard on his grandparents house to get it ready and he does this to me as a thank you! XXXXX was crushed that night which caused anxiety the next day for me. I went ahead and got ready for party. I got there and it was great. A lot of people greeted me and treated me so great. I danced and had great time that night. The only thing was being in the same area with her. She gave him the dirtiest look ever. Earlier that week she had mentioned to his aunt that she had known his sister for 15 years and was excited to be going. I don’t feel betrayed she was invited but on Sunday there was a family get together and we were not invited because she was there. That hurt me a lot. Once again I have done nothing wrong.

I noticed on Saturday night he was texting a lot and yesterday too. I didn’t say a word because it would only cause a fight. He can ready I am down and has been all the sudden rude to me last couple of days. He was talking to me about one of his cousins and said he is a good looking guy. I said yes he is a good looking guy. WOW those little words caused sooooo much drama. He said hes single I will hook you up. I couldn’t believe him I never said anything like that and he went into this direction out of the blue.

At the party she just couldn’t stop staring at me. It was creepy. If I danced she would get up and try to out dance me and on and on. I never have been in this type of a situation with a man before.

How do I get back to where I was? I was doing so good didn’t care and was loving myself. In the blink of an eye I am on a setback and I need to bounce back. What is your thoughts and opinions on everything? Why doesn’t he just leave me to be with her? He didn’t even acknowledge her that night…..
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 1 year ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : I don't know what reasons men have for staying with a woman while constantly cheating on her. It is so destructive to everyone involved. I do think some men have no intention of being faithful in any relationship, and being with a wife or girlfriend keeps other women from thinking it's more than a fling.
KansasTherapist : I think the question you might want to ask yourself is why you're staying with him. What if you told him you don't want him coming around any more, or you moved out to another place.
KansasTherapist : If you're happier without him, it sounds to me like it's time for you to move on.
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience: 17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
KansasTherapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have been talking with Kate and she knew the history. I will let you know we are 99.9% sure he is a narsicisst.
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 1 year ago.
If he has a personality disorder there is little chance that he's going to change unless he's willing to do the work it takes. I'm more interested in why you haven't left?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I came into the relationship a strong confident women. I raised very confident strong daughters. I always admired strong women and worked hard to become that. He feed off my confidence and strength. Once he used all the magical words and tactics to land me he started beating me down. He had me thinking I was a horrible person, mother, etc. and had me reevaluating everything in my life. To say the least he broke me down into a needy, unconfident, weak women who relied on my relationship with him for survival. It almost drove me into a true deep depression but I was able to beat it. A friend told me one day Brenda you are dating a narcissit. I started studing and reading about the disorder and sure enough it was like reading my life each and everytime. It took that for me to realize what was happening to me. I have been in recovery and have been building myself back up again. I still find myself trying to make sense out of things that can not have sense made out of them like the message I sent you the other day. I look back at it and say Brenda come on that is the old you and you know better. I keep reaching out to people who help and remind me it is NOT me it is him and his issues.


 


I guess I am reaching out to understand the disorder so I continue to build the strength to get out. I have made changes that will enable me to break away. We live together and there were alot of finacial things I have had to work on changing.

Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for telling me your story. It is hard to break away from someone we have become emotionally and financially dependent on. I have never worked professionally with a narcissist, but my father was a pretty narcissistic person. He was very damaged by his childhood and responded by needing to be the center of attention, valued only his own opinions, and was charming to everyone except my brother and me. I hope your finances improve soon so you can get your own place. Perhaps it would help for you to journal when you're feeling strong so you can go back and read it when you're having a bad day.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education