About four years ago, my husband took a job in a city three hours from our home and commuted back and forth every weekend. My son and daughter were in high school, and we had no family here, however, he refused to move us down. Not matter how many times I asked him, he said he was not having an affair--he said he was a saint. Last December, I found out that my husband of 23 years, who is known to all friends and family as being more honenst than Abraham Lincoln, that he had been in a secretative sexual relationship for eight months, during which time he spoke to his paramour on an average of 60 times a months. I have the phone bills. He called home to talk to my teenage daughter and me, and she was sitting right there in the room al the time. Shameful! He came home every weekend after being on the phone with her for three hours and kissed my daughter and I and acted like all was well. Then he talked to her on the phone the entire way back. He says there were no strings attached; he only used her for sex. However, he defends her everytime I mention her or question him about her. This women had three children out of wedlock and was a very unethical, uneducated, financially unstable person who never provided a stable family unit for her children. She had lived 19 placeds in 22 years and had 8 phone numbers in the 2.5 years my husband knew her. He flirted with her for a year before sleeping
with her, and he called her for a years and a half after she moved out of state.
I have asked my husband to go to counseling and to do everything possible to help me heal, since he has indicated that he loves me and wants to stay married. However, he gets meaner and more abusive as time goes by. I recently found out that he had initiated another relationship with someone else before the other lady left town, so this wasn't a one time occurrence.
I was fairly happy in our marriage until he turned 50, went on Zolfoft, and experienced significant career disappointments. That and my children and finances are the other reasons I haven't filed for divorce yet. I am afraid, because I have no family support or a large circle of friends. I should mention that the women he got involved with was a bizarre choice for him. His has an Ivy League education and a law degree, and he has always been careful and risk adverse. This women worked with him, and when she quit, he helped her attempt to get wages from his employer, an act I find unethically. He was the former head of the ethics committee for his old job, where he had been for 25 years, so I find this behavior to be out of character at best. Please give me any advice you can. I also need to know whether I should tell my college aged children why I have been so upset.