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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.It sounds like your husband has issues with his anger. If this is a relatively new behavior, it could be caused by a recent change, possibly your child's birth or other stressors like work changes. Rage indicates an inability to cope with feeling of anger. The person feel they have no means to cope so they lash out in extreme anger. If not controlled, it can lead to violence. This is the part that is concerning. Although rage can be considered verbally abusive (based on your feeling that you are being hurt as well as your child), it can also lead to physical abuse. Let your husband know that his rages are upsetting you and your son.
Tell your husband that he needs to address this issue right away. If he refuses to get help, then see a counselor yourself to decide what to do about your marriage. And if the rages continue, consider separating until he can get them under control. It is not ideal, but your safety as well as your son's is a priority.Your son can also be affected by what his father is doing. Extreme anger and rage is expressed through loud yelling, which can trigger a startle response in children. It can increase their adrenaline which is responsible for the flight or fight response in life threatening situations. If your son is exposed to the yelling enough times, he can be affected.
To help deal with this situation, ask your husband to see his doctor. You want to be sure there is no physical cause for your husband's rages. Then if he is medically cleared, ask him to see a counselor. He needs to get his anger under control. His doctor can refer him to a counselor. Here are some other resources to help:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201102/four-strategies-cope-anger-in-healthy-way
http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx I hope this has helped you,Kate
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Thank you for your reply. Should I just keep this between me and him, for the moment? I thought about letting his family know and hoping they will be able to help him as well. Do you think this is a good idea? Thanks again. Erica
It is probably a good idea to keep this between you both for the moment. You want to be able to see if he is willing to work it out. Telling others might make him feel shame, which could make the rage worse. But if at anytime you feel you and/or your son is in danger, by all means call for help not only from the police, but from family, even if you have to tell them what is going on.
I still haven't told him yet. I was waiting for a time when we both calm down. Should I tell him that I have been seeking advices from therapist? Don't know if he will respond poorly to the fact that I told others (even though he doesn't know you) about this incident. Thanks.
You may want to save telling him that until you both have had time to discuss this through. Telling him that you have been talking to a therapist may set him off. People with anger issues usually do not like to hear that they are being ganged up on, which is how many people with anger issues see that type of thing. Wait until you both talk it through and you find some solutions before you bring it up.
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