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Ask TherapistMarryAnn Your Own Question

TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5798
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate.... Just wanted to finish what I had written....sorry

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate....

Just wanted to finish what I had written....sorry to bother you with two questions...but here it is for your opinion.


Part 2

I think about her every day, but not in a way that I used to and less each time. I think negatively about her and wonder how I allowed myself to become so wrapped up with her game of coming and going. I mean I hadn't had sex with her more than three times in five or six months so the attraction wasn't sex. She constantly gave me a hard time when I did want to see her and she gave me excuses all the time. She never changed. She didn't respect me. She always lied, manipulated and was non caring.

She really wasn't all that good looking though cute and she couldn't hold a candle to my wife who I have rediscovered for real now. Thank God. When I think that I nearly broke up my marriage, back in late August, for Patty, I think how stupid could I have been? I've realized that my wife is beautiful, physically, loving, forgiving, always wanting to do things for me, like taking me to dinner last night. And my wife would step in front of a bullet to protect me. So what did I see in Patty who was just the opposite?

I have to contribute my behavior with Patty as another, late, midlife crisis. That's all I can think of. I was getting older at the time and I guess I wanted a last hurrah with a younger woman. It has had it's cost.

Your thoughts Kate. And thanks for all of your help.

I'm cured....for real this time. I've seen the light. And once the light of truth was shining on Patty, like all cockroaches, she ran for cover which in her case, she had nothing to say. She was caught one hundred per cent. And I think that she was stunned that I found, not only that she was on web sites, but I found the precise date she posted a profile and I found out what she said on the site on OKCupid.

I can only feel that I did her husband and my wife an injustice. I can never tell either one of them what happened, but I will make it up to my wife and I will pray for her husband, because he will need as much prayer as he can get while living with Patty.

Hope to hear from you soon Kate. By the way, I'm giving your name to a woman I know who is having similar problems with a lover. Incredible that I put myself through all of this.


Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 4 years ago.
Do you want me to answer both questions because JA will ask you to accept both questions.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You can read one and then two and answer on two. I separated the original communication because it appeared i was limited on charactets.

Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 4 years ago.



It sounds like Patty has been doing exactly what she wants to do all along- think of her own needs and no one else. All of the games she played all point to the fact that she was in all of this to take for herself and not really to have a decent relationship.


People who do these kinds of things know how to manipulate. They say just the right thing at the right time to get what they want, but they make it seem that they are normal, just wanting to be with you and nothing else. It's hard to spot what they are doing unless you have been on the receiving of it enough times.


It was only a matter of time before she was caught. It seems she was very good at this game but at some point, it probably got to be too much to keep up with. Lying to several people and juggling all the relationships at one time is more than one person can do. The fact that you caught her is good. You get to see the proof right there of what she is about. And it helps you to put an end to this relationship once and for all.


I'm glad to hear that you are moving on. Patty seemed like she was only out to hurt you. Going back to your wife is a good move. You can take the energy you spent on Patty and put it back into your relationship with a woman that treats you well.



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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Kate, thanks for all of your advice, Kate. All that you told me helped me to realize that life wasn't all rose colored glasses when it came to Patty. As you said, after hearing all of her lies over and over again, and after using the information that you were providing to me, it became easier to catch her in her lies. She began to trip herself up in obvious ways to me. It's been said that one should trust one's gut instinct. I through mine to the side for one year but I finally couldn't deny reality.

I feel free. I don't have the usual sick feeling of wanting to be back with her like in the past, but rather a feeling of disgust that i allowed myself to be manipulated by her and a happy feeling that i didn't screw up my marriage with a great woman who is totally opposite of a woman like Patty.

Thanks again and my best,


Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 4 years ago.

You're welcome, Bart! I am glad to hear that you are feeling better. It's good you are moving on and leaving the toxic situation you had with Patty behind.

My best to you!


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