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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate. So here is what we are going to do: all 6 of us are

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate. So here is what we are going to do: all 6 of us are putting in writing all that we witnessed, all that he said, the fb posts, etc. J will write out what jappened with her I am going to write a cover letter/ summary saying that we are frightened of and go him and primarily for A. That we love him, but he is in some serious trouble and needs help and is abusive and neglectful of his daughter and we are concerned about her safety. That they need to know they have a man up there who is out of control, angry, volatile, armed to the hilt, and is alone with a 2 year old. That he is off his meds, paranoid and violent. That we want to get him the help he needs, but at the same time need to protect A. I will tell them that, based on out experience, I they make even a casual initial contact without ensuring A's safety, he is likely to go into a rage and may harm himself or A, and stress that we believe that there needs to be a planned intervention to get A out of the way when they confront him, and to avoid any kind of stand-off. I will also tell them that his mother is in abq but he seems to be resentful about watching A and she will likely have no help, since she will likely never speak to any of us again, although there are a number of us who would be glad to care for A. I am also gpong to let tWillkie that hisom made a comment Monday morning (not to me - it was when she was going off to tami about my starting all this and her having to watch A [altgough I could not have made to more clear that I would do everything & it wasy responsibility. I think she just thought it would look bad of I was willing to do something and she, the grandma, was not]) that she understand why C beats A (because A kept her awak the night before she said she totally "gets" it now (why he abuses A), sp she may no be the best choice to care for A. I will also give them his sister's info, although she is in TN.

We will fax all this to the family advocacy program on base, and email it to CPS on the county. S will beat my office, and as soon as we send these off, he will call one agency and I will call the other.

Thoughts?

I am so afraid they will contact him but not remove A. Everyone is scare this will push him over the edge and he will hurt himself and/or A and/or others. Nobody wants that on their heads. But there is no safer way to do this, and we all agree that we have a responsibility to A. Doing nothing is not an option. They also l ow that it is going to tear their family apart, but again, what's the other option? I said I would report it myself, but all of us separately witnessed a lot more, an I felt we need to go in with theist we can to maximize the chances that they will act. We know there is a chance they will not, but we have to do as much as we can. They all are willing to risk whatever, although some of them (J's mother in particular) are scared to death that he will drive down here and shoot them. I have a hard time believing he could/would do that.ore afraid for A. He's not going to shoot me. But if he did, they'd certainly take A away :).

Any suggestion on how to make this as effective as possible but also as safe as possie for A (and for C)?

Did anyone try to help you & your siblings when you were being abused? If so, why did they leave you there? Did it make it worse go you?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Shay,

You all did a lot! Six of you reporting this man and what you saw and heard should have a strong impact. The agency should take this seriously. Agencies by law must investigate any reports of abuse. How thorough they are or if they actually do anything varies greatly from county to county. Most of the time, the goal is to keep the child with the parent, unless there is blatant abuse and it is felt the child's life is in danger. With what all of you saw and are reporting, it is hard to imagine that they would keep her in the home without at least a lot of intervention.

You may also want to report this to the police. Given his level of violence, reporting to the cops would be appropriate. Plus they will probably be called by the child agency anyway when they visit, given the weapons situation. It would help them to already have a report from someone on file.

This link may also help. It's a bit generic (government always is) but it may help you get a better idea of what the agencies should be doing:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/cpswork.cfm

Keep in mind, you may not know what eventually happens from the agencies that investigate this situation. Due to confidentiality, they cannot report back to you or anyone about this. But you may find out from the family.

Hopefully, he won't go off and hurt anyone. The potential is always there and there is no way to tell who might and who won't act out violently. But if the police know about this guy, they will be able to assess the situation and act quickly with the information they have from you.

Other than involving the police, there is not much else you can do. All of you are covering everything you possibly can and I can see nothing else you need to do.

When I was growing up, it was the 70's and child welfare was not as advanced so it was not an option then.

Let me know how it goes today!

Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Bad day. I had a really upsetting session with Linda today, could barely get ahold of myself. I couldn't answer anything she asked me. And it totally exhausted me. I came home and fell asleep on the couch for a little bit. S and T called. Their daughter ( who is an RN in AZ and 23 years old) told them that our plan was not the way to go. She thinks JH (J''s uncle) should call C and confront him about what happened with J, and see how he reacts. Then talk to C's mom and see what she thinks about getting C help. They think that his mom will be irate if they don't talk to her first and think C will be so mad he'll come down here and shoot people (JH being safer because he is a thousand miles away). Who cares if his mom is mad? That's all I heard. P had them on speaker phone. I didn't want to listen. I can't deal with it right now and I can't believe they are all chickening out, no matter what they call it. I don't know what to do. They are convinced the authorities will do nothing. I am pretty sure it will go nowhere if I'm the only witness. Once they go forward and talk to C and/or his mom, the window of opportunity will be screwed up. He will be suspicious and angry. P is upset because she thinks I'm mad at her because I walked away and went and took a bath. I tried to explain that I just can't deal tonight. I've already given my opinion and shared the research I did, and I have nothing more to say. It is their family and their decision. If they choose to do nothing, I will still have to, regardless. But it's got to be up to them , I guess. They can do what they want. I am about to either fall asleep again or start crying again. Could go either way. But I guess I better go in my bedroom. I'll talk to you later.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I am sorry to hear that, Shay. For what it is worth, confronting him is the worst idea. The guy is violent and has the potential to go off and hurt anyone who tries to tell him he is mistreating his child. And telling him this will not change his behavior. You have already tried that and he didn't care. I understand why you feel upset. They all agreed to do something and now are backing out. What you may want to try is reporting this to the authorities just as you planned. Then let them know there are other witnesses. Give them the names of who was there. And let the police handle it from there. You do have a lot of evidence to back up what you are saying so that will be enough.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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