Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.I am sorry to hear that you were treated so horribly by the doctor. People who hurt others like the doctor hurt you often have issues of their own they don't cope well with so they put them on other people. So that was not about you as much as it was about her.Having questions about your sexual preference can be caused by many things. If you are unsure, that may mean that there was trauma in your background. An abusive parent, especially a father who was abusive, can cause you to feel an aversion to men. Women can be open and emotional, which for someone who was hurt can be very appealing. You can also have feelings for neither males or females. That can indicate that you feel bad about yourself or that you were deeply hurt and don't want a close relationship of any kind. Feeling ashamed is also a sign that you were hurt. Because of that, you may want to consider therapy. It can help you to talk to someone who you can confide in and who can guide you through what you feel. To find a therapist, try asking your doctor. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.Let me know if you have more questions or if I can help in any other way.Kate
It sounds like feel bad about yourself and put yourself down. That can be as a result of messages from your childhood if you were abused.
Contacting a chat line may be a way for you to explore your sexuality, but you are also going to find a lot of people on there who are hurt and dysfunctional and therefore, you will not be able to find a way to explore your own needs within normal boundaries.
It can be difficult when others make judgments about you, like those at work. But they do not understand your situation so they are only making judgments based on their own feelings.
Being overweight can be the result of childhood sexual abuse or even physical or emotional abuse. As a result you may push your feelings down and cover them with food- emotional eating. And it also provides a barrier between you and the outside world, protecting you in a way from others who can hurt you. Once you feel better, your weight will be easier to manage.
It may help you to work on any abuse you suffered as a child. That can be the root of what you are experiencing now. Your therapist would be the best option with support from sites like Just Answer so you always have someone to talk to.
It may be easier to talk with her about your shame rather than sex at this point. Talking about the shame around it can help you work through that first, then you can get to how you feel about sex. It's like layers. You deal with what is preventing you from talking about sex before you actually talk about sex.
That may be shame and fear. It sounds like there is something in your background that is causing you to feel this way. And talking about what caused this and working through that part first can help a lot. It is hard, I know. Take your time and go slowly. Let your therapist know that you are scared and that if she smiles you'll want to leave. She will help you work with those feelings.