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KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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Hello, I know there is a lot of people dealing with this situation

Customer Question

Hello, I know there is a lot of people dealing with this situation out there, but when it hits you, it seems that you are the only one. I had a relationship for 4 years in wich we live at the same place, My fiance was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma two years ago, had a Bone Marrow transplant and thank God is on remision since that. I had a lot of issues wich i didnt express starting at that time, fear and uncertainty about the future. I did not had a book manual to deal with the situation, and eventhougt i was with him during all the process, help him, took care of him and give him all my support and love, i did not know how to deal with my own feelings, i felt worried, and very fearful. I work from 8 am to 6 pm and when i arrived home i had some drinks to calm my nerves. He got tired of that and left me. I am so heart broken and desparete, I love him very much and really care about him a lot. But at the same time i know he has to deal with his own situation regarding he's healing process and wellbeing. I am really depressed, i can't imagine not been with him, but he told me he does not love me anymore and that he is tired of being with me. I need a lot of help, Im drowning, he is my life and has been since we strarted, I dont have kids ( he has one from a previous relationship), i dont know what to do or how to deal with this emptyness my soul and heart is feeling right know. Yhanks for reading these.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 2 years ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : Your situation is, indeed, heartbreaking. I'm that, after all you went through, you ended up without the man you love.
KansasTherapist : Your depression is making everything feel even worse. It is a powerful force in your life and the main emotion isf utter hopelessness. there are something's you can do. The first thing I wsuggest is that to talk to your doctor about starting an antidepressant. It certainly won't fix everything, but it will help.
KansasTherapist : I also suggest you see a therapist. You need someone to talk to about the painful experince you've been through.
KansasTherapist : Do you think you'd be able to do either of those things?
Customer:

Hi thanks for writing, excuse my orthography im from PR. The thing is that i never imagine that this could happen, i never thought my relationship was going to end like this, Actually , I am a physician, Im an Inernal Medicine Board Diplomate by USA, I dont think prescriptions will be the answer and Im not prepare to phase a therapist, Im hopeles right now and i dont know what to do, I am really sorrey about the harm if i did some, and i regreat about that.


 

KansasTherapist : If you're still using alcohol regularly, you may want to consider stopping or cutting back. While the alcohol may help you relax, it ultimately makes your depression worse.
KansasTherapist : I can imagine the loss of your partner has been devistating after going through his illness with him.
KansasTherapist : I'm not sure if you're still typing or if the system is stuck.
Customer:

Actually i stop and it was not like i was drunk all the time, i did not took alcohol to get drunk or something like that, that was not a problem never before, The thing is that i did not notice when he started to get tired of it, It took me by surprised. Things change for him, i understand but at the same time i did not change with him, despite the love i had and still. i think stock


 

KansasTherapist : I probably don't need to tell you that going through a life threatening illness causes a person to reevaluate their lives. Sometimes the conclusion they come to is self destructive, like ending a long term, loving relationship.
Customer:

it is true, i know i have to not think about me, just think about him and give him the space he needs, but is very hard, i really love him, ill do whatever he needs to feel ok, i just need some support to deal the fact that im loosing him. I do not want to be selfish, so i know that i have to bring him my support even if the fact is that he end with me, but is hard, i just want to give him my love and support. I respect him alot, and i accept his determination to leave mee, but is hard. I just want the best for him.


 

KansasTherapist : I understand you only want what's best for him. Sadly, it is very painful for you.
KansasTherapist : Do you have close friends or family who would support you?
Customer:

I know, but i feel guilty, not worhty and ashame.


 

KansasTherapist : What do you feel ashamed about?
Customer:

not changing when he probably was expecting some higher attitude by me


 

KansasTherapist : It doesn't seem like you have anything to be ashamed of. You were there for him when he needed you. His decision to leave you wasn't your fault even if he blamed it on your drinking.
Customer:

Thanks for that, i really needed to hear that! i should accept his desicion and keep going with my life, its very heartbreaking to say, and even harder to do, we still live in same place til i found i place to go, im working on that, its hard to see him daily and not even talk to each other. At this time i have to go to see an apartment, so ill close the chat and cheek later for answers,,thanks

Customer:
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience: 17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
KansasTherapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 2 years ago.
Living with him and not being able to be close to him must be awful. It is probably part of you depression. Moving into your own place should help, even though I'm sure that seems hard to do too. Try not to beat yourself up about all this. I think your partner is making decisions based on his illness and possibly some depression rather than your relationship. You've been in the position of caregiver for long enough that you are convinced you have to take care of him even when you're breaking up. You can let him go and give him space, but you don't have to take on all the responsibility. No break up is just one person's fault.

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KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist
Mental Health Professional
565 Satisfied Customers
17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.