Hello again Kate,
thank you. I don't know really why I feel so bad, physically and mentally, but I have felt particularly stressed today, maybe bc D has been home all day, until an hour ago, then he went you know where. It's been a beautiful day, one of the best of recent weeks, and I spent no more than 15 minutes sitting on the front door step weeding from where I sat before I was totally exhausted. I've been wanting to lie down and go to sleep all afternoon, but I had washload after washload to sort out bc it was a fine day for drying. I don't know, I guess it's all catching me up, I'm feeling bad and guilty again today, he has been pleasant enough, he has done a bit of bramble trimming (left his mess everywhere), and a little of something else, then watched TV for the rest of the day til he went out. I am feeling like a bad mother, everything just happening around me, I know what's going on, but do nothing. Sam drove to pick Poppy up (THAT was stressful!), and now she has gone out with Sam to meet some friends at someone's house, I failed to be firm enough, and can just hope that she will be home by the time I told her (10pm) I am feeling so poorly I can do nothing. I am working tomorrow, I should have showered today, I'll have to try to be up early tomorrow. I've even been irritable with Lola bc she jumped over the neighbours wall so that she could bark at a dog in the road, I had my arms laden with washing from the line (forgot my basket) and I had to ask Sam to get her in. D said what are the dogs barking at, he should have gone to look instead of getting himself prettified for the pub.
Kate, I'm sorry, I'm not right, I'm wingey and moany and I don't like me. I anticipate a difficult week, and have been thinking about whether I should speak to Dr H about D, or just hope that they have the matter in hand. She hasn't phoned me, and her email is down. It is such an event going to see her, maybe I'll wait a couple of days and see if D's GP phones again.
I might sign off now in case I don't get back again. I was so desperate to get home to bed when we were in the car, I hope I can sleep once I try.
Goodnight my friend