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DrFee , Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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3years depression following retirement from much loved business

Resolved Question:

3years depression following retirement from much loved business have recently weaned of antidepressants cipralex with withdrawell. tired/anxious and rem sleep makes me tired. Are there more holistic remedies ie st johns wort etc that would be worthwhile? rather than specialists idea to put me onto other anti depressants.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  DrFee replied 4 years ago.

Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

The natural remedies, in my experience seem to be "hit or miss." I've had some clients who say they really help and others who notice no difference. You probably know that they are not regulated by the FDA. They are not embraced by many doctors because they are not consistent in production, processing, labeling, and effectiveness.

This does not mean you shouldn't try them, I'm just saying that you need to know the facts about them.

Another option for you that might be better is Neurofeedback. You can read about it here: Essentially we have several different types of brain waves that are supposed to move at certain speeds --when they don't, certain problems result (like depression). The Neurofeedback helps train your brain waves to do what they are supposed to do --and the results are supposed to be permanent.

I know that's a simplistic explanation --and more complex explanations are available.

You mentioned that the depression started after you gave up a business that you loved. That's a huge life change, and even if it's the "right" change, it's still not easy. I'm wondering if some of what is going on is some grieving. Are you familiar with the 5 stages of grieving?

1. Denial
(disbelief that the loss occurred -- or difficulty accepting the reality of it)

2. Anger: (Can be at circumstances, God, yourself, another person, etc)

3. Bargaining and/or Regrets (If
only, _________ (fill in the blank), then retirement would have been easier to accept)

4. Depression:
Sadness over the loss/retirement

5. Acceptance:
Acceptance involves getting to a place where you can re-invest your energy into a new activity.

The stages do not necessarily occur in order, and you can go back and forth between them before the grieving is over. You might spend only a little bit of time in one stage and a lot of time in others.

Please do not rate my answer until you are satisfied. I am more than happy to follow up with you until you are happy with the service that you have received.

DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
DrFee and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your response I need more time to study your answer. Also I live in U.K. so we are at different times. The stages do fit. basically I had a well loved discoteque/restaurant business, called XXXXXXXXX, for 40 years, in atmospheric, famous, buildings, constructed from old tythe barns. It became my identity. My business partners wanted to sell. I wished that I had been brave enough to find backing to buy them out. I have not yet had chance to study Neurofeedback, so do not know what it involves, but will get back to you. I was fortunate to have an interesting & sometimes exciting life. Pro Wrestler, 60's London Club involvement, Cromwellian Club, moving on to XXXXXXX in 67. Now my life is less interesting, although I have a young beautifull wife, and family. You can find me on google as Bob XXXXXXX wrestler.Thanks again, Bob XXXXXXXXXXX.
Expert:  DrFee replied 4 years ago.
Hi Bob,

Take all the time you need, and if you want me to address any of those points in more detail, please ask.

It sounds like you've had an adventurous and interesting life. The restaurant sounds really neat.

I have 2 more thoughts right now:
1. Regarding making something our identity can be problematic (no matter what it is) because everything in it's time fades, ends, or changes in some way. The change in and of itself is hard (hence the grieving part), but if it's our identity then we're left with a hole that can't be filled. However, if our identity is based on something more permanent (one example being valuable for just who we are as person irregardless of what we "do," then as life changes, we don't lost our value, we just are doing something different.

2. Thought from a developmental perspective --as we grow older (from birth to death) our tasks change in terms of accepting ourselves. In middle adulthood we are working though the struggle between productivity/generativity vs. being self-absorbed or stagnated --hopefully with an outcome of production, care, and meaning for what we contribute to society. It sounds like you were very productive and achieved a lot of your dreams, which brought you happiness, accomplishment, love for life, etc. As you move out of that stage and onto the next, the task is between personal integrity vs. Despair which hopefully results in a sense of wisdom about life that you can pass on to people around you. While there's a lot of reflection during this stage, it of course does not mean that you can't do new things or have new adventures! But, it does mean that some things are over, past, or retired.

One final note --this site has a policy regarding anonymity, so your name will be removed from the transcript. However, please know that I appreciate your desire to share with me who you are and what you've done!

Until we speak again,

Dr. Fee

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