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KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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My 21 year old daughter recently came out as bisexual and has

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My 21 year old daughter recently came out as bisexual and has been dating a woman who has OCD. The girlfriend calls or texts my daughter and expects her to be immediately available to her for support and then gets upset when she is busy. My daughter gives her detailed information on her schedule so the girlfriend knows when she is not going to be available. My daughter thinks this is normal relationship behavior and the rest of the family feel that it is very controlling. How can I support my daughter and help her understand that this is not a healthy situation?

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : I agree with the advice you've given your daughter.
KansasTherapist : But it doesn't sound like she's ready to take it.
KansasTherapist : It's often the case that a young person has to try things out for themselves before they listen to advice.
KansasTherapist : My guess is that your daughter will get tired of being on a short leash, and when she does, she may need your support.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
My daughter has been rejected in the past, doesn't have a lot of close friendships, and somewhat low esteem in this area. I feel she is willing to do anything to keep this relationship, which is my greatest worry. What bothers me most is that she thinks this is OK and due to her lack of experience in "love" relationships, she doesn't know what is "normal." How can I convince her this is not normal?
I understand your concerns. It's difficult to watch our children make these kind of mistakes , and I think your points are valid. One of the headset questions I get on this site start with the phrase, how can I make him/her listen. The truth is, you can't make them listen. You've already told her what you think and being more insistent will only be likely to create conflict between you. One suggestion you might make is that your daughter as her girlfriend if she can go to a therapy session to hear an ideas the therapist may have of how she can help. Hopefully the therapist will not encourage this constant reassurance.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Not sure about your wording here: "One suggestion you might make is that your daughter as her girlfriend if she can go to a therapy session to hear an ideas the therapist may have of how she can help."


 


Are you suggesting they go to a therapy session together?

I meant ask when I type as. Going together is what I was suggesting. I guess I said it in too round about way.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I don't think joint therapy is in order here. I think this is a very unhealthy situation and am going to encourage my daughter to seek individual therapy to learn what a healthy relationship is. She needs more social interaction with other friends and family before she is permanently damaged by this relationship. This is a very needy person who is using her mental problems to manipulate my daughter and i think it is borderline emotional abuse. Thank you for your advice but i really don't agree with it..
You're much closer to the situation that I am, so your judgment is probably best. Individual therapy may be just what she needs and if the therapist thinks that join therapy would help, there is always time for that later. I hope your daughter takes your advice and things turn out for the best.

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