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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5558
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate. All is well so far in CO. Only got a few hours sleep

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate. All is well so far in CO. Only got a few hours sleep Tuesday night, but the dive is only 4.5 hours and state awake :) I'm glad I came up yesterday, for P's sake. I had no idea until I spoke with her sister-in-law tues night that there have been some major issues with her nephew. major anger issues (son of her bro who died 4 yrs ago). He has 2 yr old, wife is deployed to Afghanistan. I knew there were supervision issues, but it seems to be total neglect, screaming obscenities @ her .....
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Wow, Shay, that is scary. I would definitely call the police. Just the fact alone that he has made threats. Then add that he is angry and has means to carry out those threats are all justification for an evaluation for a 302. You might want to call ahead to the police to see what your options are as well as the local hospital ER to ask about a 302. The last thing anyone wants to do is interfere with a family event but it sounds like your concerns are very justified. I would play it safe. You may even end up saving some lives if this guy decides to go off.

I hope it goes well. Let me know.

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He has been fine since I go here. Apparently he had a miraculous alteration when his mom took his daughter with her. I just don't think he can handle her. His wife was deployed a few months ago and is not going to be back until December. He I a stay-at-home dad when she is here, too. Since he got here, he ha apparently left her unattended for hours, in a non-childproof room without a playpen or anything, left her unattended outside (there's a pond), or yties to leave P's 9 yo great niece be responsible for her. He Has never gotten her hair cut apparently, and so they were trying to nicely offer to cut her hair. He told T she could cut it (A, his daughter, was eating). He was going put to the garage to play video game. T said she didn't want to do it unless he was there to okay it, since it was her 1st haircut. C (nephew) got mad and told the 9 yo to hold A's hands up. He grabbed the scissors from T, chopped off A's hair and walked out. All of her hair fell in her food an he just left.

That stuff is bad enough, but to hear that he was yelling at her, screaming for her to "go the f*** to sleep," yelling at her that he hopes she hurts erself and learns her lesson, etc. I am floored. She is not even 2 - her bday is late September. She can't possibly understand. She was chewing on something the other day, and T said "what does she have?" (c was not around). She was chewing on the barrel of a gun! S (P's brother) told him guns were not permitted in the house and made him lock them in his car. S is the one C threatened. He's fine now, but is a big baby. He won't do anything and if he is asked to do something, he throws a fit. He keeps saying that nobody likes him, everyone just notices when he screws up, but otherwise don't pay attention to him, blah blah blah.

I couldn't believe what he was doing with A. I asked P, C and T how they could stand by and not do anything, especially wowing parents themselves. They said he was so volatile and they were so floored, they didn't k ow what to do excep keep A away from him. That's fine. And if he doesn't want to deal with her, I will take care of her while we are here, but what does she go home to? I would imagine he's on his best behavior in front of everyone. This is all unbelievable to me. His dad (P's brother) was the most gentle, loving man. He would be so upset. The problem, too, is that C is so big. He's about 6'8" 300 lbs. I am going to see how things are when he gets back. I have a feeling his sister (who has a kid who is almost same age) is going to go off on him and he wi get angry. I can't watch or hear him screaming at A and do nothing. Who I will just take her and have soneone take her soneone else and call the police. I can't believe nobody has done anything, but I do understand that they were afraid of him taking off angry with A. So sad. I think everyone is a little shocked. We all knew he got angry sometimes and was lazy and selfish, but nobody expects this.

I don't mind being the one who calls the police. I would rather he hate me instead of his family. He has talked to me a lot since I got here last night. He is a strange one. I tried to bring it up with him, but I wasn't here when all that happened. He acted as though all is fine. I didn't feel like I could confront him since I didn't witness it.

We'll see.

I've been cleaning like madlast night and all day today. I think it's driving everyone else crazy. Oh well. I couldn't stand it.

Well, I will let you know what happens. I'm right, aren't I, that screaming the f word at a 22 month old (who is very active but still can't talk a lock) and screaming at her all the time is some kind of abuse? They were thinking nothing can be done unless there is physical abuse. Are they right? There is seinitely neglect, except that everyone ere is obviously not going to let her go unwatched. He brought only 2 outfits for her for over a week, won't wash them, and won't change her diaper. So obviously everyone else has and will take care of that stuff. The good thing is that although he lives on a different city, he does live in the state of CO, which I think would give the police and/or children's services more power. But I don't. Know.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You are definitely right that screaming cuss words and all the other things this guy is doing to his daughter is abuse. If you can get someone who witnessed how he treated his daughter to call child protective services. And you are right that what he does at home is probably a lot worse. He can easily be accused of neglect and child abuse just based on what he has done in front of all of you. I can't imagine what that poor child has been suffering with at home. Here is the number to call to report this guy:

 

http://www.childhelp.org/

 

Also, contact the police where he lives and notify them of what everyone saw while with him. They need to know something is going on. Does this child have any relatives in the area where she lives? Can someone check on her or take her for a while? Those are some of the options you have. Also, her mother may need contacted even if she is deployed. Most service members, unless they are in the war zone, can be reached by email or even cell phone. She needs to know what is going on.

 

I think it's great that you are stepping in to help this little girl.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5558
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He has been okay since they got here, except he is not paying attention to her. But everyone else is watching her. His mom tried to talk to him and he got angry. I told everyone that as soon as he pulls something, I'm calling the police. His mom even said she agreed. P is concerned about this mess and asked if I will wait until Sunday. I said not if he starts being abusive in front of me. P's aunt died yesterday and this has been extremely har for her she is at her limit Everyone is just trying to keep A away from C, which seems to suit him fine. I told his mom that if he starts getting angry, she needs to take A somewhere, since she has a car seat, and I will call the police. I am scared to death for her at home. Nobody lives where he does, but D (his mom) and I talked. She going to go up there once a month and take her for a month while she is on break (she's a college professor). I am going to send C's wife a private message through fb. I will also take your advice about contacting the police there. He lives on a military base. I will call. Everyone is aware now, so plans are being made. Apparently his wife is not a very attentive mother either. So sad. A is so starved for attention. C told me this morning she was "miss independent". I said how independent can a 22 month old safely be? He clearly resents her being around because he can't do what he wants when he wants. I'll keep you updated. Thank you for your advice and resources. I will follow up on it even if he doesn't do anything more. And I will talk to C. He is coming to Abq for a few days after this and coming toy office to do a will. I am thinking about telling him if he doesn't stop and get some help that I will make sure she I not with him. Do you think that is advisable or will make things worse?
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I'm glad to hear that you are reporting this man to the police. He sounds downright scary and his wife doesn't sound much better. That poor child.

I would not tell him that you intend on reporting him. Based on his behavior, he will most likely become angry and try to take the girl away so no one can be with her or help her. It's better to get advice from Childline and the local CYF (Children and Youth services) about what your options are. And the guy's mother can also file for custody as well.

Thanks for keeping me up to date. I am praying for the little girl.

Kate

PS I think we need to close this thread out and start a new one.

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5558
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
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Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.