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Heidi LPC
Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 235
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor
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How do I encourage and help my son find a companion? He has never had a date and has been

Resolved Question:

How do I encourage and help my son find a companion? He has never had a date and has been rejected many, many times. He is now extremely discouraged and angry. He is 35 years old.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 2 years ago.

Heidi LPC :

Hi there! I hope to be of some assistance with your question here today! Social & emotional confidence can be a very challenging thing to manage when one has faced rejection in social situations. This question is very interesting, as there are various levels in which we can approach the problem.


 

Heidi LPC :

First, has your son ever had a "mentor" or someone whom he looked up to greatly, who exhibited the type of confidence that he wishes to develop? Sometimes, having an example of how to start conversation, how to approach others with an "open" stance physically, (arms uncrossed, smiling, making eye contact, etc...) and then simply mimicking these behaviors can help someone to learn how to do it. "Fake it until you make it" is a good motto; practice actually does work to create an approachable persona.


 

Heidi LPC :

(Also, tell him that an easy way to start conversation is to ask questions about the person, kind of like interviewing them... people love to talk about themselves!)

Heidi LPC :

As far as the actual logistics of finding potential partners, online dating is a very popular forum for meeting others with similiar interests. It is non-threatening, as you can become familiar with others but only meet if you feel there may be a possible connection. One free website is "PlentyofFish.com" that he might like to try.


 

Heidi LPC :

He has a choice to make; behave as if he is a victim of circumstance, or take action to keep himself involved in living and being around others in order to meet new people. Action is the antidote to powerlessness & unhappiness; joining organizations that are involved in things he enjoys, getting out and participating in life will give him more possibilities for success than just shutting down and giving up. Encouraging him to stay positive will attract more people to him than will negativity... which only repels people. He is lucky to have your support and care!


 

Heidi LPC :

I am attaching a link to an article regarding gaining social confidence: http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/how-to-gain-confidence/


He might like to read this and see if any of this is helpful to him...

Heidi LPC :

I see that you are offline, and so I will wait for any further questions or your reply; I hope this advice was somewhat helpful to you! Love might just be right around the corner for him and with a few little changes to his thinking and social behavior, the time may be very soon that he finds what he is looking for!! :-)

Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hello, Bob... I found one more link with some better info than the first; I hope this gives more helpful advice! http://suite101.com/article/overcoming-social-anxiety-a42176

All the best to you!!

Heidi LPC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 235
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor
Heidi LPC and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yes Heidi thank you for your answer, but he has all but given up and claims dating websites are a scam. How do I encourage him when he gets angry about that suggestion?
Expert:  Heidi LPC replied 2 years ago.
It is frustrating for you, no doubt, to watch your son struggle. If you offer your support and some ideas that may help him get past this, yet he is resistant to your help, sadly there isn't really anyway to fix it for him. This issue will require that he get mentally & emotionally in a healthy, approachable mindset... and he has to be ready to change his thinking in order for that to happen. We can only really encourage our loved ones, and gently guide them when they are open to it. Ironically, just yesterday I had dinner with a couple who met online; it happens all the time and is quite successful for many, many people. He just has to think about what he wants to be his goal, and then take active steps to make it happen. However, like I said, you can guide him... but ultimately the decision is his. If he resists, all you can do is go about living your own life and enjoying your own happiness... and hopefully he will see that he remain stuck in his negativity or he can make the same choice to find happiness! It is in his hands to decide! He is fortunate to have you in his life; I hope he makes the choice to keep moving forwards!

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