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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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why do i like to be sad

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why do i like to be sad

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.


Sometimes people find it easier to be sad because by being sad, it can feel safer. Facing the world with all it's risks and troubles makes being optimistic difficult. If you experience your emotions in a normal way and do not repress them, then facing disappointment can hurt, a lot. But when you feel sad, down or depressed it can let you expect less from life.

It could also be something reinforced from your childhood. If you grew up in a home where your parents or caregivers were always conflicted or there was abuse, being sad might have been reinforced. Often children who try to be happy in a home where there is abuse or conflict are often punished. So being sad is rewarding. It makes you less of a target.

You could also have an underlying disorder, such as Dysthymia or another type of depression. It could be that you are used to feeling depressed so it makes you less upset than someone who becomes depressed for other reasons.

It may help you to see a therapist for an evaluation. The therapist should sit down with you and go through your childhood, symptoms and current situation. They can let you know if you have a disorder or if you are just having adjustment issues. They also can recommend a course of treatment, if needed. If your sadness interferes with your life, you can also consider medication to help you until therapy begins to work.

I hope this has helped you,

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or more stars? Anything lower results in a negative against my record (ratings are confusing, sorry!). And your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
hey Kate

thank you for your answer.

Its not because i find it safer or because i cant deal with disappointment.

what do you mean by reinforced "If you grew up in a home where your parents or caregivers were always conflicted or there was abuse, being sad might have been reinforced"

My brother and sisters are doing ok, and my parents had some conflicts but not that many.

I checked Dysthymia, its not it. And its not because i used feel depressed.

Some more information.

I just think about things that make me sad, and i tempt to stay in that state for while, for some crazy reason. Why???


If someone grows up in a home where there is abuse, then being happy is usually looked at as defiance of the parents. But being sad usually is reinforced by abusive parents. They do not want their children to be happy. But if you feel your home life was normal, then that is not a concern for you.

It could be that feeling sad helps you stay in touch with your feelings. You may like the feeling of sadness because it is a strong emotion. Many people are emotionally sensitive and find the stronger emotions like sadness appealing.

It could also be linked to an underlying personality issue. Without seeing you directly, I cannot say for sure though because you would have to have many other symptoms to qualify for a personality disorder.

You can benefit from an evaluation to find out the root of what you feel. The detailed information that is needed for an evaluation helps you to find exactly what might be at the root of why sadness appeals to you.


Customer: replied 4 years ago.
what can i personally do, besides seeking professionel help or evaluation?

Without knowing why you feel this way, it is not as easy. But you can try Cognitive Behavior techniques. This is a type of therapy that teaches you how to change your thoughts so you affect your feelings. You can try it on your own, learning from resources the basic techniques so you have a guide. Here are some resources to help you get started:


The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Depression: A Step-by-step Program
by William J. Knaus EdD and Albert Ellis


Think Right, Feel Right: The Building Block Guide for Happiness and Emotional Well-being by Robert D. Isett and Brian Isett



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