Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Well first off FMLA. FMLA can be taken whole, or intermittently, which is how you might need it. It is unpaid, but only when all of your sick, personal and vacation time is expired. Then it switches to unpaid leave. Once you are there a year and have a qualifying condition, (you do) they must give this to you and it protects your job.
I guess I misunderstood the bed rest concept. What you have sounds like a respite at home. No work, but you can do light stuff. No sex for Rob. That's bad for him. And, I know you love to look up medical things, but this could simply dissolve, this clot, and back you go to work. If you read the dangers on the Tylenol bottle they sound pretty grim too, but most of the time, the vast majority of it...nothing happens. You have to see this as prepare for the worst but expect the best. You do the first part well, but I am hoping you can get some of the second part...expecting the best, XXXXX XXXXX more strongly.
I do not think you are a mess. I think you are in a lot of emotional and "life" pain. ANd, it was very sweet of her to offer to come get you. And, it does show you how people are supposed to be vs. what you were shown by your mother. And you can now see how normal is for a little girl. Kate is smart and clever and explores and investigates. She is not going to sit still and let life simply happen around her. You have many of those traits as you describe yourself. As a result, you can see what you were told about your own value by your mother, compared to how you deal with Kate as her parent. It is night and day.
And, this all shows you how became so questioning of your own thoughts and feelings at times. Mom instilled a lot of self doubt in you. But that does not mean you cannot see it for what it was and realize, based on all that you have told me about your own parenting, that you can "rewrite" what happened to you as a girl and begin to see that need for love and acceptance and loneliness as the result of a parent who made you feel so insecure. And, look at what the restrictions Rob faced. They were different than your own, yet you see the results of what happened to him as a child reflected in the behavior of his adult life. My point is, you too have hurts that came from what mom did, and her restrictions and withholding of love and acceptance. But, if you can see that this is not you, but rather her issues, it can help you feel more secure, more solid, as mom's issues were her own...and they were not about you.
I am glad you and Rb talked about the money in the home. He doesn't sound quite so investigative as simply confused. And, agreed: Not seeing your mother is a good thing. She is not doing well and you do not need that pressure. You have enough of your own stuff right now. And MIL. That was not very kind, at all. She laughed at this, and ok, in a dark weird way it has some humor, but why on earth could she not see that this behavior is hurtful to you? All you wanted is to get along and feel like a real daughter and to be loved and accepted by your mother. That is not funny. Her reaction to you (your mom) is pitiful really. But it is not funny. I am sure I would find your family a psychological hoot. Mine is. Steven
FMLA, once granted burns sick, then personal, then vacation until it is all gone. Yes, sadly, they will make you use your vacation and all leave time as FMLA and the clock starts ticking on the FMLA time limits the moment it is active. But they have to give you an equivalent position if you return to work under FMLA. It does not have to be your old job, but it has to be same rank and level. They cannot terminate you if FMLA is active. Only if FMLA expires fully can they do that or if they lay you off b/c the jobs no longer exist.
Now, prior parent experiences aside: We have all been there. I can tell you maybe three-four times stuff like this vomit in the dark episode happened to my own kids, where you think they are okay but then find out they are not...You swear that you will never neglect your own children but then discover by accident that you did. It happens, to the best of us.
We had our monitor on the wrong channel and thought nothing was wrong and you guessed it; it was. So, if your going to condemn yourself, you may as well condemn me and my wife too, and everybody else I know. This is not bad parenting, this is an accident. Bad parents, and I have seen lots, tell the child to shut up and go back to bed or beat the child for being sick, etc. You were not abusive, you just happened to join the parents who wish they had clones to cover everything club.
And great work with the magical thinking flashlight monster killer. I missed that she would see the monster dying as a bad thing. Looks like flashlight paralyzers are in your future. The lethal options just don't cut it with your daughter obviously. (I had to smile at this one. She is clever and funny, that Kate.)
I know it is easy to worry about the job and the leave and everything. But wait and see what happens. You do not know the details yet and you may be able to return to work if the clot dissolves. Extending the contract to match time actually worked. I get that. But I want to see them put in the expense to recover the 5k if you leave. I bet they would lose more than they would gain. Steven
All of the places I worked treated FMLA like your current employer. It started immediately and they make you use your time as a part of it. (that is how I was trained as a manager as well.) But the botXXXXX XXXXXne here is not FMLA. It is that this is a lot of confusion, and ongoing confusion, as not all the facts are in.
Yes, you could be cleared to return to work in two weeks, but you might not. You do not know, and won't for while, sadly. And, it is possible that you could jeopardize your pregnancy by working, but until you talk with your doctor you cannot make a choice right now, either way. So, no use worrying about what you cannot change.
I do feel that it is my obligation to say that the life of you and your unborn baby should take precedence over any job. I know economically that this is easy to say, hard to do, but I worry about you and the damage you could do to yourself emotionally if you went to work and lost the baby as a result. I am not sure I could advocate for you returning to work if you were on a restriction. Again, the final choice is yours, but I do get concerned for your emotional well being. That is my job.
I do know that it is grossly premature to even talk/think about having another child and discussing what if I lose this baby? That is a thought process for another time, another place, perhaps not even real. There is planning, and there is planning that is unhealthy. That is the second of the two. Of course you will think thoughts like this, but it is a thought that for now, should be immediately pushed aside.
Kate is, cunning. Yes, that is the word. She is bright in a way that makes even the brightest thoughts fail. Who knew she would do this lethal monster crying thing. Hey, at least you know she is on time developmentally/cognitively as she understood what you were doing 100%...but killing the monster and crying...didn't see that coming.
A thought about the 5k: Let it go onto your credit report and put a refute statement on it that says it is in contention. That is an option as well. I think that this whole thing is nothing short of career blackmail. If they want nurses so badly they should allow some flexibility and prorate the fee, something. I can see why everyone hates it (them). Steven
As you cannot help but work, you need to assert what is best for yourself and the baby. Although pregnancy is not a disability per say you can approach this with Peter as an accommodation request that is temporary. He may balk, but at least you can ask.
I certainly would say that you should. I would not be afraid to play the emotion card here as there is nothing legal you can apply to the situation. Work sounds too crazy and busy for you to be there as you are now...and stress at this job is a given. So you have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. If begging for a job change is the way to need to do it, I would say, so be it. He may not like it, but it is better than you not being at work at all.
Kate is cunning in a child's impish way. I didn't mean it as an adult's definition, as that has a lot of negative connotations to it.
Your contract does suck. That is not professional, but I think you can agree that it is the truth.
You are caught in a highly stressful situation. I agree. You seem to get caught in a lot of these seeming no win situations. But I do know that you come through them and before we sell the farm here; it is worth asking Peter what he thinks and getting a full assessment from the doctor as to what the risk is, in his opinion. What are the real risks with working that the baby would miscarry? This is not known, and until it is, the full choice cannot be made. Steven
I thought about this for a while. The attorney is right. There are times when you have to put your short term employment welfare against what might be a tougher long term outcome.
Simply: If a complicated pregnancy qualifies as ADA the employer has to accommodate it if the accommodation is reasonable. They have little choice. It is not, Peter, please accommodate. It is, HR I need an accommodation due to a temporary disability. If they cannot find it in the unit you are with presently,they can find it in utilization review, follow up care, whatever. But they have to. I know what you mean about not wanting to create enemies, but if you do this with grace and firmness, I do not see that happening.
You are right. You had several pregnancies and this one is the only complicated one. It happens. And, that is why we have these laws. And, I know from HR that the laws favor you heavily in this, not the employer. So. if you can. Go for it.
There is wisdom in getting multiple opinions so I see nothing wrong with asking your old friend. Just do not get too many opinions or you will feel like a wave on the sea.
You do not know what you will experience with this baby and even if you work there as is, there is no guarantee that the baby would be hurt. Based on your history I can see how you would think so, but the past does not guarantee the actions of the future in this way. But in all things, do not jump to conclusions. You don't even know what the facts are. And, talk about possible regrets. There are many, much more permanent consequences than a job loss with certain courses of action. I do not think you should decide anything without lots and lots of information. Don't get me wrong: I know you want to know, but sometimes we cannot know. And, throwing away all that you have over this? I just do not see it happening.
You waited a year on that licensing issue, and that worked out. This will too, but waiting and learning facts is a process. Let the process happen. Right now you are safe with a short restriction and medical respite from work. And, things do happen quickly once they get rolling. Your OB will see you; not rushing you in is a good sign as they probably cannot judge fully yet either. Deep breath. Steven
Did have a hot, but nice 4th. I am not sure how my BIL stood it, cooking in front of a hot grill for two hours...but at least I didn't have to do it.
My middle daughter wants to see Brave in the worst way. What do you mean it took an odd direction? (I couldn't care less about spoilers in a cartoon). But your adventure in the theater sounds interesting to say the least. Two years olds a 45 minutes of focus, not too bad. And the 4th of July is a great day to go to the movies. We used to do it all the time as it often less crowded.
Well, it is a good thing to have a new baby monitor. You need one and the tricycle, that is good too...and I am hoping that you are able to go back to work without incident. From what you are telling me, you seem like you are making some progress physically. Let's hop[e this is a good sign.
You may want to talk with the moderators. Pearl does have subscriptions.
Hope Kate is feeling better. Steven
Well, it does sound like Brave is less than wonderful. I kind of liked the empower the girls theme, but if half of the movie is fighting a bear transformation, yawn...no way will we watch that until it comes out on disk...which is what we do most of the time anyway.
Constipation and glycerin suppositories...ah, memories. That is not good that your relatives miss the fact she hasn't had a bowel movement. When my kids were little we knew how long it had been, all the time. It helped with toilet training and tracking that fact wasn't hard, even with two of them in diapers.
It is best, XXXXX XXXXX what I know clinically and as a parent, to let the kids decide when they are ready to toilet train. We encouraged with reinforcements, but even with all of that they were ready when they were ready, and not a second before. And, if is weird. Each child has the duration of the process different. Some take a short time, others longer. Jack was done in a week. Nikki, six months. Kate will tell you when she is ready. And, I will give yo the thoughts of our favorite pediatrician on bottles and sippy cups. When we worried that our children were not progressing he said" See many adults with bottles and sippy cups? They self regulate the process. So true. Naturally, at a certain age they just move on. As far as toilet training when you have a new one ion the house. We did. It worked. But it was slower at times due to all the interruptions, etc. But I think it is a good idea. If Kate seems ready, why not? If not, that is okay too. Pearl.com is what JA is turning into. Check it out if you wish. I saw they had subscriptions last I looked and the questions end up with us here, for now.
I think you had to tell your OB about the bleeding. It was significant and what if you had not said something? You might have pushed yourself further. I think this break helped you. And, not saying anything is your choice I guess, but as you are not going to listen to what they say anyway...what is the risk of telling the full story? At least if you do you might be able to get an accommodation for work under ada.
A rubber snake? My oldest had one too. The others were never interested in them. I had one though. Snakie I think I called it. How original. Steven
I see nothing wrong with wanting an ipad. One of my coworkers bribed her husband for one. She loves it. I think they are great. And, if your laptop is dead, what a great reason to get an ipad.
My kids never asked about the toilet. We had to consistently expose them to bathroom stuff, and the usual reinforcements were used. We were consistent, but without a lot of pressure. It worked well, although I think I hate pull ups the most, as they seemed to make the process harder than just wearing big kid underwear. The wet feeling is disliked by most of them and that feeling motivates.
If you see no signs of interest at night in toilet training she is probably too young yet. My girls got serious into it around 2.5. Before that it was so hit or miss.
Sippys and bottles all pass away. Sippys slowly, although the built in straw cups helped move them away from sippy cups. Heck, even I like sippy cups. they are kind of cool. Pearl was started by JA, if I am correct, as an eventual successor to JA. I can see questions from both sites by logging into JA, and they have subscriptions.
I think that you are losing the house a bit soon in this scenario...if the world was run on what "might happen" we all would be dead. I know it is scary, but I can't encourage you to think about anything until the facts are in. I hate to keep parroting that line, but it is the best course of action. Wait and see. Plus, even within the possibilities of you not going to work as you are, there are other choices. So, sadly, as much as I hate to say this, you have to wait. So before you have yourself on skid row and eating out of trash cans, wait it out.
Sometimes, in my opinion, it is better to settle a strike than to do what ConEd is doing right now. People will get hurt. The expertise is not there and you are so right. Wearing business casual for years, people lose skills. And no look at what happened. By the way, remind me again not to mess with your father, ever. Pulled the guy out my the shoulders? Do you know how strong you would need to be to dead lift that kind of weight? The man must have been incredible back in the day.
Really? Mom is willing to start an argument about what "pasta" is called. (It is called pasta, right?. Most people call it that .Of course, we just called it noodles here, us primitive Germans. ) But in this situation you can see what she is doing, and how far she is willing to go just to keep the tension up. She is so used to this pattern that she has to reach for anything to comment on. And, you wonder why you feel so rejected...she rejects based on anything, so at least see that this is not you. It is her, plain as can be. Steven
Thank you for the sauce recipe. I will try it. It does not sound hard at all. My wife's mother is not Italian, but thinks she should be so she makes sauce as well as my BIL who is studying to open a restaurant. He makes (many) sauce(s) too. But truthfully I appreciate the easy recipe as they seem to take hours and hours to do theirs, sweeten that, sour this, etc. By the time its all over the kitchen is a mess and I have lost my appetite.
I forget exactly how the lady I work with bribed her husband. I think she covered something or other for him. She is pregnant too, with a high risk pregnancy, so no sex as motivation either.
Don't tell me you have a LG refrigerator, the huge French door one with the bottom freezer, cause we do too. And, if your father is as big as that, and it is huge, that is a big man. Powerlifter with you at the gym? Wow, I can hardly imagine that, as a little girl in a sweaty, nasty gym is an odd picture. But I have to admit, having to share the bathroom with them is probably the scariest part of the whole thing. Your dad sounds really funny. Now I know where you get the sense of humor you have. It is a lot like his, circumstance based, irreverent and clever. He does sound very smart as well.
Kate is still a bit young for toilet training. You'll always hear from these yuppie parents who will tell you their child was toilet trained in a day, at 1.5, but don't believe it. 2.5 is where the fun begins and many do not get it until they are 3.2months. So, you're fine.
And, all kids get the self sourced shame thing about poop, probably a good thing. It's normal.
Egg noodles; yup. And they dumped sauce from a jar on that. Awful. I used to hate noodles with sauce because of it. Germans cannot cook Italian, at all. I never knew spaghetti could taste good until I met my wife.
What are you supposed to think? You have one day. Today. What you know today is not bad news, actually good news that you are no longer bleeding. You probably just needed a break. And, I doubt, really doubt that you will be restricted to bedrest. You may have restrictions on working like horse, hence a desk job adaptation, but take that as it comes. I know...you want to know and it is hard not to think catastrophe. But, 90% of what we fear never takes place. And I can hear you thinking now...but I am that 10%! I am! You're not. Relax.
We need a new thread. Steven
Well, my kitchen has blue counters and honey oak cabinets and it looks splashy all the time too. And sauce: everywhere, lid or not. You just cannot contain that stuff. You sound passionate about your cookware. I have no idea what is really in my kitchen as far as pots and pans. We have some ceramic coated iron stuff and some stainless restaurant style pots, but the rest seems pretty ordinary. I am a great microwave user. (lol) although I can make shrimp scampi very well. The rest of it is hit or miss.
I am not sure what to tell you about your sexual life. I am sure there are alternatives. You just have to use your imagination.
You sound like you have nice stuff. But if your father is as big as a 24 cubic foot fridge, that is a big guy...and the fridge colds a lot of sauce, that is for sure! I like how you talk about your father. He sounds very nice. And, keeping you safe; he seemed to do a great job of that when you were little. Plus, I like his sense of humor.
German food is awesome, but as I was raised within a first generation German family I have had too much of it. It is great, don't get me wrong, and the baking especially is out of this world, but too many years of it has made it feel too ordinary to me. I much prefer other nationalities cooking at this point, and I have developed a thing for Asian food of all types, but Japanese is a favorite.
You definitely have it bad with the pregnancy food thing. Ich möchte Deutsch Lebensmittel!! (I want German food!)
I still strongly feel that this will work out. The baby's health was not an issue as long as you got some rest. And, you did. Plus you were told the clot would absorb. Although you feel that you are the 10% that always gets the short end of the stick, take heart. And, be positive. What we speak sometimes comes to be, so speak well of this situation.
We need a new question/posting. Steven
TMM? Maybe the heat got him? Don't worry; like flu season he will come around.
Are you okay? You told me that you were not doing well. Still bleeding or better?
Our home is country looking, sort of a country looking Williamsburg combination. And, I made your sauce. It certainly is easy as fast and it tastes good. I made two versions, one with some sugar and one without. The one without was better. I fed both to my kids and wife. All liked it, except nicole who would not eat anything last night, just because.
My brother in law should be here soon. I will let the bil chef taste it. We will see what he says. I am sure he will like it.
Your childhood restriction are very common in families who have control issues, in this case your mother. The results are usually the same each time, insecurity, feeling uncertain about what to do or not do and an achy loneliness that sometimes is there and sometimes not. The isolation made your reading skills really good so I am not surprised to see how intellectual you can be.
Your neighbors sound so fun; 3am and talking loud and cursing? What on earth are they thinking? I know they are not and that is the issue, but really...that is terrible. Don't the other neighbors complain?
Ron White; the comedian? A sex dream. Well,if that doesn't settle it that you are having a boy I don't know. Wow, weird dream. I could interpret it, but the whole think about your life being exposed to others and sadly comical does not sound too good. I think I will pass.
Yup, Irish trumps most stuff, unless you ever have had anything norwegian. That stuff is really gross. Cold fish and broth for breakfast? No way! But, I have some Irish in me, a little on my father's side. Baney was the name. And from what I gather I am not missing a thing food wise.
Cake and sex? Could be worse...Might be a good deal. lol
You have to set up a new account? I just wanted you to set up a new question. Steven
I wanted to try the sauce, just because I was in the mood for Italian. My bil liked it, but I think I need to use Contadina, not Huntz. It was a tad zingy. And, my bil often will with hold praise if it is too simple, just because real cooking is supposed to be hard in their world.
Well, I did not have the sauce recipe, but I was roasting chickens just like that for a number of years; good isn't it. Today I am making beer butt chicken, and I hope you know what that is. My favorite chicken recipe.
I love Rob' sense of humor. And, you could say that Con Ed is being discriminatory. Snap a picture of the picket lines with all the home depot crew replacements and then send it to labor relations. Fun
With your mom, no you are not crazy. She is, and I too feel that either kate will become you reincarnated or she will love her to death in compensation for how she treats you, yet will have no insight how or why she is doing it. I am not sure if I was surprised about your father and what mom did, but she is manipulative in a very hurtful way; very...She is one of those who has no insight however. And that is the scariest part.
Reading is not what you read but how much. Escapism is why most read anyway and you will find that common in most emotionally and physically abused kids. You did develop higher functioning as a result, so at least something decent came out of all that restriction.
No, not because Ron White is a pig is the baby suspected to be a boy. (Really, should I and all men be insulted by that comment?) It's the weird sex dreams that usually show up right about now in boy pregnancies.That is my thought anyway. Testosterone in women does not always give increased sex drive, but it may give some wild dreams.
Let me know when you set up the new account. Steven
Ok...looking for new question. I will try the Contadina. I actually want to as for some reason I am into sauces this week.
Rob might be funny, but you have the record with the two strike comment. I nearly spit my drink on that one. That was funny. And, the more kids you have the more people seem to feel that they can say something to you about your parenting skills. And, it says a huge amount about her that she waited until Rob left to say something.
People like this are too common. She was probably from Pennsylvania. That pattern seems rampant here. I am sure you ruined nothing. Kate was acting as a 2 year old acts and was being creative, not bad. Steven