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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5506
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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There have been so many weird changes in my life since I last

Resolved Question:

There have been so many weird changes in my life since I last spoke with you.

It is weird and strange but it is like I have become a different person. Like the switch went on or off. It is very confusing for me and I am trying to understand it and process it.

He has done so many things to me that I hit my breaking point and just began not to care. He has been working at his sisters after work for the past two weeks and on Saturdays and I have begun to love it!!! I love my time and have started enjoying doing the things I want and my own pace. I don’t have to rush home I can just go do my errands and get home when I am ready. It has been so nice. Now I sit back and think I don’t want to be on his schedule pleasing him any longer I want to do my own thing at my own pace. It when and what I want. Get up when I am ready. Come home when I want. All the things I gave up for this relationship. I realize my life changed to please his needs and wants and mine didn’t matter to him.

He came home late on Friday. I didn’t even care because why? We know that he was out doing things he shouldn’t and it didn’t even matter to me. He got home and starting giving me excuses which amazed me because I didn’t even ask for a answer or even question him. I went to take shower and as I was showering I caught him going through my pants and smelling my clothes. In the past he has never cared now all the sudden he does. We then went to dinner and he chose to sit next to his aunt and not me. I normally would be hurt or get upset and I didn’t care. After about 20 min he decided he wanted to move next to me. Why?

Last night he wanted sex and I just am not interested. In fact he has been trying a lot lately but I have no interest. I just don’t feel like wasting my time on it. I see no depth or meaning in any of it so I don’t feel like it. He said don’t you want it with me. I just simply said im just really tired.

He really seems to test me a lot these days. I joined the gym and didn’t tell him. I start going tonight. I think it is good that I get out and don’t confine myself to the garage and house. I am sure he will not be happy if he knows.

What is going on with me? I am so confused I feel like I am in the middle of road. I don’t really feel feelings anymore or love. I am not sure if its temporary or if I am changing? I don’t see myself with him forever like I use to and I don’t really want to see bad things happen to him. I no longer wish revenge.

What is going on? Why does he seem to test everything these days?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like you have been changing how you see him and have started to think about your relationship in a different light. By seeing his actions for what they are and how he tries to manipulate you, you have gained the insight you need to change your own behavior.

.

You may be starting to move away from the relationship. At this point you are testing out actions as an individual instead of a couple. That includes not looking for his opinion or approval on what you do. It is a good sign that you are seeing yourself more as apart from him.

.

He may be scared that you are no longer dependent on him. He is probably used to having control over you and may sense he is losing it, so he is acting strange by searching for evidence that you are with someone else or not sitting near you for some of the time when you were out. He probably cannot find an explanation for what you are doing so without asking you he is trying to figure it out.

.

If you keep working on moving further and further away from him, you may find one day that you no longer wish to be in the relationship. It may take time but that is ok. As long as you keep working towards getting out of the relationship, then you are on the right path.

.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5506
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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