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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1776
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Hi, I cant seem to control my emotions. I get hurt very easily

Resolved Question:

Hi, I cant seem to control my emotions. I get hurt very easily by things and end up crying for days. I sabotage my relationships and feel like I am misunderstood. I am forever lasting explaining myself. I go from crisis to crisis and most of the time am very unhappy. I have trouble sleeping and have not been functioning at 100% for a very long time. Are you able to help me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear how you are struggling but am so happy you have taken the first step to reach out here.

Customer:

i hve been trying for years to help myself but i just end up back in exactly the same place.

CoachJenK :

Self help is good but only up to a point and then you can easily become frustrated as to why you cant fix it.

CoachJenK :

nothing wrong with getting a helping hand. Have you ever had the benefit of face to face counseling?

Customer:

when i was younger i had a consellor but i found that i became dependant on her. as i got older what i thought was previously resolved kept haunting me and my behavior continued to follow the same patterns

CoachJenK :

most likely because it wasnt fully resolved and we all walk around with some unresolved stuff from our past but it is how we deal with them that is important and when it interferes like it has with you we are not fully living.

Customer:

there are so many things in my life that i cant let go of and that continue to make me feel guilty

CoachJenK :

when you say dependent on the counselor, what does that mean? because I am not sure that is a bad thing as the relationship needs to be a strong bond in order to heal the wounds from the past.

CoachJenK :

and that will eat you up unless we can get you to work through them but I truly believe that face to face is the way to go here.

CoachJenK :

self help is a great thing as an adjunct but not in place of.

CoachJenK :

I hear how willing and desirous you are for things to feel differently for you and that is how I know you will do well.

Customer:

dependent in that every little thing that happened i would seek clarification for.

CoachJenK :

and you are not a child anymore and your therapy could go quite different.

CoachJenK :

that is normal!!!!!

CoachJenK :

and then through that relationship and clarification strength is built and you translate it to the outside world.

CoachJenK :

That was all good stuff believe it or not.

Customer:

i hope so because i am so tired of making the wrong choices and feeling like it is all i deserve

CoachJenK :

you deserve more and you deserve happiness and a life free from this internal prison of guilt.

CoachJenK :

Do you have access to someone to see?

Customer:

i haven't tried to find someone in person but i am going through a crisis at the moment and needed to talk to someone so i googled and came up with u

CoachJenK :

excellent. I am glad you did.

CoachJenK :

that shows me how resourceful and ready for a change you are. all great strength!

CoachJenK :

and it must be scary to move from crisis to crisis as you mention.

Customer:

im tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself and powerless

CoachJenK :

in time with great ongoing support that will lessen.

Customer:

it is the feelings of guilt and genuine pain that tire me

CoachJenK :

i hear you and i truly believe things can feel differently for you...rely on my words.

CoachJenK :

that can be so exhausting.

CoachJenK :

forgiveness for yourself is key

Customer:

i wish i knew how to forgive myself and i wish i could stop trying to make everyone else feel good

Customer:

i do things and have been ever since i can remember

CoachJenK :

you will...in time.

Customer:

with my children i would give them everything they wanted

Customer:

they are now adults and still they rely on me so much

CoachJenK :

yes because all of the painful feelings are locked inside and you respond in the usual ways of beating yourself up.

Customer:

but this has followed me through all my relationships

CoachJenK :

With the therapeutic relationship, you will heal.

CoachJenK :

There is a wonderful book about it called the Healing Connection by Jean Baker Miller.

Customer:

i will look it up because at this stage i am willing to try anything to stop this cycle i keep going around in

CoachJenK :

well it is not a self help but rather a book that shows how the therapeutic relationship heals and I believe if you can get yourself in and stay with it, you can heal and live differently.

CoachJenK :

I wouldnt do this line of work if i didnt know it to be true.

CoachJenK :

like anything else though it does take time.

Customer:

the biggest problem for me is i dont know how to express myself well.

Customer:

i get emotional then it comes out wrong

CoachJenK :

that is okay....and you will get those skills.

CoachJenK :

you get emotional because it feels overwheming.

Customer:

when i try to defend myself i end up backing down and agreeing with the very person i was trying to explain my point of view too

Customer:

step by step

Customer:

i wish there was a book that could tell me exactly what to do

CoachJenK :

because you havent the trust in yourself and your judgments.

CoachJenK :

you need more support than a book...you need to truly understand the feelings, let them out and heal.

Customer:

yes that is true.

Customer:

where do i start? do i need to find a face to face counselor?

CoachJenK :

yes I think that is the place to start. where are you located?

Customer:

in the united arab emirates

CoachJenK :

and do you have access to finding someone there?

Customer:

ive been here for 4 years

CoachJenK :

I am in the US.

Customer:

i ran away basically

CoachJenK :

ok well time to come back to yourself.

Customer:

i will do a google search for a counsellor hopefully i will find one. it is a unique country

CoachJenK :

where in uab are you?

Customer:

sharjah

CoachJenK :

I might place a call here and ask for a referral from them. http://lifelinecounselingministry.org/united_arab_emirates_uae_marriage_family_counseling_counselors_professional_services_telephone_phone_relationship_online_p307.html

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

after you complete your rating you will receive this chat in an email to you so you dont have to remember th elink.

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

I believe that things can get better and I wish that for you. Please know you can come and reach out to me if you need more support along the way.

Customer:

thank you for your help

CoachJenK :

It is my pleasure. Please take a moment to offer a rating from the ratings tab and my goal has been to give you excellent support.

Customer:

thanks again bye for now

CoachJenK :

please take a moment to offer a rating. I am not credited for my work otherwise.

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1776
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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