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Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.
I am sorry to hear about the stress associated with this event.
Obviously, it is well understood in most circles that the Wedding is the Brides Day and all should yield to her decisions when it comes down to final decisions about who she wants to do what, when etc.
In blended families such as yours, it is typically the step mothers role to take a step back and allow the biological mother to be "the mother of the bride"
You are correct that when it comes to the clergy or official asks, "Who gives this woman in marriage?" or a similar question, her actual father and mother are most likely to answer. However, in certain cases, the bride may ask a stepparent to join the affirmation.
The etiquette can obviously be changed to accommodate the myriad of issues that present when there is a bride from a blended family.
The following may help you understand this in greater detail:
I think it is good that you were able to express your feelings and that they were received with what sound to be appropriate respect.
Are you still upset about this?
Are you able to chat now?
I trust this information will is helpful and welcome your follow up questions.
Before RATING please CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION if you have further questions.
Otherwise, I APPRECIATE YOUR POSITIVE RATING and wish you the very best.
Thank you. That seems like good advise. One more question....do I continue to reach out to the step-mother in apologizing. I want us all to be able to be together in the future on special occassions...i.e., birth of grandchildren.